are they just limited to things like language, dress, familiarity with pakistan, official religion [usually Muslim]…?
or does being Pakistani actually mean something more than that? like do Pakistanis have inherent character/personality traits?
i used to have this naive notion when i was younger that if a person is Pakistani he or she is a better human being…has a better dil, more warm hearted n rehmdil…i dono y but i just thought that…and i also thought that abt Muslims that Muslims are just better hearted ppl…
i dont think that anymore tho…
just being Pakistani or Muslim doesnt mean a person has a better character/personality/heart…every human being is different
Irem, every person on earth is different from the next person regardless of nationality or religion although granted, we do instinctively tend to favor our own kind, but that is just human nature. In terms of having a dil and being warm-hearted, there are Pakistanis who are cold as snakes, sly, shady, and treacherous, and non-Pakistanis who are some of the most wonderful human beings around. You have to really be open-minded and not categorize people of various ethnicites and religions. Each person has something unique to offer. I have found people back in my father’s village in Pakistan to be some of the most awesome people I have ever met and people my own age who are born and raised here like me to be some real assholes. So you see, everyone is different and should be judged on an individual basis.
i know i shouldn’t get involved in this thread… but i can’t resist!
:k: Good for you, Irem
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hm i do not think so. Think about you and your former roommate, Arabeeya. Didn’t you guys get along amazingly? You mentioned in a public thread on gupshup that you and her got along really, really well - i think it was that ‘turn ons’ thread in the Lifestyles Forum. But she’s not Pakistani, right? Yet the personalities clicked to a considerable degree; you felt she understood you and vice versa. i bet there are situations where you could predict what her response would be, how she would respond in those types of circumstances - so that means you guys really understood each other well. That means that you both shared inherent personality traits even though one is Pakistani and one is not.
hmmm okay before my rambling begins, i’ll shut up now
i know that and am mentally convinced of that totally but as u said we always end up instinctively favoring our own kind...which i know is not good and in fact always proves to be bad for me but i still just cannot seem to help it..its weird n kinda depressing
nadia why shouldnt u be involved in this thread yaar?
hmm … yup arabeeya was, is, my really really good and very dear friend
she wasnt pakistani though [tho by all standards she was but she just techincally wasnt ] she was muslim so that similarity was there…
i’m not saying k two ppl who r from ethnically different backgrounds cant click yaar…i am saying k why do we feel this affinity with ppl who r from our background?
there were ppl who i knew were pakistani n that in itself was enough to make me feel close to them in some way even tho i might not have talked to them n stuff..which is weird but thats how it was
if u meet someone who is from ur background, u automatically feel this affinity…
It is simply human nature to favor one’s own kind. Animals do it and so do humans. In my opinion, speaking from experience, I like not limiting myself to only Pakistani friends. I recall from my college days that Pakistani girls in the US, just like anywhere else, can be very immature, rude, chalak (in a bad way), and without basic etiquette, so I tended to not get too close unless I really saw something different in them. Growing up I have had Jewish friends, Chinese friends, Indian friends, Italian friends, and regular American friends. Plus, in the workplace you come across people of various nationalities so you are forced to deal with them. After all, it isn’t like I’m marrying these people. If anything though, I have broadened my horizons by overlooking people’s ethnicities and focusing on their character instead.
i've never had any close friends who were not desi or muslim...that just involuntarily happenned somehow i dono y...
hmmm...now that i am in pakistan....its really confusing tho and the way i look at people has really changed i guess...
in america it used to be pakistani/desi/muslim vs non-
now its weird, coz everyone around me is pakistani...but its not like i feel affinity with everyone..i guess i feel more of an affinity with ppl who might have similar shared experiences, values, social behavior as me...n ethnicity wise i feel affinity more with punjabis...
u tend to develop softer corners for ppl whom u feel affinity with [which is based on false assumptions] n then u get disappointed when they dont fit ur assumptions...and its ur own fault...but u cant even help it...
yeah i guess that’s true - you know someone shares your background, you automatically sometimes feel an affinity. i guess while you were in the US, you broadened your categorizes for accepting people - while you were in the US, it was anyone who was Pakistani/desi/Muslim. But now that you are in an environment where everyone predominantly already meets those categories, tau now simply being ‘Pakistani’ isn’t sufficient.
Aur don’t feel disappointed about being let down due to false assumptions That happens with all of us, i am always making assumptions about other people - and yes sometimes you are let down pretty badly. But then how else would you learn from your mistakes and make some great friends in the process? Maybe you have to be a little less ‘open’ when you accept people, i’m kindof saying - be on your guard a bit more. i dunno that sounds mean, but - aaj kal ki dunya mai aur bhi - it’s kind of getting harder to know who is trustworthy and who is not.
u r right abt the false assumptions thing yaar…yet we never learn do we?
khair…that is very excellent advice yaar…we need to be more on our guard n not trust ppl so easily…very true n its not like u can even blame the person coz it was u who made the false assumptions in the first place… sigh
n its not like u can even blame the person coz it was u who made the false assumptions in the first place… sigh