Desi and angraiz

Hangout GupShup Cafe
1

well i been to some foreign countries but just for few days…so i never had such time to know about angraiz ppl

those who r living with them may b know much better about them

what diference do u feel in desi and angraiz mentality in every regard…

that how they think how they feel …?

do they think like desi..about family,kids,marrige,relations,parents,life .love..

liek w e desi feel very strong about love.we rvery concern about husband..we are very possesive baout our parents..our kids..

i find this so strange when they send there parents to old homes …they get physicall before marrige and their kids are also one of the guest at marrige laters

they dont see divorce bad…they can broke their marriges even next day after wedding

and most important how they feel about love…do they love with same intensity same feelings like we asian do

i know some gora gori friends i always told them that i doubt u ever get true love or u do true love to someone…

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Re: desi and angraiz

We goris are people with feelings that are much the same as those of Desi people. Its just that the customs and practices in western society are different than those of Desi society.

Divorce is not taken lightly, esp when children are involved and yes, the divorce rate is is pretty high...but I think that this has more to do with empowered women. They are less inclined to stay in an unhappy marriage if they can go on to earn a living for themselves without having to rely upon a man. But thats just my opinion...not a fact.

As far as love, we feel love as deeply as any other people on the planet. I'd lay down my life for my husband.

In our society, people plan their retirements from the day they start working. Its just a different way of life - parents raise their children to be completely independent and to live lives of their own. And most parents would go to a state-run old age home before they'd impose on their children. Thats just how things are.

Again...we feel the same way as Desis do. We just do things differently.

3

well yes i have been with british ppl and teachers for about 8 years of my life and what i know about them is that they are very liberal minded ppl. they be the champions of humanity but look at the status of women there. women are raped at one day. and the next day they involve in other woman and their family sytem is totally rubbish and destroyed as compared to our Islamic religious ppl.

even their child dont know who is actually their father and who is mother. and in such kind of places the ignorance spreads and you will definitly see fathers and old ones going to old homes and you can never expect humanity from such minded ppl whom house and family system has collapsed to so much extent and even their govt doesnt do something to prevent such things provided if a case is filed.

:(

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Moral of the story - there are bigots everywhere and our beloved Pakistan is not without its own problems.

5

Rupayhalwa! jb Pakistan army kuch ghalat karegi tu usay ghalat kahan jaega wo koi farishta nahe hai, dusri baat keh apne co education ki baat ki keh ji wahan pe larkian azadi se larkon se ghul mil sakti hn bagher kisi sexual relationship k tu in most of the cases ur wrong dusri baat keh you must not be brain washed there you must also see Islam. right?

is me koi shak nahe keh pakistan me Islami taalimat ka ghalat istmal kia jata hai aur aurton pe zulm hota hai lekin jis azadi kay angrez champions hn aurat ki izzat ko taar taar ker kay thats a shame on their part. aplogon ko ye saari baatein nazar nahe atein kia?

ap wahan ki minorities ki baat ker rahi hein jo aesay kaam nahe kertay but im saying about majority of pakistan who are against liberalism and want Islam to be implemented.

pakistan me bhi problms aur rape incidents bardh gaey hn lekin sochien kiun? becoz aajkal ye angreizon aur indians ka jo kanjar khana aya hai na usnay muslims ka dimagh kharab ker diya hai. which is very shameful on our part. lekin phir bhi abhi pakistan me angreizon jesi beghairti nahe pheli in numbers. okay?

:(

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Re: desi and angraiz

Cap'n,

Are you saying that the majority of women get raped in britain? Not likely. Also, you seem to imply that the majority of children do not know who their fathers are? Thats absurd!! And as far as old-age homes, there are a number of social services available to those in need, a pretty vast support system that is absent in Desi countries....hencce the need for elders to rely upon their children.

Anyway, those points are all off-topic. I beleive the thread is regarding the difference in how gori/goras feel. Not about whether their society is better or worse than Desi society.

7

Re: desi and angraiz

uff capt u took my thread all wrong just all wrong...i m not looking for this stuff which u wrote....if u have appropraite reply like maamaof then reply otherwise better not bother plz..

i dont wana kanow about this

i wana know about angraiz and desi feelings...how they feel about everything specilaly love ...thats it

8

utter nonsense. you guyz werent born and raised pure and unadulterated in pkstn. so stop using angrez and indians as a scapegoat for the jaahil harkaten going on in pakistan the countries own people.

this backward mentality is what they preach about "the foreigners" where you live rright so what else can be expected from you except this narrow minded rubbish.

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Re: desi and angraiz

Its ok, he doesnt know better apparently. Cap....you need to get out more and to actually get to know a gori/gora or 2 because the ones you describe are so very far from the norm that they are the small minority exception to any rule that you might have been taught. I've heard of the type of person you've described yet in all my western/gori life I've never met one such as this. And I've met many people for sure.

We are good and loving people just as Desis for the vast majority are good and loving. We're different in practice and culture but are so much the same in feelings and emotions.

I think the biggest thing perhaps is this whole elder way of life. For myself, I would never ever, no-way-no-how ever live with my sons when I get old and they are married. I want them to have their very own lives. And I've financially planned for just that case. And should something happen that the finances ran out, I for sure would go to a state-sponsored old age home before I moved in on any of my sons.

BUT...on the other side of the coin...my mom is 3 years widowed now. And it breaks my heart and stresses me out that she lives a 12 hour drive away from me. Countless times I've asked her to live with me and countless times she's turned me down. She too would go to an old age home before she lived with her kids. Not because she doesnt love us, not because we don't love her because there is much family love here. But there is also a fierce sense of independence and thats really what it all boils down to. Its just different.

How I love and admire the extended family way of life. But it will never fly in western society where fierce independence is of the utmost importance. Its like as important to westerners as the concept of honor is to desis.

Theres good and theres bad in either way of life. Yet we are all the same as far as what we feel and how we love.

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Re: desi and angraiz

Whenever I watch the show 'Everybody loves Raymond' and watch his mother's character and the way she interacts with her daughter in law, I always wonder if they got that character from some Paki show ..

I am not sure how much Gora people use the feeling of love to emotionally blackmail their love ones, but that is very common in our culture

Timepass - June 2013
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Re: desi and angraiz

^u got that right!

Aaj kya pakaaya/khaaya
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Re: desi and angraiz

I think it really depends from person to person, as Mama mentioned. Just as Pakistanis don't like being stereotyped, 'angrezis' don't fit into a particular mold. You cannot throw all "westerners" into the same pot because we are incredibly diverse. We love our families just as much as anyone else in the world.

Nursing homes are available because the life expectancy is so much longer than it once was, and many people live decades with debilitating illnesses. Both members of most families work at least part time, which makes full time care at home very difficult. Frequently parents who are willing do live with their children for a time before they can no longer be cared for at home. Oftentimes it is the daughter who cares for her parents , which really is more practical than the other way around. My grandparents from both sides lived with us at one point or other when I was a child.

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Focusing on weak points of a culture only does not for a fair comparison make.

I will perhaps come and write more to this thread at a later time. One aspect of culture that stands out to me in the US is the general emphasis and importance given to kids.

When a school bus is dropping off kids, traffic stops in each direction on the road. When near a school, a school zone light blinks that reduces the speed limit.

I do not in any way say that parental love is lesser or greater in either place--my focus is on what is done at the institutional level in the form of laws and the like.

14

Re: desi and angraiz

**Is that what you said to your gora friends? Tum ne bilkul is tarha se kaha? Suhaina.............that's not a very nice thing to say to someone you consider a friend. Friends are supposed to encourage each other. But your comment "I doubt you ever get true love or u do true love to someone" is discouraging and even a bit offensive. If these gora gori are still willing to be your friends, then you're lucky that they were tolerant of your tactlessness. Because most people would be offended by such a comment.

*********** Every culture has it's positive and negative aspects. If we turn a blind eye to the problems in our own culture.........how will we improve as a society? If we choose to remain in denial about issues in our society..........how will we even attempt to solve problems???????? Before picking faults in another group of people........we should examine all that's plaguing us in our own society.
**

15

Hmm... Grr... I hate to say but, despite the fact that they are quite liberal minded, our women suffer worse than theirs... in almost all aspects of their lives. And quite frankly, if their family system has collapsed, then fine... atleast they have a few systems up and running... unlike us, where the only system seems to be running wild is chaos. So brov, relax, and instead of lamenting the goras try looking at the fact that why they are so far away in technology, medical expertise, living standards and so on.... our beloved Pakistan would have to be shredded to the tinniest pieces before we even rethink of attaining those sublime standards.

16

"Everybody loves Ray" seems like depiction of desis in general. My mom loves that show and she also thinks that marie (mother in law) is some desi.

Anyways I think Some desis are strange and too much possessive of their children. They don't let their kids be independant, whereas goras are more practical and let their kids be independant.

17

Halwa.......that was one clever mirchi-halwa response you gave! Well-said. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

~~~Missing Someone~~~
18

LOL...........yeah that Marie and her condescending comments are pretty irritating on the show. Although some of the desi MIL stories you read in the Life forum make Meddling Marie seem like a saint, lol.

The Hi/Bye Thread
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What makes you ask such stupid questions?

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While I appreciate curiousity about other cultures, your questions come with a negative flavor, with which I do not align. It adulters the curiousity with criticism.

Comparatively, I think Eastern cultures tend to emphasize the group whereas Western cultures give a greater emphasis to the individual. I think each has its merits and an approach that balances the two is best.

My FSc education took me to more advanced study of science that I would have had in high school in the US (but not UK) and taught me to work hard. However, it emphasized rote over criticial thinking and original thought, and over understanding concepts. For instance, I could do integrals and derivates like a mutha in math in FSc but I did not truly grasp what each meant until I studied it in college in the US (same level of complexity). Comparatively, I think Western cultures have a greater tendency for critical thinking and challenging the status quo.

I think Eastern culture gives greater respect to elders and those of revered status, which I think is good. Western culture provides greater room to examine what those of such status might do wrong and to hold them accountable, which I think is good.

To self examine and critique the Desi culture, there is too much focus on what one does professionally and, especially, what one's father does professionally. Also, I think Desi's are quick to point out any racist behavior seen in the Western culture yet represent a more intolerant society. Lastly, I wish the Desi culture was less sensitive with respect to ego matters when it comes to what might be perceived as social rejection.

[quote]
do they think like desi..about family,kids,marrige,relations,parents,life .love..

liek w e desi feel very strong about love.we rvery concern about husband..we are very possesive baout our parents..our kids..
[/quote]

I think love is universal. Comparatively, I think love in the Desi culture idealizes sacrifice more, which is good. Comparatively, I think love in the Western culture emphasizes friendship more, which is good.

Desi culture supports kids further in life. However, it was acceptable for teachers to slap these kids hard in the face during my school days (late 80s). I think Western culture gives tremendous importance to children and extends them more rights and protection at a cultural and institutional level. It would be hard to argue that the Desi culture is necessarily better for kids.

[quote]
i find this so strange when they send there parents to old homes ...they get physicall before marrige and their kids are also one of the guest at marrige laters
[/quote]

I favor elders staying with children in old age. I am fine with the idea to remarry and I think it reflects well on the relationship between the parent and child if the child attends a second wedding.

[quote]
they dont see divorce bad...they can broke their marriges even next day after wedding
[/quote]

First, you overstate the matter by saying they can break their marriages the next day. It is very rare for such to happen.

Second, divorce is unfortunate but not always bad.

Desi marital pairings more commonly occur in the arranged or psuedo-arranged format whereas Western pairings occur more in the form of individual courtship. The former better addresses practical aspects of love and marriage, whereas the latter better addresses interpersonal aspects of love and marriage.

Comparatively, Desi weddings, especially when they occur across family friends or existing ties, are a greater union of families versus individuals. This broader union and the attention to practical aspects of marital pairings provides greater glue to hold things together.

However, this broader union also creates pressure to stay together when in fact a poor pairing has occurred and the two would be happier elsewhere. Given our patriarchal culture, I expect more often it is the woman who compromises or endures when an unhappy pairing occurs.

[quote]
and most important how they feel about love...do they love with same intensity same feelings like we asian do

i know some gora gori friends i always told them that i doubt u ever get true love or u do true love to someone....
[/quote]

I think the statement above is self aggrandazing and give credit to your gora friends for not taking offense at such a statement.

What exactly characterizes love with intensity that you can achieve but they cannot? What exactly makes your love better?