To,
PCB Selectors,
Dear sir/madam,
It is with utmost remorse (relief in reality) that I request to be dropped from the Pakistani team with immediate effect. I’d also like to add that I want to be part of the team, be selected in the playing eleven on the eve of match only to be dropped again in the morning of an international match. That just might erase the obviuos guilt I have of some thousand dollies of catches and misstumpings. At first, I was proud to succeed heroes like Rashid Latif and Moin Khan but now I feel ashamed that I have let them down. Even Anil Dilpat called me up and told me his self esteem has risen many stocks in last one and half year seeing me miss chances by chances.
I would like to tell you of my efforts to overcome this bad patch i have. While taking showers, I started experimenting throwing soap bar in the air and trying to catch it but to no avail, I kept dropping that bar. The only effect that experiment had was that I started treating all those deliveries as soap bars and inevitably dropping em. (apologies for sharing intimate details, sir!). I hired a personal trainer too. But somehow I missed the part that he is a goal-keeper trainer and not a wicket keeper one. As a result, you might have noticed I have mastered the art of diving to knick the ball past goal post (ala Buffon and Cech) and thus even slip fielders cannot reach my strong slaps.
Inzi bhai and Late Bob woolmer persisted with me for as long as their fate could allow. With new regime, I felt a new dropping sensation in my body and went on to reach new lows knowing that somehow this management is not looking beyond me. They told me that I could bat. Yes, to some extent I can but to my horror, I am asked to open (when you openly stated like thousand times that you want specialist openers). Kindly let me know if thats the future you see for me. That will help me concentrate on my batting and batting only.
I hope you consider. I categorically state that I should NOT be held responsible for any further missed chances in this series or the coming one. Younis bhai should take that ‘emergency’ role too after he has assumed the vacant VC post for the time being.
Waiting for your positive response.
Aap ka Akmal
(ahhh, some dreams dont come true that quickly 
)
