Dear Bible Thumpers

Hangout GupShup Cafe
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** Dear Bible Thumpers****,**

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said “in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman.” I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that **Leviticus 18:22 **clearly states it to be an abomination… End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other  elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
  1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
  2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
  3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
  4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
  5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
  6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
  7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
  8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
  9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
  10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?(Lev.20:14)

Thank you for all your help

Source

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Re: Dear Bible Thumpers

  1. Canadians are useless. and we are lucky enough we don't have to buy Mexicans. They come free. So no viloation to the God's laws.

  2. You can try to sell her only after she is 18. I heard they have new beds and baths installed in state prisons last year.

  3. Ask her before touching.

  4. next time cook your sacrifical bull using Shan Masala and make curry out of it. Your neighbours will leave the city voluntarily. Problem solved.

  5. Tell him there is no over time pay on holidays anymore. (your friend seems to be Indian)

  6. good thing is if he commitss homosexuality, he can eat shellfish without any additional harm.

  7. God has fixed that problem. He sent Laser surgery to us now.

  8. If the trimmed hair or longer than a kidney bean, they can die peacefully.

9 . yes, if you be carefull and not scratch your balls with your gloves while playing.

  1. Make them wear pure polyester for rest of their lives as alternate punishment.
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Re: Dear Bible Thumpers

lol @ChannMahi

43 km portion of Islamabad-Muzaffarabad Highway opening soon.