Dealing w/ DayCare

[Afro-Sheen]

The first few days were also very hard on me, I cried more than my daugther, but now I can say, she loves it there, never once she said, she wants to be at home, she gets up in the morning all happy Mashallah and when we ask her, what she wants to do, she tells us, "kindergarten jaana hai" ... :)

I agree. I also cried my eyes out like a little baby the 1st week or 2 of my son's daycare. But it gets better. He really likes it there and likes playing/learning etc. Hopefully you found a center that really suits your son.

[_MuNiYa]

@Niksik

Munz, there are so many daycares to choose from these days. I’m sure you’ll do your homework well and try to find the best one that fits your needs and budget.

Regarding the social stigma, heck, people will talk regardless. here, I’m a stay home mom since I had mine and I often hear people say, “what a waste of education and so many years of professional experience, she should contribute to her household income, oh she’s lazy, living off husband’s money” and all that good stuff. yeah even from my own family members sometimes . But you know, nobody knows better that mom and dad. If you can work, than you should by all means. Don’t feel guilty because whichever way, kids adjust and parents always work toward the best interest.

Regarding infections, when my daughter started going to preschool, she started bringing home the germie buddies and I did notice a significant increase in colds and flus. But over a period of time, her immunity got better and now she’s a regular kid with regular stuff. Just feed him well and make sure he gets enough sleep, he will build himself up. Now I’m getting read for my little one to start preschool in September. Let’s see

I thinkI’ve piggy backed off of other people all my life and lack the confidence that I can and will make the right decision for my baby.

Working on it.
There was this one school that I loved but it was like 1400.00 and I could have paid a stay home nanny 1200.00 AFRO this is the school you told me by St Peters Prep and there is a year waiting list.

@Afro-Sheen

I agree. I also cried my eyes out like a little baby the 1st week or 2 of my son’s daycare. But it gets better. He really likes it there and likes playing/learning etc. Hopefully you found a center that really suits your son.

Yeh I remember that.
I think you contributed to me not liking DayCare because of that.

[hareem01]

@Afro-Sheen

Due to 1 incident, you can't generalize for all centers. What about the crazy stay at home moms who choke/strangle their kids, or abuse them or what not...that you hear all over the news. Doesn't mean all mothers are bad...right. You have to find what suits an individual's needs.

This is not about daycare vs psycho parents or stay at home moms vs working moms. This is about "what is in the best interest of the children?".

This is very wrong of you to assume that psycho parents are the stay at home parents.

[Gr8Heera]

@hareem01

This is not about daycare vs psycho parents or stay at home moms vs working moms. This is about "what is in the best interest of the children?".

This is very wrong of you to assume that psycho parents are the stay at home parents.

Agree with you.

I understand you are trying to tell the truth. Something might happen. Whomever it happens unki to dunia ujar jaati hai.

Be careful. I myself won't like to send my kids to child care on someones rehmo karam instead of living with me. I'll sacrifice anyting education, money, job or whatever I give importance to.

[_MuNiYa]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

I’m not getting into that conversation… each parent knows best for thier child.

But I dont think that living on the streets w/ your child vs working to put a roof over his head is really a good idea.

AGAIN can we please stick to the point here…
we are not discussing the pros and cons of daycare, we are talking about coping and precautions. jeez!!

arent we judgy judgy judgy…

[Niksik]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

Gr8Heera while I'm a stay home myself, I have to disagree with you here that only stay home moms provide the ultimate best care. My mother is a physician and has worked all her life with the exception of a few years that she took off right after each of us were born. Between my mom and dad, they were always there for us when we needed them and they raised us well, provided for us well and spend more quality time with us than many moms who stayed home. So it's what you do with your time at the end of the day because I see many stay home moms who spend most of their time in front of B4U and ARY and on the phone rather than with their kids! Either way it could work out well or not.

[Gr8Heera]

@Niksik

Gr8Heera while I'm a stay home myself, I have to disagree with you here that only stay home moms provide the ultimate best care. My mother is a physician and has worked all her life with the exception of a few years that she took off right after each of us were born. Between my mom and dad, they were always there for us when we needed them and they raised us well, provided for us well and spend more quality time with us than many moms who stayed home. So it's what you do with your time at the end of the day because I see many stay home moms who spend most of their time in front of B4U and ARY and on the phone rather than with their kids! Either way it could work out well or not.

I agree with you all depends on mom and parenting skills.

No I'm not judging anyone Munia. I just said what I would like to do.

Everyone give importance to his/her pasand. Some give to kids and some to other things. Still agree with Niki a not stay a home might be better than some stay at home mom.

[sadzzz]

It's usually the girls who cry for their mothers in gatherings, boys don't care and want to do their own things......well atleast my sons don't cry for me and they never went to a daycare.

huge generalisation thank u

ive a daughter and she never cries for me... and my husbands neice is the same

[sadzzz]

Hareemhoney - you're really not helping. certain situations don't permit moms to stay home. that said please lets try and answer the question here not introduce another debate.

sadzz thanks that does help me. Anything you can think of that I should be doing for the little one when he goes to DayCare?

Mama0f3 thats what we were wondering too - there is a kid in the family whose always around his mother and home basically and he's just a terrible little brat whose afraid of everything. We didnt want that to happen to Ayman either. So we had a nanny situation where she had her own boys his age. Was working out perfectly until she started asking for a million days off. So then the next option was DayCare. Yesterday was his first day. :(

As for the extended family - I dont think anyone is willing to care for him. And I'm not going to force anyone... my baby deserves to be wanted.

I work really close to his school so I get to make atleast 3 visits a day and he seems fine. But whose to tell a mother's heart?

Muniya.. i totally understand. I work about 15min train ride from my daughters childcare and in the beginning it was SO hard.. i was calling at least 2-3 times a day and my hubz had to tell me to just back off and let the minders do their job.. but i felt like a bad mother who didnt care about her daughter... sometimes id go during my lunch break and have a look and she'd be walking around not crying but whinging.. and she would attach herself to one person for the day and not let them do anything..

this happened for about 3 weeks.. and now about 5 months later, everyone is like "this kid is nothing what she used to be".. shes Mashallah independant, talking non-stop.. the minders love her.. they adore her and thats what made me really happy. All the other parents know of her so it makes my job easier.

To make him feel safe, maybe provide a toy he is attached to. At 6 months he may be a little too young to be attached but you can try. Or maybe even his favorite blanky.. My daughter was a lil older when i put her and by that time she was completely attached to "goofy"

Also, try not to visit so often. If he sees you he'll get destressed. Cus the constant coming and going might upset him. Have a peek or something, but dont go infront of him

One day i went to childcare and the minders said some guy had come during lunch and my daughter was crying like mad when he left.. apparently my BIL had gone to see her.. so yeah we just told him to just becareful.

Now, I have to bribe her to come home with me. She rules that joint

[sadzzz]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

and yeah.. we pay a fortune for this daycare, but i wasnt happy with the others that i saw and this the first one that i just had a good feeling about. I really like the people and i think if ur on good terms with them.. they really do look after you and the kid.

my daughter was thought to be the "bholi" one (i think its her face though) and now she has become an intelligent lil brat... and i do think the daycare has helped

[hareem01]

@sadzzz

huge generalisation thank u

ive a daughter and she never cries for me... and my husbands neice is the same

there might be some exceptions.

[hareem01]

@_MuNiYa

But I dont think that living on the streets w/ your child vs working to put a roof over his head is really a good idea.

.

Putting a roof over his head on the price of separation.

[SaadiaB]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

A time limited seperation that is actually good for the mom and the kid and the relationship between them, u should try it out Hareem.

[hareem01]

@SaadiaB

A time limited seperation that is actually good for the mom and the kid and the relationship between them, u should try it out Hareem.

By putting them in a daycare? I don't think so. The eldest(age 4) does spend time without me when he's in the mosque, with his grandparents and in marshal arts or swimming classes, he'll be spending more time without me as he's getting older.

The youngest who's 11 months old and breast feeding cannot be left alone and even with the middle one he needs lots of attention and love from me at this stage so you see i'm not against time limited separation but I'm concerned with when and how it should be done.

[SaadiaB]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

OH Ok I didnt know you had such young kids, as I thought you were home schooling them, so they must all be in school age. Of course I am not saying put the youngest one in daycare especially as he is still breast feeded.

Mines is a little older than 3 and I bring her in daycare around 8 o'clock in the morning and pick her up at 2 pm sharp, as I work part tim (25h/weekly) so it works great for us, she has fun there and I get to do some work and the I pick her up and on the walking distance way back home, we visit my mom and then do some shopping sometimes and come home around 3-4 pm.

Now that I will be at home again for 2 years, I will still let her go to daycare around the same timings and in 2 years she will start school anyway, so its a good exercise to get up every morning and go to daycare and later school as she will have her routine and it will not be so hard on her.

[_MuNiYa]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

sadzz thanks a ton. Actually yesterday he went home really really happy. When I went to pick him up he was all smiles to see me. :)

The whole night he was very playful and went to bed on time and woke up smiling like his old self. vs when he was with the paki babysitter he'd not sleep on time and wake upi crying because he was tired yet had to wake up for milk.

I think this is a good routine we're getting into.

Thanks for the tip on not letting him see me when I come there.
I didnt realize that could be a problem.

[Afro-Sheen]

@hareem01

This is not about daycare vs psycho parents or stay at home moms vs working moms. This is about "what is in the best interest of the children?".

This is very wrong of you to assume that psycho parents are the stay at home parents.

The recent attack on a childcare center by a psycho was shocking and it tells how much do they care about the safety and security.
* *
Also very wrong of you to assume that an incident at 1 childcare center is telling of how much they care about a child's safety/security. I wasn't assuming, I was just telling you how silly it would be if I were to assume such a thing. Same goes for opposite. And i did mention in my post that the best thing is to see what's best for each individual, their situation may warrant different options.

[Afro-Sheen]

There was this one school that I loved but it was like 1400.00 and I could have paid a stay home nanny 1200.00 AFRO this is the school you told me by St Peters Prep and there is a year waiting list.

Wow that is really pricey! Yeah some are ridiculously expensive. There is one place in Journal Sq that provides hot meals and is $99 a week. Then there is also St. Ann’s Daycare on Sip & Romaine I think that I hear very good things about, but its out of my way.

Yeh I remember that.
I think you contributed to me not liking DayCare because of that.

[/quote]

Nehi tho, you know im a worry wart…hehe. But now I really like his new day care center. He has really adjusted well and loves it there. It’s hard to get him out at the end of the day. He also shows so much pride in the little artwork he does…he is so young and barely knows what he is doing, but it is so cuteeee.

[aahmed]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

MuniYa, here's a dad's perspective. We started our little one in day care at six weeks, YES, six weeks. I know some people think we're heartless parents. Unfortunately, the reality is that a lot of people either can't afford to not work or their careers are also important to them. Now some might say if careers are so important, why have kids... well, why not? Who says we can't have it all.

With that said, when we did our first round of daycare visits, I was really depressed and considered quitting my job to stay home, wife's in residency, can't really quit right now, we can swing it financially, so no big deal. I actually told my boss that I wanted to quit for a couple of years, but they were VERY flexible, I worked from home 2-3 days a week for the first 12 weeks. But one day we stumbled upon a home day care run by a certified lady, and we fell in LOVE with her. Her house is always pristine, she is educated, former executive at Kodak, clearly LOVES children. After that, there was no doubt.

Lila continues to go to this lady, her name is Maureen, and I KNOW that Maureen treats her like her own child because every morning, when I drop her off, she gives Maureen a BIG smile. We are VERY blessed with such a great day care. I would recommend that you talk to local HOME day cares in addition to daycare centers. There are pros and cons. With daycare centers, if one provider/teacher/care taker is out sick/dead/vacation, there are many others to fill in while with a home daycare, if the primary caregiver is sick/dead/vacationing, you're left with no choices.

We DO feel that the quality of care in a home daycare is superior, more attention, and it just feels less institutional, that was what made me really depressed about daycare centers, all the cribs lined up like a prison, I dunno, maybe we just visited crappy centers. At home daycares, it's sort of the best of both worlds, there are a handful of other kids so socialization development does take place, but it doesn't feel like they're in baby jail. That's just how WE feel.

We just said bismillah and sent her to Maureen, and if your job allows you the flexibility to take days off if/when your daycare person is unavailable, that is a very good option. The other con with a home daycare is that if the daycare person suddenly decides that they want to stop doing daycare, you're screwed, you have to take some time off of work while researching new options. Again, if your employer is flexible and you have a good working relationship with them, this is not an issue.

To date, Maureen has not cancelled on us even once. She took one week of vacation which she notified us of the day we signed up with her, 4 months in advance. I can't say enough good things about our home daycare and we found her on Craigs List, so consider that too.

I wish you the BEST with your search and feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions. Sorry for the long reply, but I feel very strongly about this topic.

[Niksik]

Re: Dealing w/ DayCare

aahmed, I second that home daycare deal. I have a friend who runs a licensed one from home. She was previously a Montessori teacher and has 3 older kids of her own that are just wonderful. Her home is well stocked and clean, and in this case, she provides halal meals to the kids as well! I've already talked to her in case I need her for my kids if I start working again.