silence is the key to everything - im very outspoken but ive learnt with time that staying quiet usually works out best for you! I know how you might feel, lekin aise halaat mein change laana is really really tough - the only example you can set is for your kids.. forget about the SIL and whatever else your trying to do because trust me when it comes and bites u in the behind it hurts like hell and knowing that your husband isnt the kind to speak up, it might save you both the quarrels and the headaches!
[quote="automne77"]
my point is a gal is expected to change as she s supposed to move in with the in laws.... even if livin away frm them .. she s expected to blend in with them . unless ofcourse .... the guy is movin in with the gals family .. in that case the guy is supposed to blend in . thats how things work here.
automne... If you havent got the support of ur hubby and u want to make ur marriage work, the only thing i can suggest is dont say anything bad to him about his family. As Mystic said up there silence is the key to most probably over come the problem. Sooner or later hubby will realise that ur putting up with crap and will probably feel embarrassed about it. Patience is a virtue, u should continue as u are in your own house but they say when in rome do as the romans (or something like that). When ur at ur inlaws stay quiet, speak when spoken to, busy urself with children, forget about the adults if they are useless. All i can suggest is be patient for the sake of allah, if they force u beyond your tolerance to do something then take a stand. If they touch their feet and eat let them, they're eating from their own plates anyway, unless u dont trust the food thats cooked then thats just ew!
Everything I wanted to say to you is the summary of the above. I've been thru a similar situation.. not to that extent. I've learnt my lesson the hard way. Don't let all these issues get to ur head and ruin ur relationship with ur hubby. If u KNOW that ur hubby wont speak up for you (don't worry, most men wont in front of their moms/ elders) stop expecting that from him. Handle ur own issues urself. If u like being all clean and neat, just worry abt all that in ur own room. Decorate ur room.. outside of it, don't bother with anything. Also, goin to ur husband and complaining abt his family (be it his bhabi or whoever) will only make him see that YOU'RE the one who's constantly complaining. The others don't really care. So, please don't do that. It's no use...
Like cocoo said, we're the new additions in our husband's family. so it will take a long long time for them to stand for us. My bil always made my blood boil.. like he wud cut a tomato in half, and leave that face down on the rack in the fridge to spill all over... or warm the pizza slice in the oven on the grill so that the cheese melts all over the oven door/ at the bottom... spit (whatever he's chewing) directly into the kitchen garbage can not caring whether it fell inside or not... little things like that which grossed me out and bothered me INSANELY... and when I went to my hsuband.. he'd just say oh u watch his every move too much.... so my lesson learnt, just let them be. Stick to your own room.. clean up as much as u want in your own room, ur kids stuff.. ur husband's stuff.. DON'T take it up as ur duty to clean up ur inlaws mess like u would like to see it. Just do what's ur job, nothing more. Cuz at the end of the day, it wont matter to them. And instead of being vocal, be QUIET. Why do u need to give suggestions to everyone? Why can't u just hold a low profile and talk when spoken to??? Don't be such a mother teresa here.. stick to ur own business.
And try to pay them back in their own coins. If they make a certain mess a certain way, let it be. DON'T clean it up for them, or show them that ure being bothered. Pray to Allah to give u ur own independent household and for nothing to come in b/w ur husband and you. Instead of speaking up and complaining each time, let ur husband SEE for himself what you're putting up with!