Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Didn’t you know? These terrorist goons believe in assigning you a husband so you can sire them more fodder for their supposed religious wars. You’d just get assigned some dude from central asia with a beard. :k:
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Western concept of dating basically boils down to "try it before you buy it" in every way imaginable.
From reading the forum, one gets the sense that dating is becoming a normal part of finding your spouse among desi Muslims as well. *What does desi dating entail? Do people just hang out, watch a movie and have dinner together? Or are things like holding hands, hugging, kissing and so on also par for the course? *
Question is for all desi Muslims who have or might go through this. However, it's especially relavent to those who have married non-Muslims since for them co-habitation is a normal part of finding a life partner.
uhhhh who cares? Why do you need to know what other people are doing on their dates (especially the physical aspect of it all)?
Dating among Muslims is extremely common now. Almost every Muslim I know has dated someone at some point before marriage. What do they do on their dates? I never ask because I honestly don't care. That is between them and Allah because that is who they will answer to.
I can tell you one thing. Muslims UNLIKE White people don't date "just for fun." They only date someone they can actually see themselves marrying one day. That is the whole point of it all - dating for the sake of marriage.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Yeah she employed him. She got to know him - his character. And based on that made a proposal. And she was way older than him. Already widowed. Can't recall if she had kids from the prior marriage. And she was well beyond what our desans would consider permissable child bearing age...
So she took charge, and made a decision ** after actually communicating with him **. It wasn't an arranged marriage to someone she barely knew. Islamabadi is advocating communication before marriage, aka dating as some of us are referring to it, is being a slave of the west. If you define dating as getting to know someone, then our own historical figures are guilty of it.
The part in bold, kindly provide the reference to where you've read that. I've read a very different version.
Sorry, I'm not trying to derail this thread nor am I trying to downplay how important it is for the 2 considering marriage to get to know one other in a halal setting... But it's uncomfortable to read stuff about these great personalities that (as per my knowledge) are not true.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
uhhhh who cares? Why do you need to know what other people are doing on their dates (especially the physical aspect of it all)?
Dating among Muslims is extremely common now. Almost every Muslim I know has dated someone at some point before marriage. What do they do on their dates? I never ask because I honestly don't care. That is between them and Allah because that is who they will answer to.
I can tell you one thing. Muslims UNLIKE White people don't date "just for fun." They only date someone they can actually see themselves marrying one day. That is the whole point of it all - dating for the sake of marriage.
Is it really so common? Maybe it is but I know few guys incl. me, believe it or not because people usually don't but we never dated nor have a gf till date and still single.
p.s. I'm not gay either.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Western concept of dating basically boils down to "try it before you buy it" in every way imaginable.
From reading the forum, one gets the sense that dating is becoming a normal part of finding your spouse among desi Muslims as well. What does desi dating entail? Do people just hang out, watch a movie and have dinner together? Or are things like holding hands, hugging, kissing and so on also par for the course?
Question is for all desi Muslims who have or might go through this. However, it's especially relavent to those who have married non-Muslims since for them co-habitation is a normal part of finding a life partner.
Does the term desi muslims dating include desi couples where one person is desi muslim and the other not? More nasty things happen in that kind of set up.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
really? explain?
What do you do on a date? You go out for food and some form of entertainment. Please explain how would this be different if you are desi? It wouldn't be. You still talk and get to know each other. Regardless of what Hollywood depicts most goris don't sleep with guys on the first night.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Dating according to Mirriam Webster:
the series of social engagements shared by a couple looking to get married
Dating is all the same...you get to know someone over the phone, at a Starbucks, dinner, chai, etc. A date doesn't imply sex or anything lewd...its an assumption our desis make that dating is haraam because the word is an English word. Dating is the little lunch you might have had publicly together before you got married. That was a date. A date is coffee. A date is a walk in the park. You met up with a romantic interest in each other - its a date. Renaming it won't change the act or how its perceived by normal people who actually date.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Does the term desi muslims dating include desi couples where one person is muslim and the other not? More nasty things happen in that kind of set up.
Yes. I mentioned them in the last sentence of the OP.
What do you do on a date? You go out for food and some form of entertainment. Please explain how would this be different if you are desi? It wouldn't be. You still talk and get to know each other. Regardless of what Hollywood depicts most goris don't sleep with guys on the first night.
I thought it was clear from the context of the OP that I was referring to the whole process of finding a spouse and not the first date.
Zafra, we all know that that's what it ultimately leads to. And kissing and hugging aren't even a big deal on the first few dates. Do you want to amend your earlier post that desi dating is the same?
Dating according to Mirriam Webster:
the series of social engagements shared by a couple looking to get married
Dating is all the same...you get to know someone over the phone, at a Starbucks, dinner, chai, etc. A date doesn't imply sex or anything lewd...its an assumption our desis make that dating is haraam because the word is an English word. Dating is the little lunch you might have had publicly together before you got married. That was a date. A date is coffee. A date is a walk in the park. You met up with a romantic interest in each other - its a date. Renaming it won't change the act or how its perceived by normal people who actually date.
I'm not sure why people are getting hung up over the word dating. Call it getting to know a potential rishta. That process certainly isn't a one off meeting.
Question is when two people have the hots for each other and think that it could go somewhere, do they stop at just meeting and talking?
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
I'm not sure why people are getting hung up over the word dating. Call it getting to know a potential rishta. That process certainly isn't a one off meeting.
Question is when two people have the hots for each other and think that it could go somewhere, do they stop at just meeting and talking?
Getting to know a potential rishta IS dating. Its just a roundabout way of saying it...you could say one word or define that word...same thing.
The second part of your post...no...if it goes somewhere and they actually go further physically, it would be called whatever it is. Meaning, they had a one night stand, they slept together, they made out, they kissed, etc. Those are not dates...they are actions that went further than the date.
Anyway, my point is...dating in the west is not that different from anywhere. We meet, we talk, we go for coffee, ice cream, social events, movies, etc. If you are truly interested in each other, you'll understand your limits.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Here in Pakistan people don't date to commit but to have fun(sex) that include both boys and girls.
Dating is time pass here and it all revolves around lust.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
The part in bold, kindly provide the reference to where you've read that. I've read a very different version.
Sorry, I'm not trying to derail this thread nor am I trying to downplay how important it is for the 2 considering marriage to get to know one other in a halal setting... But it's uncomfortable to read stuff about these great personalities that (as per my knowledge) are not true.
Don't worry stating facts is not what interests her. Just her own versions.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Alhumdulillah unlike that cold pathetic country Canada, that has Muslim bikini pageants we in the land of the pure are no mental slaves of the west . We have mujras and tawaifs in shahi mohalla, this is our own proud musalmaan pakistani tradition. Takbeer!!!
Maybe takbeer is a joke for you or wait you were just horsing around.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
:k:
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Yes. I mentioned them in the last sentence of the OP.
I thought it was clear from the context of the OP that I was referring to the whole process of finding a spouse and not the first date.
Zafra, we all know that that's what it ultimately leads to. And kissing and hugging aren't even a big deal on the first few dates. Do you want to amend your earlier post that desi dating is the same?
I'm not sure why people are getting hung up over the word dating. Call it getting to know a potential rishta. That process certainly isn't a one off meeting.
Question is when two people have the hots for each other and think that it could go somewhere, do they stop at just meeting and talking?
Not every date leads to sex. I know two celebate couples before they got married. One was evangelical Christian. They other were a mixed race couple.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Let's not allow islamabadi's flaming to derail the thread. If you look at his previous posts, that's how he operates ** Several people have stated that getting to know the person is entirely alright. That's what the thread is about. How does one go about doing that?**
Is it an interview of sorts as uzair has said. Or does it involve rituals of dating practiced in the west as stated explicitly by deeba and alluded to by zafra?
If it's the latter, the religious argument for getting to know your potential spouse goes out the window. After all how can you use religion to justify behaviour that is explicitly prohibited by religion?
If you want to get to know someone the Islamic way you could take along a guardian and just have them sit in the same room.. It's being alone with them which is the problem, not being around them full stop..
There are obviously couples in arranged matches who do this as well, I know some of my cousins did..
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Maybe takbeer is a joke for you or wait you were just horsing around.
takbeer is less of a joke for me than those JI/JUI/Let/SSP type jack asses with paggars and sumo pot bellies calling themselves maulanas in Pakistan, and their ass clown followers and fans. My note was pure sarcasm.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Western concept of dating basically boils down to "try it before you buy it" in every way imaginable.
From reading the forum, one gets the sense that dating is becoming a normal part of finding your spouse among desi Muslims as well. What does desi dating entail? Do people just hang out, watch a movie and have dinner together? Or are things like holding hands, hugging, kissing and so on also par for the course?
Question is for all desi Muslims who have or might go through this. However, it's especially relavent to those who have married non-Muslims since for them co-habitation is a normal part of finding a life partner.
I never lived with my husband(non- muslim)before getting married. we did go on a vacation together when he proposed but thats about it.
as far as desis dating desis, i have seen it all , they also have sexual relations before marriage, its really not that uncommon, at least not here in US
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
I never lived with my husband(non- muslim)before getting married. we did go on a vacation together when he proposed but thats about it. as far as desis dating desis, i have seen it all , they also have sexual relations before marriage, its really not that uncommon, at least not here in US
Again a generalization, they have some of the lowest STD rates, and divorce rates too. I don't know about their pre-martial flings though
Personally most Muslims I know, especially those born in the States (vs those coming from overseas) dont do anything before marriage, especially penetrative.
On dating, I know VERY few who do it, and personally I keep myself too busy to be involved in time wasting ****t like that. You're 22 when you graduate from college need a solid 3-5 years work experience to get anywhere in today's economy. Banks and Med schools aren't taking low grades in either, so you better be a focused young 4 years in college. Has there been temptation? Of course, but I think to myself I waited 25 years,,,why not a few more to share with the woman I love? Also self-preservation and pleasure leads you to learn about yourself and your own body and sexuality.
Part of the experience of self-denial is self-control and bettering oneself, focusing on more important issues like what makes a good wife, coming to greater realizations, like why people who live, ****, and sleep together have far higher divorce rates than those who don't. Largely because marriage has become trivialized, when you get all those things before marriage.
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
Very few of my desi friends have dated. My non muslim desi friends have basically done everything. I'm from a more conservative circle of Muslim girls so they opted for arranged marriages. There were maybe 1-2 that were seriously "talking" to someone and we didn't really have a discussion of what they had/hadn't done in that relationship (I'd be surprised if they had done anything). Their approach to dating was more about hanging out and getting to know if the person they were with was someone they'd want to be with. The relationships lasted a couple months before they decided to break it off or go on and bring it to the parents.
I did have a few friends that kissed/held hands (usually in private) and some that went further. VERY VERY FEW (1-2) actually had sex and they were more liberal in general anyways. It was mostly just restricted to making out for most of the couples I've heard of. And they tended to be older and on the way to marrying that person (not that I'm trying to justify their behavior; just saying).
Re: Desi Muslim Dating in the West
If you want to get to know someone the Islamic way you could take along a guardian and just have them sit in the same room.. It's being alone with them which is the problem, not being around them full stop..
There are obviously couples in arranged matches who do this as well, I know some of my cousins did..
This. Haven't you ever seen The Godfather? You and Layla go on a nice romantic walk while the rest of the pind follows at a safe distance.