Dear Auntie Sobi/Shahreen ...

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I’m not one to blow my own trumpet, but I’m one hell of a good listener/advice giver, so I’m starting an agony aunt style discussion forum typa thangamajig, where you lucky people get to PM either Shahreen or myself with your problems.

We’ll post your embarrassing problems up here (under an anonymous alias ofcourse), and give you our honest advice, based on our years of experience in this field (we’re both women, and advice giving comes naturally to women).

We’ve experienced bad relationships/strict parents/health problems etc so that you don’t have to :k:

No problem is too big for us, and I truly believe that a problem aired is a problem shared, so get pming.

2

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Dear SOBI:

My friend was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?

Wondering,

Bilquis
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Personally I don't think this is any of your business, this is between your friend and his wife.

If however you are spending night after night thinking how this may be possible, it's not. The baby was obviously conceived prior to teh marriage.

3

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Dear Aunty Shaz,

One of my cousins (male) is very interested in one of my friends (female), He really wants to marry her and he has asked me a couple of times to help him out. The fact is that that certain friend of mine is not what he has in mind. First of all, she is not a Virgin for sure, smokes , and drinks here and there. I know she sleeps around and she has even admitted it to me herself. I have told him about her boyfriends and he has always said "It's not like main koyee parssa hoon, mere girlfriend ki list tu endless hain Uss sai bhi yeh bhool kabhi ho gayee honghey" He really doesn't know what he is going for? She does seem like a nice girl (personality wise) very smart, very pretty and sure knows how do pretend and hide things. Now, how the hell do I tell him the real deal?

Gulnaz

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Well Gulnaz, I don't think it's really for you to decide whether this girl is good enough for your cousin or not. It can be quite difficult when we see loved ones make decisions that we think might hurt them, but we need to allow them to take these risks, or they will never learn. Allow time for your cousin and friend to get to know each other ... your friend may well feel comfortble enough to tell your cousin about her past, but this is a decision that should be entirely hers. You need to be careful where you go from here or you might end up losing a good cousin * and * a good friend.

4

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Dear Auntie Sobi,

I’ve fallen in love with this atheist girl I met in the club last weekend, and she totally rocks my world. Not a day goes by that I don’t fantasise about taking her home to meet my parents, but I know they won’t agree. They spent all their savings in order to get me a good education in America, and I feel I owe them a good ‘bahu’! I’ve tried talking to her about converting, but she just fobs me off with ‘oh God …..’ and then she gores quiet. I wish I could show her the light.

Plus I love the Urdu language and wouldn’t dream of marrying a non Urdu speaker. But I still love her.

Yours lovingly,

Lewis.

  • Please note, this letter has been slightly edited to make it more reader friendly.

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Lewis,

I know it’s tough but you need to decide whether this is love or lust. It’s easy to get carried away with our fantasies … one minute you’re eyeing up some bird in the club and the next you’re introducing her to your parents … slow down, what’s the hurry?! You need to get to know her first … get to know her personality, her hobbies, her likes/dislikes.

If eventually your relationship does lead to love, then count yourself lucky and accept her for who she is. It is wrong to enforce your religion on someone (especially someone you love). It is also wrong of you to expect your partner to live a lie as religion s a very personal thing.

As for introducing her to your parents, I know it might be tough but you need to make them realise what she means to you. The fact that they spent their life savings giving you a good education obviously means they want the best for your future, and if this girl is what makes you happy, then I’m sure they’ll come ‘round. Eventually. Even if they don’t, you’ve got to remember that you’re the one that is going to live with her for the rest if your life, not your parents. By the way, the fact that she’s an atheist doesn’t mean she’s going to make a bad bahu :s

As for the language barrier, there isn’t one … YOUR English is absolutely fine (and if her not speaking urdu * is * going to be a problem, then teach her … Amitabh Bachan and Rati made it look quite romantic in Andha Quanoon).

I wish you the best of luck, stay strong

Sobi.