Asalamaleykum everyone,
Umeed hey aap sub loge kheriyat say hongay.
I have written another poem, but this time its very personal and am writing it in rememberance of someone very close to me. Well after reading the poem you will get an idea of what I mean, but I need to make it perfect so please help me by giving comments, critiques, suggestions, order of lines, better words etc. And I need help ASAP.
P.S. i dont write in rhymes so dont mention that.
Thankyou all.
take care,
salam.
here is the poem below…
"Thi woh"
Eik haseen duniya thi woh,
Tuti hui patiyon keh chaman(or darmiyan) meh eik mukamal phool thi woh.
Andhoori neendo ka eik mukamal khawab thi woh.
Najanay kitni sazaon meh eik inaam thi woh.
Kitni mushkilon meh eik hi sahara hi woh.
Subah ki pehli pehli kirno meh eik khushboo thi woh.
Is gham bhari duniya meh eik sukh bhari kahani thi woh.
Guzray hue waqton meh eik yaadgar lamha thi woh.
Mujhay zindagi meh hasanay ki wajah thi woh.
Kitnay anginat ansouon ko khush karnay wali thi woh.
Meray tootay hue khawabon ko jornay wala haath thi woh.
Mujhsay mera apna khayal rakhwanay wali kasam thi woh.
Anay walay kal ki umeedo ko jaganay wali kiran thi woh.
Meri toothi hui palkhon ki eik hi dua thi woh.
Meray tapaktay hue ansouon keh darmiyan eik muskurahat thi woh.
Is putlo bhari duniyan meh eik hi zinda guriya thi woh.
Meray marnay ka toh nahi, lekin meray jeenay ka sabab thi woh.
Meri…meri chotisi piyarisi guriya thi woh.
