DEAR ABBY:
Ever since our baby girl arrived eight months ago, my husband and I have been inundated with baby gifts. Our daughter is the only grandchild on both sides of the family. My husband's parents and mine are divorced and remarried, so there are eight grandparents doting on our daughter. Consequently, we have received multiples of every baby item you can imagine.
Because we live in a small apartment with few closets, there is nowhere to put all these things. We have donated several boxes of clothes and toys to the local shelter. My parents become upset if they visit and we can't produce every single item they sent us. They want us to get rid of other people's gifts and keep only theirs. I don't like the tension this is causing. Are we obligated to keep these gifts, Abby? Isn't there a way to encourage people to be more restrained in their giving? -- TIRED MOM IN THE CITY
Politely explain to each set of grandparents that you are facing a serious storage issue and will no longer be accepting tangible gifts.
Set up an college education fund in your child's name which the grandparents can access. Explain to them that this is the most valuable gift that they could ever give their grandchild, an opportunity for a sound future.
^ I love this idea...my sister has done the same thing. Everytime there is something special happening, I do either money and clothes or portraits and clothes. She has a college fund that was set up with the baby was born so it goes directly in there! Give a gift that gives and gives!
Dear Tired,
I faced this same issue with my sons. It was exhausting and discouraging to never be able to get the house "in order" since there was so much clutter around.
Donate extra items to a charity. Tell the gift givers that you must do this since there isnt enough room to even safely navigate through the place without tripping over toys, games and baby accessories. And that while the thoughts are very muchly appreciated, it would be such a blessing to have contributions to their college fund.
Dear Tired,
Move to a different city, otherwise all those grandparents will turn you little angel into a little brat and you are the one who will have to deal with it on a 24x7 basis.
Love , gifts all are fine and dandy , you can always open a tuck shop to sell them off , but the long term damage to her personality is what you should be worried about.
**Dear Prudence,
**My new mother-in-law is causing me a conundrum (the first of many, I'm sure). She's called my husband twice and e-mailed me once, asking for a list of the wedding gifts we received from her friends and family. She wants to know so she can "be equally generous when their children get married." This seems tacky to me. I don't want to think of gift-giving this way ("Uncle Joe gave us $150 but Aunt Lisa gave us only $50. He must love us more"), and I don't think it's any of her business who gave what. I'm thankful for everyone's kind words and gifts, and have been trying to express that in our thank-you cards. It feels like she's cheapening my enjoyment of this process. Frankly, I think she should give gifts based on what she can afford and wants to give, without worrying about whether it makes her even on some imaginary gift-giving scorecard. But I don't want to make a big deal out of it or create an issue I'll have to hear about for years. Should I just answer her because that would put the issue to rest, or should I tell her I think she's tacky for this tit-for-tat approach to gift-giving?
—Not Wanting To Sound Like a Scold
Dear Scold,
Tell her that it is none of her business. It was not her wedding after all.
She has no right to know. If you did not make a list and you have already sent those thank you notes then tell her so.
sorry, sara. I lost answer for the last question. i forgot what date it was on. so i couldn't find. I won't lose it for this one though!
okay for this one i sort of disagree with Mirch. That is not the way to start a good MIL and DIL relationship. I mean the first thing DIL does is teach her MIL about gift giving? not cool. And the MIL does have the right to know because a lot of these gifts are probably through the MIL's friends and relations.
sorry, sara. I lost answer for the last question. i forgot what date it was on. so i couldn't find. I won't lose it for this one though!
okay for this one i sort of disagree with Mirch. That is not the way to start a good MIL and DIL relationship. I mean the first thing DIL does is teach her MIL about gift giving? not cool. And the MIL does have the right to know because a lot of these gifts are probably through the MIL's friends and relations.
I do not mind you disagreeing with my POV but I think if we avoid criticizing other posters responses and post our own response that will be a better format for this thread. Otherwise if people start criticizing other responses and they start defending then this thread will loose its charm.
my 2 cents.
sorry, sara. I lost answer for the last question. i forgot what date it was on. so i couldn't find. I won't lose it for this one though!
Here is her response to Frusty mom:
DEAR MOM: There is, but it will require you and your husband to become proactive. Tell your parents that you do not have enough room to accommodate their generosity and request that they limit themselves to one gift per couple. To avoid duplication, ask them to coordinate with each other when buying gifts for their grandchild.
As to your parents, explain that you love them, but once a gift is given it is the recipient's to do with as she wishes (right now, that's you). And explain that if you give everyone else's gifts away and not some of theirs, the others will be offended -- so it's not gonna happen. Period.