Hi guys, in need of advice. Been married three years. A very hard three years I find my in laws difficult to deal with. Mil and fil don?t get on, husband and mil used to be close until we got married and small things got in the way of them. He hasn?t spoken to her for a year which I don?t condone but I try to be as civil and respectful as possible.
Now ive left the house twice because of pressures to have babies and also feeling suffocated in the house. Feels like they have mapped my life out for me and any puppet can fit the mound. I?ve never been asked how I want to live my life. Anyway- mil stops talking to me when she wants. She has been rude and bullying infront of her daughter. Sent my husband messages a year into our marriage referring to me as a ?lower caste girl whos mother is from an illegitimate back ground. She stooped so low for her sons happiness?. I have no trust or closeness with this woman I call my mil. In three years I still feel awkward around her. Husband and I speak about moving out but they threaten to disown him and he doesn?t want to lose his family. I had a lecture from sil who was speaking on behalf of her constantly upset mother that as the dil I have a high status in the house, I should take responsibility of the house hold, so the mum can take a back seat. I should have the children for mil to look after. I should intervene if there?s ever an issue in the house. I just feel so suffocated. I don?t want to take it all on because they?re so difficult and so much has been said about me behind my back that I haven?t been able to treat the house or them as my own.
Am I wrong? I just feel as though all the problems come from me not wanting to live there and so I should go and allow them to reconnect.
Please help
There is no legal, moral or religious obligation for you to live with them or care for them. They abuse you and oppress you like many women in that country are and the culture enforces that abuse. Moveout, getting disowned would be the best thing ever for your husband. People cant live their lives as per threats, manipulations and emotional blackmailings.
what does your husband has to say all of that? have you stated this to him? what he say?
is your husband the only son?
It seems that the only lasting solution will be for you people to move out - but how to go about that, will be the real question.
Ok I personally think that the most important thing for you is to have yourself and your husband on the same page whatsoever. As long as you two have chemistry and agreement on how to move out of this, you can do it.
The environment that you have explained is defo stressful and extremely unhealthy. Sorry but you need to get out of there and if your husband is onboard, it shouldnt be as terrible as moving out alone.
Three years into marriage and still no kids? I dont want to sound like a spinster by asking this question, but have you two thought about having kids?
Yes we do want children but I?m not in the right frame of mind to have them at the moment with all the upset and anxiety I?m always feeling. Plus having children won?t help the situation and was not the advice I?m seeking