Deciding on behalf of others

[Fayz]

In one of the threads in Life1, a guppie mentioned that he could have married this Spanish girl but he didn’t because she seemed unfit for his family and environment. which I feel is a reasonable concern.

I’d assume that if the Spanish woman really loved him, her reaction would be to convince him that she will make every effort to fit in but the chances of that marriage to succeed in a ‘realistic world of Pakistan’ are not that great in my opinion.

Most of the time guys get into this practical mindset before even knowing the girl or pursuing a relationship.
This scenario is just an example, my question is when guy’s make decisions on behalf of girls..are they being fair in their assessment? In this case, should the girl take his decision as a rejection (where he is not really rejecting the girl but being more practical about the future)?

[LuxuryItem]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@Fayz

I’d assume that if the Spanish woman really loved him, her reaction would be to convince him that she will make every effort to fit in but the chances of that marriage to succeed in a ‘realistic world of Pakistan’ are not that great in my opinion.

I read that post as well...

We don't know whether poster actually discussed the "realities" of married life in Pakistan with his girlfriend or just arrived at the conclusion unilaterally.

Poster sahab, feel free to chime in and correct any assumptions here. Merci boku.

[parissenoor]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@Fayz

In one of the threads in Life1, a guppie mentioned that he could have married this Spanish girl but he didn’t because she seemed unfit for his family and environment. which I feel is a reasonable concern.

I’d assume that if the Spanish woman really loved him, her reaction would be to convince him that she will make every effort to fit in but the chances of that marriage to succeed in a ‘realistic world of Pakistan’ are not that great in my opinion.

Most of the time guys get into this practical mindset before even knowing the girl or pursuing a relationship.
This scenario is just an example, my question is when guy’s make decisions on behalf of girls..are they being fair in their assessment? In this case, should the girl take his decision as a rejection (where he is not really rejecting the girl but being more practical about the future)?

making a decision on behalf of the girl is WRONG!
we have brain too:grumpy:!
so no they are not being fair, and i don’t think it is a valid excuse, i think it is a rejection! and a very lame excuse.
guys who have foreign gf and then drop them cause they would not “fit in” are cowards, and racists nothing to be proud of.

hopefully there are nice guys in pakistan too:o

[khawateen]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

i dont think its wrong… fallin in love with someone .. and then asking them to change in a major way is not exactly a picnic… maybe he knew the hardships that the girl would face.. even if she willingly got into it… its not easy to give up how ure used to living and try to adapt to a very very different lifestyle…

what i dont understand is.. why do ppl fall in love, and THEN think bout the hardships.. array bhayo aur behno… soch samajh ker piyar karo!
i refuse to believe love is blind.. atleast not for me

[CareBear]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@khawateen

soch samajh ker piyar karo!

ie. arranged marriage. :D

[Ex-Guppan]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

Isn't it a little too late to think of settling down concerns, after being gf/bf for some time? Don't people think before getting intimate with someone, oh, she's a spanish or french or pathan or whatever. They enjoy the bf/gf relationship (to whatever extent) and then one morning, they wake up and decide, oh she won't be able to fit into my family or culture ... DUH

I think guys take women for a ride, being intimate, enjoying the care, love, emotions, TLC, and then they just snap out of it, oh it's not gonna work out so before it gets messier, let me tell her the practical realities, or let me just walk away.

When women love, it means the whole world to them, so whoever is falling for anyone, should think twice before getting into a relationship. Love is a Major Responsibility. No one has the right to hurt someone or mock someone's pure love. Yes, sure she will understand in the end, when you put all cards on the table, look it's not gonna work out. What is she gonna do, beg you to let her love you, marry you? It's simple and easy, you tell her that's it, she'll be hurt, broken into pieces, but who sees that, and who cares! Move on, it's not practically feasible, right?

Ka'bay ko toriyeh, but-khana dhayieh .....
dil ko na toriyeh, ye khuda ka muqaam hai!

[parissenoor]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@Larki-NY

Isn’t it a little too late to think of settling down concerns, after being gf/bf for some time? Don’t people think before getting intimate with someone, oh, she’s a spanish or french or pathan or whatever. They enjoy the bf/gf relationship (to whatever extent) and then one morning, they wake up and decide, oh she won’t be able to fit into my family or culture … DUH

I think guys take women for a ride, being intimate, enjoying the care, love, emotions, TLC, and then they just snap out of it, oh it’s not gonna work out so before it gets messier, let me tell her the practical realities, or let me just walk away.

When women love, it means the whole world to them, so whoever is falling for anyone, should think twice before getting into a relationship. Love is a Major Responsibility. No one has the right to hurt someone or mock someone’s pure love. Yes, sure she will understand in the end, when you put all cards on the table, look it’s not gonna work out. What is she gonna do, beg you to let her love you, marry you? It’s simple and easy, you tell her that’s it, she’ll be hurt, broken into pieces, but who sees that, and who cares! Move on, it’s not practically feasible, right?

Ka’bay ko toriyeh, but-khana dhayieh …
dil ko na toriyeh, ye khuda ka muqaam hai!

shabash larki-NY
this explain why i said such guys are cowards, racists, and i aadd: jerks:grumpy: and why they DESERVE being bashed constantly on gs: again:

[Shoor]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

i think people here are assuming too much without knowing the poster's actual story.

maybe they parted ways amiably? then where will the judgemental comments made by many stand, i wonder.

[Shoor]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@Fayz

This scenario is just an example, my question is when guy’s make decisions on behalf of girls..are they being fair in their assessment? I*n this case, should the girl take his decision as a rejection (where he is not really rejecting the girl but being more practical about the future)*?

now then, that's called jumping to the wrong conclusions isnit?

my point is, if it was indeed 'love' in all it's sincerity, they would have gone ahead and got married anyway. they didn't, well there could be one in many reasons for that.

[Ex-Guppan]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@parissenoor

shabash larki-NY
this explain why i said such guys are cowards, racists, and i aadd: jerks:grumpy: and why they DESERVE being bashed constantly on gs: again:

Thanx

[PhatBalongri]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

i with larki too, some guys are retards.

[niyal]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

a women always knows how 2 play her part

so keep away u all duffers!

[Ex-Guppan]

Re: Deciding on behalf of others

@Shoor

now then, that's called jumping to the wrong conclusions isnit?

my point is, if it was indeed 'love' in all it's sincerity, they would have gone ahead and got married anyway. they didn't, well there could be one in many reasons for that.

Shoor, your post (highlighted in red) says it all. It's a golden sentence. No ifs and buts!