for past sometime i’m confused how to deal it
may be its not something to fuss about but again i say i’m confused …so can’t decide
actually its about my 4 yrs old
he loves cars n trains n planes etc. etc.
i never discouraged him coz its normal for every child …infact for adults too , to have some particular likes/ dislikes
but for past few weeks or so i’m thinking he is being crazy (or may be its me)
everytime he accompanies us to some store/ market he demands a particular car /train etc. …so far it was fine but now his room is full of this stuff …n above all he hardly plays with all of them
once his demand is fulfilled …he will play with the new stuff on day 1…n then its forgotten
n today while we were chatting he asked me to buy a new racing car …n today for the first time i was really annoyed
i told him you have too many of 'em n there are sooo many kids in this world who r just like you but they just can’t get any one of these …n i could see on his face that “but”…!!!
but after sometime i was thinking …is tis an appropriate age to tell him stuff like this …or how should i handle it
hehe... reminds me of the time when me n my brother used to do that all the time.. my brother wud actually lie down infront of the store n start mooh paarh kar rona dhona..hehe
my parents however never let us get away with all the black mailing..sometimes they wud buy us those toys n sometimes they wud simply refuse to give in at the moment.. we wud get those toys eventually after couple of dayz.. lekin us waqt jo zid hotee thee i guess our parents were trying to teach us that we cant alwayz get what we want if we continue to behave like that.
What my parents used to do when i was that age was that one of them would stay outside the store with me while one gets the stuff we needed, or they take turns going in and out.
When it comes to buying toy cars, you shouldn't deprive him of his wish becasue he will always remember that experiece for the rest of his life. I remember those times when my parents refused to buy the toy cars i really really wanted...so these bad memories do stick around.
If you had no money it might be easier to say no and be done with it, but the truth is you have the money and remember what it means to want something. And of course you want to see the kid happy, so you say yes.
As a parent you love to say yes to a request and see your child happy. But right now you're realising that what your child asks for may not be really what he needs. He's not playing with these toys, yet he still asks for them. What could he be trying to say to you?
Saying no is part of a parents job, and setting limits to spending and the way property is used teaches responsible habits. So I'm not against saying no when a kid has a room full of stuff and is still asking.
But we go back to the original question: why? This is just a guess, but ... maybe he wants more time and attention. Focussed time, for him alone. Some more cuddling, playing games, reading stories. It's so easy for us to spend our time doing things that we think are important without understanding that for a child the priorities may be different. It's easy to find out; dedicatre a bit more time, both of you, to your child and you'll find out quickly.
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*Originally posted by Afia: *
for past sometime i'm confused how to deal it
may be its not something to fuss about but again i say i'm confused ....so can't decide
actually its about my 4 yrs old
he loves cars n trains n planes etc. etc.
i never discouraged him coz its normal for every child .......infact for adults too , to have some particular likes/ dislikes
but for past few weeks or so i'm thinking he is being crazy (or may be its me)
everytime he accompanies us to some store/ market he demands a particular car /train etc. .......so far it was fine but now his room is full of this stuff .......n above all he hardly plays with all of them
once his demand is fulfilled .......he will play with the new stuff on day 1....n then its forgotten
n today while we were chatting he asked me to buy a new racing car .......n today for the first time i was really annoyed
i told him you have too many of 'em n there are sooo many kids in this world who r just like you but they just can't get any one of these .......n i could see on his face that "but"......!!!!!!!!
but after sometime i was thinking ......is tis an appropriate age to tell him stuff like this ........or how should i handle it
i just don't understand .......!!!
any suggestions.....???
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suroor n sky.....:)
thankfully.....he doesn't try to blackmail ......at least until now he hasn't.........n he knows me well if i've said 'no' once i really mean it .......!!!
and no i don't want to deprive him of anything ....as a parent i want to give him everything he wants........n Alhamdulillah we have the means to do so .......but again as Shirin said ......there is a limit to everyting n actually what i want him to understand is that he can't always have everything he wants......!!!!
its not about being authoritarian or so ....but its about training
Shirin.......i think there is no limit to demands of kids specially when it comes to toys etc.
so its pretty normal for him to ask so.......n i do spend a lot of time with kids......i don't think its something abou attention seeking
however what i'm really interested to know is.........how should i explain it to him in best possible way........:)
Eliminate opportunities for asking. (Keep him away from shops)
Remind him of the toys he has.
Tell him that you need to use the money for other things.
He is small but might be able to understand the concept of a spending limit - give him or put in a box his money for the week. It should take him at least 3-4 wks to get to the point when he can buy something like a car.
Try agreeing beforehand that he can help you choose something for all of you, and that it can't be a toy. Help you put the things in the cart.
And when all else fails, just say no. Firmly. You have to be convinvìced, or you can't convince him. You have a right to say no. If you feel guilty about saying no you need to think why that is happening. If you say no, firmly and lovingly, accept that he may be disappointed and cry and that you're sorry but that's how it is, it will be solved a step at a time. Maybe not immediately, but everytime you say no and accept to yourself that he may not agree it reinforces your position. And once in a while, get him something, agreeing beforehand at home that he can choose ... either to spend his money or stick to a limit that you have agreed on.
oh dear i have the same problem with my son who is 6 now , sometimes i think that he is the only one who is like that but then amie and friends tells me that kids are like that :halo: i dont know relaly what to do , i just try my best to tell him that u have enuff of them , sometimes he did understands and sometimes dont …ahhh well isnt it so diffecult to be a mom and handle kids ?
mehroo......:)
yeah at times it is difficult but when i feel its being too difficult........it makes me realize how ammi handled all of us without even yelling every time ..... sigh
i'm missing her
:(
u know u shud engage him in some activities, and maybe encourage him more to play with other children, so his mind is distracted from toys a little bit
