Re: Desi larkian need to...
I dunno...i think even if i'm educated, I won't be able to leave my husband coz I'm definitely more emotional than rational. And plus i'm in college but I feel like such a dunce :(
Re: Desi larkian need to...
^north american colleges will do that to you.
I think even some Harvard kids feel like dumbasses. Or so the ones I've met have told me.
Re: Desi larkian need to…
You’re asking for trouble 
Re: Desi larkian need to…
Wait till you start meeting people and I’m sure your perspective will change.
Re: Desi larkian need to…
im so happy my parents arent like that. my dad always tells me to go to the best university possible and to get a good job. my mom also says how she regrets not getting a better education and a good job. my parents would be really mad if i dropped out of school just to get married. and for me its the lamest reason to drop out of school.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
Education is not important that it facilitates in girl to get a quick divorce but is important to since it has the ability to add meaning and value to everyone's lives.. an ignorant girl may actually add to chances of misunderstanding and indirectly enhance chances of an unhappy marriage or a divorce!
Its so strange for girls before marriage thiunking possible scenerios to get divorced if not treated well by husbands or in-laws.. that thing hopefully will never occur but thinking about it before marriage is just creating fake fears and it might lead to worse results by just minor problems after marraige.. in a marriage there are so many fases where spoces are emotional and in those times rational thinking is a must.. no one is perfect and all have to make adjustments in a marriage life..
Re: Desi larkian need to...
Hi Sadiyah if 99% of husband treats their wife's like trash that
does'nt mean all of men's are like that. You've also men's they
threat their wife's good. So don't be depressed. Not all men's are like that.
*Bass mere kismat mei yehi hai :( *
Re: Desi larkian need to...
salamalykum,
in my opinion not only women but also men's must gain proper knowledge, (here i mean both islamic as well as worldly knowledge) coz both knowldege is neccessary to live in this world,
as far some husbands are concerned who behaves very rudely with their wives they are the biggest jahals of our umma,
in many hadiths i have heard that pbuh ordering sahabas and ummah about the rightsof womens and girls,
in many hadith pbuh explains that womens are the amanah given to man and its man responsibilty to take care of their amanah's that is women,
where as womens are concerned, they also must not let their husbands do zulm on them ,
they must also speak out to their husbands family members and to their own relatives about the problems and must get it solved,
as quran says that both man and women must take such a way of life that is gud for both of them,
so we must be co-operative to each other means husband and wife and wife is not educated and she feels guilty about it its the husband job to see to it that wot he learns outside he teaches the same to his wife at home,instead of calling her jahal and behaving in a rude way. and women must also try by their side to gain more and more knowledge if not of the colleges and universities atleast with books and news.
so in this way men will also be happy and wife will aslo be upto his standars.
salamalykum.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
Degas and Ibn Khatab make valid points.
Whether a girl is educated or not, no man has the right to treat her disrespectfully. And who says education means getting a formal University degree. She can continue to educate herself by reading books, newspapers, developing her interests and meeting the right people after marriage. If she doesn't do this, she is losing out.
It should not be a requirement for a desi Muslim girl to have a degree before she's married. As some people have pointed out, the person can still be highly immature and not ready to deal with the demands of marriage. I've heard that the recent trend in North America is that guys and girls get married young and continue with their education afterwards. It all depends on ones mindset. Those men who treat their wives disrespectfully should be treated for low-self esteem and read "How to be a Muslim Husband 101".
Re: Desi larkian need to…
Amen to that Cat-woman. Both husbands and wives need to know their rights
and their responsibilities in the union.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
^ I agree with Cat-Woman. Education doesn't guarantee that you are mature and responsible enough to be married. Granted, it may help you stand on your own two feet if you feel the need to walk away from your marriage for whatever reasons, but plenty of people have been able to survive and leave their marriage even without a formal education. Your life is what you, well in our cultures, what your family makes it. Parental support is a huge factor here, with or without an education, chances are, most girls will do whatever their parents/cultures ask of them ... which is stay put in the marriage.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
They should be shot and gotten rid of. "Men" like that don't deserve to live. PCG I don't debate for the hell of it, though it is a fun concept i should try out. But its simple. I hate the fact that every single thread on GS that has to do with men and women is surrounded and confined by gender stereotypes. Its bloody annoying. I hat ethe fact that everybody sees themselves in gender stereotypes and not as full individuals. If that is stirring the debate so be it. I am make no apologies for my point of view or the manner in which I convey it.
Re: Desi larkian need to…
Aunty ! What we horney men should do meanwhile ?
I have such a perfect picture to supplement this noble cause but…
Alaas 
Gone are the carefree days when mods used to edit/delete my posts/threads and send me lovey dovey warning pms 
Re: Desi larkian need to...
CM, I'd love for the day to come when Pakistanis see themselves and others as individuals. But they dont. They mostly think in terms of gender roles and stereotypes.
In fact, if anything, getting an education allows for a female to gain some confidence in herself and gives her the courage to make her own decisions - i.e. to become an individual - her own person not necessarily defined by gender roles. By the way, gender roles are a big part of Islam - what do you think of that?
Mehnaz: I personally lived on campus when I went to college, although my home was only like an hour away. I have a horrible temper, so my parents knew to not get in my way when I told them I'd like to live on campus rather than drive back and forth in the Miami heat (which is a mission, really).
I think more than my education, the act of living on my own for 4 years has helped me a LOT - and to take it a step further, I lived in NYC for the summer. Alone with some other college students. No family involved.
I think maybe when I talk about education really helping to shape a person, i mean the living experiences that go with it. Most college students really get to know themselves better in college, since peer pressure diminishes. Making your own decisions, to the small detail of where you'll have lunch that day, I think gives a person a sense of independence.
It also gives you a lot of self-respect. Plus, going to college, you work hard. So when you get married, and somone tries to take your career from you, or degrades you, or insults you, or abuses you - your sense of pride and ego that has developed over the time allows for you to have the courage to put your foot down and leave the marriage if necessary. Or at least face the man and tell him to back off.
I dont see this same courage in girls who never went furhter with their education. Its not the fact that I know calculus where other Pakistani girls might not, or that I've studied philosophy and biology as majors or anything of the sort. Its all the experiences that I had that came with the education that have built me into a stronger person, who certainly wont allow some guy to ruin my happiness. Its the fact that I worked to pay through college. Its the fact that I lived on my own. Its the fact that I did all my grocerires, shopping, etc on my own. Its the fact that I was working to feed myself. Its the fact that whenever my parents offered me some help, I usually did not need it. Its the fact that I met so many wonderful people. Its the fact that I met so many assholes as well, and had to learn how to deal with them. That's important too - when you've dealt with so many jerks, and moved them out of your way so you can move further academically and career-wise, then you probably wont be the kind of person to let your husband hinder you.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
Haha. Women need some balls. Rape and domestic abuse are high and women have never been as educated or liberated as they are now. And stop playing the victim while you're at it.
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Yes, but is it incidence of rape and domestic abuse higher in countries with a higher percent of educated women? Furthermore, is the incidence of rape and domestic abuse higher now than it was prior to women's lib movements?
I think by encouraging self-empowerment thru education (like cat-woman says its not just a university degree), is one way to stop playing the victim. :)
Re: Desi larkian need to...
I don't know any stats but I would say rape and abuse are higher than they were before women's lib movements.
As an example, women back in the 1600s had some admirable balls. One woman got abused and four women from the village went and beat up her husband. This was when women weren't even persons and it was Church doctrine that women were to be subjugated for their original sin.
As for playing the poor powerless victim, of course they play the victims. Isn't the first thing these women are told, "it's not your fault?" Of course, it's your faul. You put yourself in that position that you were date raped, were alone so gang raped, had low self esteem so were gang raped by hrony frat boys, stuck around with the guy when he kept beating you up.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
^ So are you saying most women who get abused or raped deserve it? :-| Women who've been raped and abused ARE victims and it ISN'T their fault.
Re: Desi larkian need to...
Boo hoo. We've stuck by that piece of BS for decades and look where it's gotten us. Rape and domestic abuse still lurking around like a nasty STD. How about some pre-emptive measures, like self esteem training or something. Give them something more to worry about than, oh I'm too fat, oh I don't look like Jennifer Aniston.