If a desi couple is having marital issues - is it better to go to a “desi” shrink or a non desi shrink?
Do you think pshycatrist understands the level of cultural commitments in desi families and are able to help?
Or better to go to an “imam”?
Re: Desi Shrinks
hhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhhhhhhaha
Re: Desi Shrinks
why are you laughing JK? :D
Re: Desi Shrinks
It just sounded funny.
:D
Re: Desi Shrinks
Good question. Based on how serious the issues are, I would go to all 3 to get all the perspectives.
Re: Desi Shrinks
desi shrink 'may' be able to understand context and culture better, however there is a risk of how professional the shrink is and would the shrink let his/her cultural beliefs overshadow professional view when working with a desi couple.
Imams... it depends..there are good ones who would be great to be a sounding board and advise, but then again some may be more conservative or more liberal than the couple and sine their advise is from a religios angle mostly, that may be a little issue.
non desi shrinks- may not be able to relate to stuff or understand context and cultural aspects
in the end, you just have to make sure its a good shrink, and has experience dealing with people from different backgrounds..
TLK's suggestion seems to be a sound one.
And I think that a desi therapist sounds like a great idea because it's like you said...he/she would have a better idea of some of the cultural issues. Western therapists are more apt to say, for example, "you have to live your life about you and the heck with what everybody else thinks." Which is actually good advice. But it's not completely feasible in a desi society...a desi therapist may be able to suggest a happy compromise.
As for an imam - while I'm sure there are some really fair minded ones out there, I am afraid that most of the stories I've heard aren't too positive. Women that I know who've been counseled by imams for marital issues tend to come away with the feeling that the imam comes down harder upon them and makes them feel as if everything is pretty much their fault. But that's just what I've heard - I have no personal experience and I'm not trying to turn this into a male-bashing thread.
Re: Desi Shrinks
go to a pir..:D
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Or the fact that desi shrink (If she's a female) would have pakorays on the table to contemplate with.
Thats what I was think, shrink goes "let me get some samosas for ya"
Guy to the shrink "my life stink like curry"
shrink "so does mine , get over it!!!"
Re: Desi Shrinks
Desi or nondesi. Psychiatrists are trained not to let biases get in the way. Psychologists and marriage counselors are different. But psychiatrists don't really do marriage counseling...well, unless you are bipolar or need mess or something.
Non desi. people talk...unfortunately
I think Desi professional doctors/Psychiatrists/marriage counselors follow the counselor/client confidentiality as much as a non desi.
See you have to go to a professional one. Mehboob aap ke qadmon main wala Baba is a jali peer. That is not going to work.
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Yeah, I guess...but I've had professional people talking about patients in front of me without names, but I knew who those people were.
So even though names weren't taken, and nothing was done maliciously, I still knew who those people were...so for my sake I would just go to a non desi.
Re: Desi Shrinks
My dad's a shrink and he often turns down desi ppl (friends of friends etc) who ask to see him privately cos he worries about conflicts of interest and other issues as well as all the drama and politics that desi families can sometimes drag an outsider into.. A desi psychiatrist may give different advice to a non-desi one, I remember him telling me years and years ago when he first started out he once advised a Pakistani wife who was going thru difficulties to leave her husband, not taking into account the extra cultural problems and implications of the decision, things that a non-desi would not have understood back then, basically he was also seeing things from a completely Western perspective.. Of course he would never tell a person to stay in a relationship that was seriously affecting their mental health, rather he would sit down and explore the options that were best suited to their particular case first eg. with desis it might be counselling/mediation with inlaws involved, whereas obviously in a non-desi family this would not usually be needed or thought about.. He specialised at one point in cross-cultural psychiatry and did a lot of work regarding young desi women and depression and suicide, obviously a lot of the problems they faced were rare outside immigrant desi communities (eg some girls rarely being allowed out of the house, lack of communication with outsiders due to not being able to speak English leading to depression etc) tho nowadays things are very different to 20/30yrs ago and esp in places like London it is prob entirely possible to see a non-desi shrink and get a satisfactory outcome as they will prob have had a lot of experience with 'desi problems.'
If someone wants to go to an Iman pls go to a reputable mosque like Regents Park or that huge one in East London, unfortunately too many of the others are still hung up on culture and will tend to tell the girl rubbish that is not only unIslamic but can also be detrimental to her mental and physical health.
Desi or nondesi. Psychiatrists are trained not to let biases get in the way. Psychologists and marriage counselors are different. But psychiatrists don't really do marriage counseling...well, unless you are bipolar or need mess or something.
that's what i was going to say. for marital issues you need a marriage counselor. psychiatrists are for people with psychological problems who need medication.
Re: Desi Shrinks
^ There can be a fine line between the two tho and the issues are often intertwined.. some ppl are not quite so bad they need medication for depression or other issues at first but too serious to see a standard counsellor..
Desi or nondesi. Psychiatrists are trained not to let biases get in the way. Psychologists and marriage counselors are different. But psychiatrists don't really do marriage counseling...well, unless you are bipolar or need mess or something.
Baat samajh aa gai na. Sharminda karna zaroori hay ? :)
She meant to say desi marriage counselor. Every body does not know delicate difference between , marriage counselor , psychiatrist and psychologist.
Now back to the answer to the question.
Desi marriage problems are resolved with chittar , so refer to his or her parents for chitrol of either of the two who is the perpetrator.
Re: Desi Shrinks
Desi counsellor would prob be better as they can understand the cultural issues better than anyone else. However their prejudices and stereotypes could get in the way. Mind you the same could be said about counsellor from other communities, they too have stereotypes about the asian community.
And it may turn out that you know the desi counsellor through a friend of a friend of a friend and you're worried that word might get out about your problems.
If you're having such problems that warrant thoughts of visiting a counsellor, then go and see one. Yes, it may be embarrassing to bare all to a desi, but who will understand your problems better than someone who actually knows what goes on in your community? E.g. Try telling a gora that you're marriage is a mess because of some typical asian situation - they won't be able to appreciate the severity of something that seems so menial to them but is considered a big thing in our community.
Re: Desi Shrinks
NJ, I have a personal thing about those in the field of psychology. Unless there is an issue that requires medication, I think anyone is better off talking to those involved and to loved ones. Shrinks, social workers and really anyone in the field of mental health tend to be the most messed up people on the planet and tend to make every attempt to gain a scheduled and regular at least once-a-week meeting so problems can be proloned way beyond. In addition, even thouh your sessions are supposed to be "private", just try going thru a nasty divorce or custody battle and see how fast those nasty little folders fly open for the world to peruse.
Talk to those who truly have your best intersests at heart.