Most people think its really weird… but I don’t like to think about my stepmother’s death… it helps me cope better with the loss… The only time I really cry about it is when someone talks about her, and when I go to her room… for that very reason I put all the pictures away of her in our home…
I’m not one to really express emotions… especially cry… in front of my family… I want to be strong for them… but I do sneak a good cry once and again…
How do you deal with such a big loss and move on??
My dad keeps telling me I have to face reality and confront my emotions, but isnt it really better however way I choose to grieve?
How did you guys … if anyone lost a significant person in your life… deal with it?
Sabriya, i lost my Nano a few months ago. She was the only grandparent i had spent some time with and lived with. So we were close. To this day, i dont talk about her as if she is gone. In my mind and heart, she is still around, somewhere. Even though i really love her, i rarely cried. I think for me, the reality hasnt hit yet because i wasnt there to see her go so unless i visit her place and not find her, then i will truly "let her go". But for now, she is with us.
But what i do, do is to do some dhikr and make dua for her and my other grandparents. Thats the best thing i can do that will benefit them. Maybe slowly, i will come to terms with it.
Not sure if the above made sense or not. But its hard putting all these jumbled thoughts on one screen.
Lots and lots of tears. Just not infront of people.
Read about Islam's perspective on death. That helped a lot.
Surrounding yourself with those that have been through it and occassionally talking about incidents around that person. Usually happy ones or funny ones to make you smile.
Being around friends, trying to stay upbeat.
Remembering them and also in my dua's.
Realizing that life is short and we all have to go through that. Hoping to one day be reunited with them in a good place. Insha'Allah.
I find it really hard to answer this thread because the topic is really raw for me at this point....I lost my Dad on Jan 17th and its just too unreal for me to fully accept even still. I'm keeping busier and not thinking about it much because I just feel like the floodgates will open and not stop. I think over time it will get easier to confront the awful reality that I wont see him in this life again but I just try not to think about that right now. Its very very hard to lose someone close to you and something that you will never get over. In time I think we all come to accept the loss but I'm not there yet. In time, Inshallah.
I think you have to deal with the loss in your own way. I think the circumstances of the loss are also a factor in how you deal with it. I personally find it difficult to cry, but that does not mean that you are not hurt when you lose someone.
When my father-in-law passed away in Jan of 2005, everything went blurry. It was hard imagining him not sitting at the table, eating dinner and telling us stories about his life. Being patient and praying for him has helped and continues to help us. Visiting his grave and reciting Surah Yaseen eases the pain. Giving sadaqah in his name helps too.
Iv firmly imbedded in myself the idea that your rizk(lifespan) is fixed and that you die when Allah wants you die...
A friend of mine got murdered...now what i could accept was the fact that he had died and he had died so young...what was so upsetting was the manner in which he died,,,he was virtually unrecognisable...if he died in his sleep it would have been upsetting but then i would have been 'its his time to go'...its just the murder that shook me up and the fact that he'd just been engaged and his mother had to identify him and my mum going even more hysterical than me...
I find i deal with the concept of death well...its their time to go and i only hope they were a good enough person before they died...
Believing that God gives and takes life as he chooses also makes you assess your own mortality...i dont say have a fear of doing something cos i might die...so nothing scares me as such...but the idea of dying early and as a sinner scares the **** out of me...
Every1 has their own way or grieving. There is no right or wrong way to grieve as far as im concerned. Some ppl cry a lot, sum ppl dont-it doesnt mean that the ppl who dont cry dont feel anything. Some ppl r more open with their emotions than others.
When my dad passed away on new yrs eve which always makes seeing the new yr in pretty hard. It was very hard cos we were really close and i was the youngest and only daughter. Howeva i kinda accepted that it was gods will and i cudnt question allahs will. I miss my dad but i remember the happier times now. I think time does help to a certain extent. Its been 2 yrs since my dad passed away and i dont think u can eva get over the death of a parent BUT u learn to cope and deal with it better.
Sabriya...I feel taht in my relatively short life, I have lost a few people who have meant the world (and more) to me..my nana and nani when I was younger (aged 8 and 16) and more recently two babies.
Each time, I have found it so hard to cope - however, even though my physical reaction each time has been very different, I have found GREAT healing in zikhr and remembrance of Allah and in setting my thoughts to the fact that Allah who is ALL KNOWING has done this for the best - and I have continually recited "Inna Lillah hi wa'innah ilayhi rajeoon" when I have been feeling down.
It's true though - no two people will ever react in the same way to the loss of a loved one........however, what else is true is that only Allah SWT will help you through it - in one way or another.
Most people think its really weird... but I don't like to think about my stepmother's death... it helps me cope better with the loss... The only time I really cry about it is when someone talks about her, and when I go to her room... for that very reason I put all the pictures away of her in our home...
I'm not one to really express emotions... especially cry... in front of my family... I want to be strong for them... but I do sneak a good cry once and again...
How do you deal with such a big loss and move on??
My dad keeps telling me I have to face reality and confront my emotions, but isnt it really better however way I choose to grieve?
** How did you guys ... if anyone lost a significant person in your life... deal with it?**
I cant do that ..I cant deal with death ...I often think abt them who died in family n cry but the good thing is abt crying is that it makes me feel better n i feel very clam n light after crying ..but for me it's hard to move on ..very hard ..cant seem to forget em ....when i am buys offcourse i dont think abt em but every time i am alone ...i start thinking n feeling sad ..so for me its impossible to forget em !