I’m in a situation that is worrying me. As some of you might know, i got married a few months ago. Initially, it was all good for almost 2-3 weeks and then suddenly there has been a change in our relation. Its cold. We don’t share anything, we don’t talk much, we don’t enjoy each other’s company. We do have the physical relation but thats about it. There are no emotions to it. I like my husband a lot for his nature. Ive always heard praises of how he is with everyone and how caring he is and how lucky I am. I felt all that through out the initial time but suddenly something has happened. He is out for work, when he comes back we dont share what went around the day. Even if i badly want to i can’t because there is this distance between us. A communication gap that hinders everything else. When he is home, we are in two different rooms for the most part. Its not even close to how newly marrieds are. I am scared of how the days to come and the future will be if the starting is so tough. I hope it will get better and its a phase, but a very long phase for now.
I’ve tried talking to him but he doesnt let it out and says if anything related to you is bothering me, i usually tell you what it is which he does. He has pinpointed at my cooking, dressing and other things that bother him,quite a few times. I’ve tried to fix it all and am trying my best to make it even better but somewhere down the line its not what he wants but for all that should you punish some one by your behaviour? I am in a new country and have left everything for him and suddenly the silent distance we have is making me so depressive. Even if i try to act normal, even if i try talking to him, even if i try sharing something with him - if i try any of it, it doesnt matter because he remains the same. Aloof.
I am beginning to doubt everything altogether. I am not happy, many of my expectations have broken but i am not some one who complains all the time and brings to notice. I thought maybe ithis is what wrong i was doing, so sometimes i did tell him what i didnt like but that doesnt fix anything either.
What is annoying and disturbing me is that he isnt like this, this isnt who he is, he is a hapy cheerful person and is depressed for reasons he isnt telling yet says that he tells all the time. If there is something he should tell, if there isnt something he should be fine. Its been weeks and weeks and nothing is changing. Its become a dull depressing routine where i have no one to talk to, where i have nothing to do, where im getting lonelier, where some one’s attitude is killing me, where i am in a deadlock that is not getting fixed for a long time.
it will get better hon. he is adjusting and so are u. some men tend to act like this. give him his space, cos there isnt anything else you can do. u can worsen the situation by forcing him to talk. if separate rooms, try to get him at a good time and then tell him u feel hurt or scared or alone in separate rooms. just have a no doors locked policy. some men have issues giving up personal space
You are newly married and you both need time to adjust. I am sure there is nothing wrong with him or you. Remember when he comes home he is tired. Try to make plans to go out, even if its a short walk, for a cup of coffee or ice cream. Dress up for him. Have good healthy conversation, be it about future, family, anything. Married life is very different. He may be cheerful, happy person but he doesn't have to show that to you because you are his wife. He is probably more comfortable with you to do what he wants to do, not always trying to please you. Give him space he needs, give him time he needs to adjust to married life. You do what you think is right to make your relationship more fun and meaningful.
I think he's just adjusting to married life...maybe not adjusting in the most ideal manner. But he will come around...just give him time and space.
I'd also see if there is something you can do which can take your mind off of things...something you can get involved in that would prove to be a distraction. The more you think about it, the worse it seems to you. It could just be a phase he is going through, no more.
if every person is different then everyone will react in different ways - some will be more lovey dovey in the beginning others may feel safe and comfortable so they can just chill without thinking there is a problem - maybe u should spend more time with him and snuggle up to him when he comes back - make him tea etc - men LOVE being pampered and looked after - allow this to be your way in and to build a stronger relationship with him - after all it will lead to other aspects such as communication to be flowed
things like how men and women behave after marriage should be scary. This is just how they are manufactured. The same famous theory of men from mars and women from Venus thingy. There are things like love, care, trust and affection which create a bridge between the inhabitants of Mars and Venus and most of the time they live happily ever after :@:
