hello,
i want to know your thoughts on the following:
How do you react to people who draw attention to themselves,when initially they are trying to make you feel better or apologize for upsetting you deeply?
Imagine a loved one has upset you and made you cry eventually,and you gather courage to tell them so. You can see they are feeling guilty and are sorry but all of sudden the attention is drawn to their own self by either crying and claiming how bad they are or by saying they are feeling so low,chest pain and all because their heart hurt for hurting you.So basically, you end up comforting them and worrying for them when in fact you wanted to be comforted for once.
Doesnt that make you angry if it happens? Or is it me? Maybe I am the attention seeker?
Please share if you have been in similar situations. It could be your spouse,sister,parents or friend.
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
Well, you did admit that you were looking for more than just an apology. You said you wanted comfort, which is a form of attention. Could be that it's their way of making you feel guilty, or maybe they're genuinely upset for hurting you. If this is a tendency they have that's driving you batty, then you can attempt to nip it in the bud by addressing this issue and this will depend on what type of relationship this is and how close you two are, or you can choose to let things slide to spare yourself this routine, or you can try to avoid saying/doing things which tend to result in this behavior.
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
hmm.
i guess i want the time. i usually am the listener and the one who comfort. so when it is my turn, i expect the same treatment given , not the guilt feeling.
i could tell the person(here it is my sister) but i know she will sulk in even more and be depressed.
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
Just to add , every one has their own way of responding and expressing in such a situation. Sometimes we too have to be understanding towards them and realize that we see the message being given rather then the expression . If it bugs you, perhaps try to let them know as RV said , depends on what kind of relationship you have .
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
hmm.
i guess i want the time. i usually am the listener and the one who comfort. so when it is my turn, i expect the same treatment given , not the guilt feeling.
i could tell the person(here it is my sister) but i know she will sulk in even more and be depressed.
People have their own way of apologizing. Your apology is accompanied with comforting, which you expect from her and then you're bummed when she doesn't. I think it's enough that someone has the ability to admit their mistakes and even say 'I'm sorry"....many people are unable to do even that. So, from now on just offer a simple, heartfelt apology and skip the comfort session. If you don't give it yourself, you're less likely to expect the same and to keep score. It is up to you to decide whether you want to discuss this with your sister when she's in a better mood. You can tell her that you'd like for both of you to just offer simple, sincere apologies and to move on from the offense easily...without crying and dwelling on it further. If you think this will make matters worse, don't say anything and just change your approach. When she sees a change in your response, she'll slowly change hers.
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
Yeah some people are really smart lol
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
Happens to me every time and eventually I end up saying sorry. :-/
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
Happens to me every time and eventually I end up saying sorry. :-/
exactly.
this time as well, he next morning , i had to say sorry and convince my sister i didnt mean to hurt her..by saying she hurt me ...
oh well. all the things love makes you do.
Re: dealing with loving and caring yet attention seekers?!
^ I second that. Every time i make promise to myself that i won’t even complain and IF i EVER complain on someone’s wrong behaviour i once again end up saying sorry and regret that why did i complain.
It hurts.