My cousin Arif has been in a process of getting a divorce from Shami. It has been one year since their separation and court trial. They wanted to take out as much money as they could from my cousin’s bank account according to U.S law. My cousin’s dad provided Shami’s family with green cards under his business and moved the entire family to U.S. They lived 5 minutes away from Shami’s so she would stay at her parent’s house more than staying with her husband. Shami wanted Arif to pay her $4,000 every month for expenses and pocket money. They argued about it for over a year that he cant afford to pay her that much. The family allowed her 2 years to be responsible and take role in house chores but Shami never did any work since servants are available in Pakistan. After 2 years, the husband started telling her to take interest in house responsibilities. She never made breakfast for her husband neither participated serving her mother-in-law. The marriage ended due to irreconcilable differences between Shami and Arif.
Arif’s family has been trying to keep the divorce at low level in the community. On the other hand, Shami’s family has been spreading rumors to bring Arif’s family reputation down that Arif’s mom did zulm on my daughter. In reality, the mom has been very sweet to her and never pushed her to do any work. The daughter never served her food. Reality is that the wife was not happy about living in a joint family system but my cousin wanted to live with his old mother. He thought she was his responsibility. My cousin loved her a lot but she never appreciated his love. How am I supposed to deal with them spreading rumors about the family and lying about the mom who is very islamic? Why does the girl get sympathy? The girl was very greedy and she always bugged my cousin about everything… I dont feel comfortable about sharing this with people but should I start telling people about their family’s real face? Badnaami kyu ker rahay hai apni beti ki na-qamiyabi per?
Everyone tried to save the relation but Shami’s family ruined the daughter’s life by controlling her. Arif made a statement that Shami never told her that she loves him in 4 years of marriage. She would be with him but have thoughts of her mom in mind. She was never a responsible wife who never cooked or clean, when told by her husband to clean then she felt that he was doing zulm on her. Arif tried very hard with love to make her understand but she never listened. Shami wanted to get paid every month to sit in her room whole day long and have the title of being his wife.
What do the the girl’s family get with false statement sympathy?
Gosh just divorce her if no one is happy. If she wants to talk crap she can all she want, usually the guy has nothing to lose in the desi community. She'll learn her lesson later on. Maybe shes been watching the drama "MAAT" too much getting inspired by the characters. MAYBE
once again, i don't see how your cousin's dad could get anyone green cards like that unless you are talking serious immigration fraud - claiming your in laws family to be his highly skilled employees at his business etc. i wouldn't believe a thing your cousin says.
I really don't think the girl is getting sympathy - if anything, at the end of the day, the rabble rousers are the ones that everyone thinks created the problem - decent families don't wash their dirty laundry in public. Maybe now, you think people are sympathetic towards her, and b/c the family is shouting their sob story, others have to respond by agreeing with them to their face. After their divorce, your cousin being the guy will have less trouble finding a girl - just the way things are in our culture. All I can say is: Patience.
Honestly, i do not understand these women wanting alimony after a divorce if there are no kids involved. After a divorce - wouldn't someone want to block that part of their memory and cut off all connections with that person?
let them say wht they r saying if u wnat to do the same thn wht vl be difference bw u n them? the topic which is finished y to repeat tht again n again
It is obvious that her family are laying the groundwork for her to get remarried later on down the line. Make enough noise now claiming bad treatment and noone blames girl for divorce
i don't know but it sounds a little suspicious to me when either the guy or the gal can do no wrong.....
I can anticipate that there is usually one person in the relationship that may take a greater amount of blame but highly unlikely that either is totally blameless as is portrayed here.
i don't know but it sounds a little suspicious to me when either the guy or the gal can do no wrong.....
I can anticipate that there is usually one person in the relationship that may take a greater amount of blame but highly unlikely that either is totally blameless as is portrayed here.
The girl belongs to a rich family just like us but she had 11 servants in Pakistan so she had very hard time adjusting. My cousin asked her to be responsible after 2 years of marriage to give her enough time but she eventually failed.
The girl belongs to a rich family just like us but she had 11 servants in Pakistan so she had very hard time adjusting. My cousin asked her to be responsible after 2 years of marriage to give her enough time but she eventually failed.
What I don't understand is that people have 'slave labour' in Pakistan - they pay ppl minimal wages and get maximum work out of them. When they move abroad, why can't these "rich" folks afford some help? You don't have to be rich in Canada or the U.S. to afford for someone to come by and help out with the housework. I mean I guess this 'princess' was used to a certain lifestyle in her home in Pakistan. For a few hundred dollars (more or less depending on which city you live) you can afford someone to come by and help you out a few times a month! Also, when you have kids you can get baby sitters / nannies for help too! Why not spend the money and save your marriage?! I mean is the issue that you don't want to pay someone a fair wage for housework / minding children?
The girl belongs to a rich family just like us but she had 11 servants in Pakistan so she had very hard time adjusting. My cousin asked her to be responsible after 2 years of marriage to give her enough time but she eventually failed.
This is why they say "apne apnon mey vyah kiya karo"
My cousin Arif has been in a process of getting a divorce from Shami. It has been one year since their separation and court trial. They wanted to take out as much money as they could from my cousin's bank account according to U.S law. My cousin's dad provided Shami's family with green cards under his business and moved the entire family to U.S. They lived 5 minutes away from Shami's so she would stay at her parent's house more than staying with her husband. Shami wanted Arif to pay her $4,000 every month for expenses and pocket money. They argued about it for over a year that he cant afford to pay her that much. The family allowed her 2 years to be responsible and take role in house chores but Shami never did any work since servants are available in Pakistan. After 2 years, the husband started telling her to take interest in house responsibilities. She never made breakfast for her husband neither participated serving her mother-in-law. The marriage ended due to irreconcilable differences between Shami and Arif.
Arif's family has been trying to keep the divorce at low level in the community. On the other hand, Shami's family has been spreading rumors to bring Arif’s family reputation down that Arif's mom did zulm on my daughter. In reality, the mom has been very sweet to her and never pushed her to do any work. The daughter never served her food. Reality is that the wife was not happy about living in a joint family system but my cousin wanted to live with his old mother. He thought she was his responsibility. My cousin loved her a lot but she never appreciated his love. How am I supposed to deal with them spreading rumors about the family and lying about the mom who is very islamic? Why does the girl get sympathy? The girl was very greedy and she always bugged my cousin about everything... I dont feel comfortable about sharing this with people but should I start telling people about their family's real face? Badnaami kyu ker rahay hai apni beti ki na-qamiyabi per?
Everyone tried to save the relation but Shami's family ruined the daughter's life by controlling her. Arif made a statement that Shami never told her that she loves him in 4 years of marriage. She would be with him but have thoughts of her mom in mind. She was never a responsible wife who never cooked or clean, when told by her husband to clean then she felt that he was doing zulm on her. Arif tried very hard with love to make her understand but she never listened. Shami wanted to get paid every month to sit in her room whole day long and have the title of being his wife.
What do the the girl's family get with false statement sympathy?
See below
i don't know but it sounds a little suspicious to me when either the guy or the gal can do no wrong.....
I can anticipate that there is usually one person in the relationship that may take a greater amount of blame but highly unlikely that either is totally blameless as is portrayed here.
To the OP:
I'm not saying you're wrong or right. What I am saying is that it sounds weird...highly unlikely that all this happened and ONLY the girl was to blame here. I am pretty sure there's more to this story.
If the divorce happened through the US courts system, than spousal support/alimony will be based on 1)how long they were married 2)how much each spouse makes (who was the primary provider...she can demand whatever amount she wishes, but if the court sees he can't afford, she doesn't have much of a choice in the matter...
As far as community gossip goes...best to divert your energies elsewhere. There is nothing you can do or say to keep people from forming and voicing their opinions..
And I agree with Reha & Muzna, there has to be more to this story...it's highly improbable that the girl and her family are the only ones at fault.
If the divorce happened through the US courts system, than spousal support/alimony will be based on 1)how long they were married 2)how much each spouse makes (who was the primary provider...she can demand whatever amount she wishes, but if the court sees he can't afford, she doesn't have much of a choice in the matter...
As far as community gossip goes...best to divert your energies elsewhere. There is nothing you can do or say to keep people from forming and voicing their opinions..
And I agree with Reha & Muzna, there has to be more to this story...it's highly improbable that the girl and her family are the only ones at fault.
The girl's mom wanted them to live separately. This is a very unusual divorce, trust me!... The boy and the girl didn't get along since she was not doing her obligations as a wife. He took her out to different states every month in their 4 years of marriage so he can help her adjust but she always argued with him about living separately so they can have an independent life. My cousin again didn’t wanted to leave the parents even parents insisted to make things better for themselves. My cousin stated if she can’t walk with him and provide her support then how is she going to spend rest of her life with me. She was very concerned about my cousin’s money. They did have someone who came over for cleaning once a month. The other side of the story is that she never wanted to be part of their family. It was an arranged marriage. My cousin didnt like her staying at her parent's place for 4 days and staying at his place for 3 days. They had various issues that kept on building. The reason is transformation of "singlehood" to "married life" was difficult for the girl. My cousin's sister asked her to goto movies with her and go shopping with her but Shammi always rejected. I guess she didnt wanted to be part of the family. Now, the family is getting the blame… Shammi was making decision based on her mother’s choice and she never used her brain. Shammi and Arif are both nice individuals but sometimes people just don’t click no matter how hard you try. Arif even packed 100 of gifts with his own hand to surprise her on her birthday but I guess he completely failed in terms of satisfying her to adapt his ways.