I have noticed that in most desi families, moms seems to have a very strange attachment with their sons.
While growing up they are given more freedom…ya ya no big deal.
When grown up and they start earning, they have more rights over their income vs. a daughters income even when she isn’t married.
They are expected to be better than the daughters because apparently the rule that “your jannat lies under ma’s feet” is reminded to the boys more often. It seems that their daughters are exempt from that.
When sons start earning, the boys are reminded of how the ma struggled to raise them…looks like raising their daughters was a piece of cake.
Their daughters are excellent bahus but their son’s wives are not deserving of their sons. But oh, their sons lose their spines somewhere along the way not because they are foolish but because they are very seedha.
Oh and I forgot, when the moms were bahus, their husband were horrible and their in-laws sucked so it wasn’t justified when their husbands did something for them.
So you moms of sons, tell us your stories. How do you balance out with your daughters or you know of others in this situation.
I have noticed that in most desi families, moms seems to have a very strange attachment with their sons.
While growing up they are given more freedom...ya ya no big deal.
When grown up and they start earning, they have more rights over their income vs. a daughters income even when she isn't married.
I think that's due to our culture back home. Parents live with their sons, not daughters, and daughters are given away in marriage. I know some of this type & complete opposite.
They are expected to be better than the daughters because apparently the rule that "your jannat lies under ma's feet" is reminded to the boys more often. It seems that their daughters are exempt from that.
This rule was told to me as well as my brother's...hehe
When sons start earning, the boys are reminded of how the ma struggled to raise them...looks like raising their daughters was a piece of cake.
Same again, I think they struggled in general to raise us all, and do deserve respect. But everything should be done in balance.
Their daughters are excellent bahus but their son's wives are not deserving of their sons. But oh, their sons lose their spines somewhere along the way not because they are foolish but because they are very seedha.
Oh and I forgot, when the moms were bahus, their husband were horrible and their in-laws sucked so it wasn't justified when their husbands did something for them.
That's a generalization. Sometimes they really did have a tough time with in-laws. I think older generation was taught to tough it out, no matter what, don't go back to pakay...etc. So they put up with in-law nonsense. Nowadays not many females will do that. So I wonder if they feel the bahu should put up with stuff....or they are conditioned to think of what a "bahu" should be like. Now I have seen where the MIL is really cool, etc, BUT the bahu still acts up, chalaqia, just insecure in general...etc....badmouthing...stuff like that....but whatever the story is, they say it takes 2 to tango....
So you moms of sons, tell us your stories. How do you balance out with your daughters or you know of others in this situation.
Not all mothers are like that, although we probably have loads who are :)
I have no personal story yet, just 1 son and 1 surprise package on its way that is still baking in the oven. Ahem. If I do have a little girl, I will try my best to raise them BOTH with good values, ethics, morals, expectations, etc.
Afro, you are right about this entire post being a generalization. I’m just trying to get the perspective of extreme cases which aren’t that few.
My very own khala for instance, raised her son and daughter with many differences. When both children married, they were both very responsible children. The son always took care of her needs and served her well. Her bahu was very nice as well, even gave up her professional career to take care of my khala for 2 years while khala was having one illness after another (mostly with no diagnosis :halo:). She would keep reminding her son about his jannah and all that and interfere a great deal in their marriage. They all lived together. He recentlly got divorced.
Her daughter on the other hand gets full support from her ma and she even teaches her daughter to stay away from her in laws which I think is unfair and double standards considering she wanted her DIL to stay with her.
Yeah I think we as mothers of the newer generation, need to try to stay away from double standards as best as possible. If we can just stick to that old rule that goes something like “do unto others, as you would want them to do to you”…easier said than done…who knows. Ideal is for the guy to realize place of his mother/father & place for his wife…give each their due respect…and anyone that can manage that, must be awesome
I’ve seen that too among my parents friend, especially one family. They married their son and daughter off around the same time. The bahu came from pak and the daughter was married with a guy of her choice here. While the bahu stayed with hubby, mil and fil. The daughter didnt move in with her mil, but stayed at her parents home after rukhsati for 2 yrs. The daughters hubby would come and visit her in the weekends at her parents or she would go and visit him where he lived with his mum and younger bro. She didnt wanna move in with her MIL although they had a quite big home and MIL being alone (deevar was too young around 11-12 yrs old)
When my mum visited them after their new bahu had come from pak. The auntie said “isne kis se ilada hona hai, humara toh eik hi beta hai” .. When my mum visited them again when the bahu had a son, the auntie said “yahan ke bache to independant hote hain, isiliye humari beti abhi humare pass rehte hai. Jab apna ghar hoga tab jayegi” … Acha acha
