OMG i think im gonna write a 10 page post- scroll down to avoid.
Ok so my parents never yell at us in public or hit us. And they aren't into clothes and jewellery at all, they always say apni parhai par tavajo do.
But i can give soo many examples of things that are messed up. It's nearly all my dad. He lives in his own sort of bubble so the few interactions he has with his kids are more memorable. And I sorta wish they weren't, cuz so many of them suck.
1. No direct communication, always using a third party.
Ex. my dad will say "bari wali se kaho k xyz kare" and my mom is like "usse seedhi baat karo" but he doesn't. When I was little I used to think my mom is so mean cuz she is always saying stuff to me, but it was really my dad.
2. saying stuff behind the kid's back.
Ex. last week, my sis had a grad party in a big hall. Towards the end, her white friend came with her mother to surprise her and my dad was like "Please! come take some food! let me get you a chair!! etc". like he's mr. hospitality. then later on my dad was getting mad at my mom for letting my sister invite her white friend and that he cant wait to kick her out. Again my mom was like "JUST TELL HER" but he doesn't. So my sister thinks my dad is so nice but really he is saying bad stuff about her.
3. Unnecessary mean comments
ex. the other day i was telling my high school age brother how to get more scholarships and my dad was like "tell her don't advise him! is ne khud bara kuch kiya apni zindagi mein". I thought that was really mean because the reason I didnt get the scholarship was because i wasn't a US citizen and secondly i was trying to help.
oh yeah and one time i was at a dawat with my friends and they are really pretty, and my dad was like "she is very mediocre in looks, abhi se dekhna shuru kardena chahiye" and my mom was like "khabardar meri beti ko kuch kaha"...idk my dad never makes any comments on women's looks so to hear the first comment be about me..being ugly...damn i felt SO fug lol
4. Plays favorites
My dad has this thing where he picks a favorite child, and that's his favorite kid for the next 3,4 years. Like my youngest brother is sorta dark cuz he plays outside all day, so when he was the non-favorite, my dad wouldn't say his name, he would just call him "kaala" like "woh kaala kahan gaya" and each time he would get a bad grade from school he would call him "nakamma" and "lailag sa". He used to favor my lighter brother all the time, and the funny thing is this brother doesn't even talk to him now that he's grown up. And the brother he called "kaala" is actually more caring towards him. So he's the current favorite.
5. Double standards
My dad watches movies and shows with my brother and laughs... and some of these shows like yo mamma are pretty vulgar. With my sister, it was so different my dad screamed at her over little mermaid having dirty clothes!
6. Thinking that disagreeing with parents means disrespecting them
ok yesterday my mom was telling me that dad is saying to get a Rolex watch for my future behnoi on the mangni day....i said it's too much because then what will we get them on shaadi, plus he's not a showy type. So my mom and i just kept talking back and forth about what to get...my dad came out of nowhere and just SCREAMED in my face "QUIET!!" i was so startled i almost began to cry...it was just one word but still....my mom was so mad telling him that yeh koi tareeqa hai bolne ka?? but my dad was like "no! bohot over hori thi! interfering in the matters of parents!" my mom said "to kya hua? bus apni rye dehri thi na?? apni behn ki liay itni khush hai, kuch behnain jal jaati hain" but my dad was STILL so stubborn and saying im out of my limits.
My dad doesnt realize that disagreeing doesn't mean disrespect; i disagree with my mom on something almost everyday but we have a really good relationship because we just talk things out. This is definitely a desi thing; like students dont argue with professors, kids dont argue with parents, etc. and they think their family is more stable that way but it's a lot of fake respect, which promotes backstabbing.
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7. Never apologizing**
Only my dad. My mom is the total opposite; sometimes i'll be half asleep and my mom will be sitting next to my bed saying sorry for something i dont even remember!
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8. Silent treatment**
Ok like a month ago, my mom took down all the pictures in the hallway and my dad flipped out because he said my mom is trying to get rid of his parents and family. my mom was like ??? i took down ALL the pictures not just that one. But he didn't talk to my mom for a WHOLE month afterwards. and my poor mom was cooking him food everyday, doing everything extra...then one day out of the blue he just started talking.
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9. Always making a reference to being a provider **
my dad always acts like it's a huge favor that he's still with our family. he always says hes trapped to support us and cant leave bc of what ppl will say. when my mom tells him to be nicer to us, that yeh bachay bare ho kar kya sochenge? my dad just replies all of us that we should appreciate him, if he left all of us will die kuttay ki maut on the street. that's true....but then he wonders why my sister and i are doing "2 tukkay ki job"
These events probably don't even take up 1 hour of 1 day, remaining 23 hours are happy and normal, but it seems like i remember that one hour much more clearly.
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It’s difficult to understand parents when they say these things - because they always had a choice to bring you or NOT into this world.
