So my brother and I have never been particularly close (we’re complete opposites, he’s v.conservative and I’m the polar extreme so we tend to clash on a lot of issues) but in the last week or so things have gotten a hell of a lot worse.. He’d always assumed he’d become the ‘head’ of the family at some point as in a traditional family setup, assumed he would be staying in our home with his wife etc. which didn’t pan out in the end as my dad became irritated by how dominant he was and the fact that he would lord it over me (despite me being slightly older) and others..
Anyway, the issue of inheritance came up when my dad found out that my mum had divided her share up in a way that meant I would get a lot less than him so he amended his will to leave me a far larger share of what he has control over to make everything equal.. Now my brother has thrown a hissy fit and is basically emotionally blackmailing my mum into trying to get dad to change his mind by threatening to sell his own home and move 200 miles away.. My mum is leaning on me to give in to keep him happy whilst dad is telling me he won’t be swayed and I should just ignore.. Should I stick to my guns or give up my portion? The thing that annoys me the most is that I’ve always encouraged my parents to help him financially and this is how he’s ‘thanked’ me.. I honestly see this as more an issue of fairness but am wondering if it’s worth totally losing the relationship with my brother? Any ideas on what I should do
The onus is not just on you to maintain a relationship - your brother has a responsibility also to keep the relationship going. No need to accommodate his selfish needs and his blackmailing tactics such as threats to sell the house and move far away. Just call him on his bluff - if he does carry through with his threat, that is OK too. Show the same spine at home that you show here :)
1) Tell your dad to STOP discussing details of what he's putting in his will! (it would be great if you can get your mom to do this too). This is a great way to start these types of "wars" within a family. Tell them to keep their wills private. There is no need to have "discussions" about this. Those detaiils should only be made public once they pass away.
2) Agree with your dad. Do not allow your mother to blackmail you. She may be upset by your brother's "tactics"...but this isn't going to kill her.
3) I completely understand that its' your brother and you want him in your life. BUT....isn't every relationship a 2-way street? If your brother is willing to throw away his sister (ie. YOU) over money....then do you really want to continue that relationship knowing that you mean so little to him?
Ive seen a lot of families break over inheritance issues. And all that could be avoided if the parents did what they wanted to clearly in their lifetime. your dad is doing so. You should let him. Dont back down.
I have seen a family fighting all their life over this issue but you know to me it's a parent's right to give his/her property to whom he or she wants after all he/she owns the property and can do whatever they like. If however no will has been made during the life then offcourse the inheritance law is used but if in their own life they gift their property to someone or make a will then that should be respected. You and your brother should both respect your parents decision and I don't think you need to do anything it was your parents decision let them handle it. He has no right to influence their decision or to make you give up your right of inheritance.
I think you and your dad should tell your brother that since he's using emotional blackmail to acquire more than his share of an inheritence that has been equally divided.............then he's basically letting the family know that material things are more important to him than relationships. Slap/shame him with these points. Maybe it'll knock some sense into the bacha.
That is just ****ed up. Sorry to say it, but if this was my sister, I would not acceptance any of the inheritance. It should be yours, because you are the sister. Feminism be damned. This is still a man's world and I can go out and make money as a man. You have a harder time esp in Pakistan.
So stick to your guns. Screw your brother. Actually threaten him with some form of Taliban standard abuse. Some guys don't deserve to have sisters.
I guess I am the only one who thinks the brother should have it. I have two of my own and even if they or my folks offered any share in their inheritance I would think twice before taking. Just the way is it for me but then again every family dynamics are different. This heritance thing is just not worth fighting for. If he's being a selfish/rude/immature little twig, let him be (If he were 16, I would argue but not with a grown man). Frankly, any property that has been fought over and taken really doesn't do anybody any good. It just becomes a burden. Maybe he'd grow a brain one day, realize what a jerk he was and offer some on his own..(Wishful thinking I know, but people change)
Ideal would be if the will wasn't disclosed before they passed away. I remember my mom telling me, if my brothers ever fought over this (likelihood of which is very rare), I shouldn't bother. I've seen/heard enough of my parent's friend go through this, how it's broken homes and the guilt they lived with all their lives. IDK maybe if your dad is really persistent in giving, he could name some in your kids name, if you have any. Property aside, it would hurt me terribly, that my brothers think so little of me that they choose to spoil our relationship over some paper but then maybe I'd look at the bright side and see how much my dad loves me.
these days people live long. and well.. lets just say, statistically speaking chances are your dad's will might come into play a good 10-15 years before your mom's will. if you are going to get the lions share of that....
it might help if they did one combined thingie with everything agreed upon by all of you.
