But I was chatting with a friend about who gets to decide who gets invited to a wedding. Is it the couple because it’s their happy day, the parents because they’re paying for the wedding, how about relatives - do they get to give their input?
And who do you invite to your wedding - people who will share in and celebrate in the happy day? All family (including 3rd cousins twice removed, because they’re family)? And how about people who invited you to their/their children’s wedding in a gesture of reciprocity?
And what about those relatives who are just plain old mean and haven’t a nice thing to say about anyone. Doyou invite them to your 600 guest wedding because, hey it’s just another family and you can stick them somewhere in the back or do you keep them off the guest list because you don’t want their negativity to taint your happy day?
Mods - since there are a lot of relationship issues embedded in this topic, please don’t move to the Wedding Forum
i tell u desi rules of wedding invitees (approximate order of importance)
1.invite as much family as possible…with whom u have good terms…(or want)
2.don’t invite family with u have phadda (and u want to make it obvious that u don’t like them)
3.Invite everyone to whose wedding u went to…(u need to recover the amount of gifts u gave them)
4.Invite important people that need to be sucked up to (bosses, community leaders etc)
5.Invite a celebrity or something (even if a stand up comedian who sucks really bad)
6.Invite the family whose kids are to be ‘explored’ for rishta hunt..
its an auspicious occasion so there should be explicit generosity of good will gesture I suppose, so that the couple is blessed with as much as prays and there are as many people to share the pleasure as the hosts can afford. As to whether you prepare the list of guests or your parents/silings, it goes mutual, usually. because its everyone's pleasure (in the family) so each one should have their share and valued participation.
I'm not getting married either, but when and if I do......I know that I won't have complete control in this matter especially in regards to the attendees from my side. There are some people (among family friends and relatives) that I would not want at my wedding...nor would I want them on any of the other days (mehndi, etc). They have more of a connection with my parents and will be invited as its the polite thing to do.
Some of it is just NOT in your control. Not too long ago I attended the wedding of a friend...she looked lovely (like a doll) and things turned out well, however she was HIGHLY stressed because the days leading up to the wedding (and this is like a couple of days prior) she had family friends and relos telling her she needs to lose weight, asking her about her embarrassing questions hinting toward the more intimate aspects of marriage, telling her to look down and not smile.....asking inappropriate questions that were none of their business, just bringing her down....just complete paindus. At another wedding that I went to....this aunti was passing out flyers pertaining to her business....mind you she wasn't a caterer or a wedding planner. Just got up and went table to table passing em out. Had her hair dyed a very light brown and cut very short like a gori...and the manners of a paindu. These people just ruin memories for a person. An interesting thread would be ...how does one deal with such people. Do you stay quiet...or do you put them in their place. I'm leaning toward the latter...I don't feel like taking the higher road when my special day is coming up.
Just leave it to “chance” and call the outcome destiny/fate. You will need rolling dice. Assign each “guest” on the list a number 1-6. Then cast the dice. If the dice come up with the assigned number…they’re invited. If not…oh well. Too bad, so sad…they can’t come. I think that’s how I’ll do it. May not be sensible…but sure would a helluva lot more funner.
What if there is someone the bride and groom actively dislike (and actually the parents dislike as well), but because they’re “family” they expect an invitation - should you be better person and invite them or keep them off the guest list?
what i don't understand is when you tell someone to come, attend etc...include you in their "plans" but then never follow up and don't invite you. and then we're expected to shut up and put up.
Getting married doesn't give you an excuse to be mean and treat others like crap.
I think it depends on the reason for dislike. But if it’s the kind of thing where you want to maintain a civil relationship and don’t want to cause further issues, then just invite them.
Look I know that in an ideal world that’s not how it would be on your wedding day. I’m just making suggestions to make the wedding day the least stressful possible. The bride and groom don’t need to be constantly involved in these sorts of decisions and issues.
I think everyone has a say. With the couple having absolute veto power. Id allow my brothers to choose friends they want to invite. Id have my own friends there. Amongst mom and dad, they can chose who they want respectively. After a main list is drawn up, the trimming can begin according to the allowance for number of people previously decided upon.
It is upto the people who are more directly related to such persons to make that choice. I believe the bride and groom should show magnanimity and grace in allowing an invitation to be sent out if there is room for it in the budget and venue if the invitee so decides to call them
eg if it is a mamu u have bad blood with, it is upto the mom to decide whether she wants to invite her brother
if it is a chacha who has bad terms with family it is upto the dad to decide and so on
It happens. You can’t get out of it. I have first cousins who went out of their way to cause trouble the minute they found out I was getting married … my dad didn’t say or do anything about it because they were “family” … and trust me, these girls were mean. Years of buried jealousy and resentment came out and everybody saw it.
At the end of the day, if anybody tries to cause trouble, other people will see it (aside from yourself) and the trouble makers will lose whatever respect they had. I don’t think you can get out of inviting them unless you cut all ties to the family and are not on speaking terms.
It happens. You can't get out of it. I have first cousins who went out of their way to cause trouble the minute they found out I was getting married ..... my dad didn't say or do anything about it because they were "family" ... and trust me, these girls were mean. Years of buried jealousy and resentment came out and everybody saw it.
At the end of the day, if anybody tries to cause trouble, other people will see it (aside from yourself) and the trouble makers will lose whatever respect they had. I don't think you can get out of inviting them unless you cut all ties to the family and are not on speaking terms.
on my wedding, I invted people that genuinely felt and were happy for me. Positive people. Yes, there were family members that my dad wanted to invite, but I did not feel comfortable in inviting them. Therefore I compromised with my dad and he got to invite the male relatives of these family members and not the women/children. I was happy with this because I really didnt see and notice these male relatives and the women that I disliked were not around.
My brother did invite his friends to my wedding (which i though was weird lol), but he helped me a lot with the wedding preps that I thought it was okay.
I honestly think it was a wise decision because I was really happy that day. There was no negativity around me and no body brought me down with their hakathain and drama.
As for the groom's side, I didnt know anyone from their side, but hubby's family invited whoever they please and I didnt have an issue with that.
May not be sensible…but sure would a helluva lot more funner. 