^ok what about some of the major decisions like where you live or where you go for vacations, what you do on special occasions (christmas/thanksgiving/Eid/all others), when should you have kids if you do want to have them in the first place, things like that.....you know the big ones. does she have a say or is it a mutual decision made by both.
HMMM well where you live, is kind of basically tied to money/finances if you think about it, as it relates to work and other economic factors. So that would be me.
Vacations, that's her because i've traveled a lot, she hasn't. So its up to her to decide what she wants to see, all I ask is that I get a chance to relax there and do some reading. Also I want to go to Hajj next year Inshallah, and she's more than happy with that.
Kids, I guess that's both. But again I leave it more to her, because she is the one who has to do more of the work with the kid, so really its up to her.
My missus will often put me on the spot to make a decision, mostly 'cos she is unsure about whether it is or is not a good idea. I'm quite happy not having to make decisions at least not on our behalf. I decide things for myself all the time.
The response she gets usually depends on how she asked me the question.
We understand each others priorities and that's how we operate - i.e. by comparing which of our conflicting decisions should take priority. Mostly they don't conflict and we can sail through life quite easily ... sometimes they will conflict, which then calls for some sort of compromise.
When she does ask my opinion and it goes against her initial thoughts she may go a bit sad or try for me to change my decision. That works depending on how well her arguments go (including the emotional aspects). I've learnt to use emotion too! Good news men. Really she makes the decision of whether or not something should be decided by her, by us or by me and then all transpires therefrom. Anyway ...
Usual imbalances are:
Time vs Time
Cost vs Need Vacation going crazy
Time vs Work
Buy vs DIY
Do something vs Do nothing yet
Isnt deciding-what-to-do in the same category as deciding-what-not-to-do? So if a husband likes a house, and wants to buy it, and the wife disapproves, doesnt that mean that the wife has made the decision?
I think such instances are few and far in between, where both the husband and wife agree on the same thing, and wish/decide to do it simultaneously. In most of the cases, its usually one side's decision that trumps the other. And such instances are mostly equally divided between the husband and wife. In certain cases, the husband is in a better position to make a decision, and in others, its the wife. There cant be 2 generals in an army at the same time.
^it's an art convincing someone else of seeing your side of something and for them to actually take it into consideration, how exactly does your dad almost always convince your mom to go his way with regards to whatever issue? does it work with inflexible people too?
I think over the years, they've come to understand each other and kind of know what the other person will expect. One thing Ive noticed between them is they pick their battles which I wish I would do more often.
When there is a conflict...they talk it out. If my dad sees things differently and he will not change his mind, my mom gives in. If my mom will not change her mind and is resolute...he will. Its not perfect, they argue too. However, it dies quickly.
I firmly old the stearing , accelarator and brakes. I dictate the path and take good care of my sweetheart. She plays melodies with soothing effects on my degenrated soul.
Largely, the person who you might think is dominating or controlling, really isnt. They just have a more apparent personality than their partner. Added to that, the one that runs the show knows their partner's likes and dislikes very well. Most of the time, decisions they make will be ones where their partner has also been thought of and considered.
The personality is part of their dominant nature. Having an "apparent" personality, as you put it, makes it easier for people to thwart decisions / choices they don't like, right of the bat, owing to their personality. Also, it doesn't mean much that the likes / dislikes of the non-assertive partner are considered. Fact remains that one person ends up taking charge of important events and decisions, and hence becomes the dominant partner.
There may not be any mal-intent but it happens and its only natural with any two people living together.
The personality is part of their dominant nature. Having an "apparent" personality, as you put it, makes it easier for people to thwart decisions / choices they don't like, right of the bat, owing to their personality. Also, it doesn't mean much that the likes / dislikes of the non-assertive partner are considered. Fact remains that one person ends up taking charge of important events and decisions, and hence becomes the dominant partner.
There may not be any mal-intent but it happens and its only natural with any two people living together.
What you say may well be true for some people but not always.
Often, you'll find it where one person seems like they're the more dominating half but they're actually not. My dad is not social and doesnt care to be. My mom is very much social and loves meeting people. When people meet them, they think my mom is more dominating. Its a matter of perception and not every single perception is reality.
What you say may well be true for some people but not always.
Often, you'll find it where one person seems like they're the more dominating half but they're actually not. My dad is not social and doesnt care to be. My mom is very much social and loves meeting people. When people meet them, they think my mom is more dominating. Its a matter of perception and not every single perception is reality.
how do they get along if they are so different, you dad isn't social and hates going to social gatherings, meeting people but does he still accompany your mom everywhere without making it difficult for her or making it seem like he's been forced? or is it something she has to constantly convince him of whether they should go or not. looking at your other post, i guess he is considerate and caring of her feelings but he just does it in a non ostentatious way
All the **unimportant **decisions like where will we go on vacations, what color we want for our living room, which sofa to buy, where to invest, how much to invest, how much to spend on gifts etc are taken by my wife
while all the** important** decisions like what should we cook today, should we buy thick bread or thin sliced bread, should be buy red bell-pepper or orange bell-pepper etc are my decisions
that’s so cute, how did you guys end up becoming so flexible well atleast in terms of your personality. You’re totally fine with her being able to decide all that, you don’t have any issues?
wow, well it’s incredible that you found each other and may Allah bless you with more happiness always. ohh i’m so envious, hope to have what you two have
With decision making comes responsibility with responsibility comes restrictions …
her domain is so unimportant that she HAS To consult me before making any decision because she knows if she messes it up, its not gona be good for whole family. My mistakes can mostly be undone by ordering $14.99 pizza …go figure
On serious note:
by nature most of the people (if not everyone) like to be in-charge. I realized that I enjoy being in-charge at at work, so I let wife be in-charge at home. Ghar ka mahool acha rehta hai
