I was watching Desperate housewives - (okay make fun of me) but last week’s episode was interesting from a parenting perspective.
Gaby (Eva’s Longoria’s character) has a bit chubby 6 year old daughter. She secretly wore makeup to school because she wanted to look beautiful just like her mom. Gaby chooses not to wear makeup to the mayor’s ball to show her daughter that it doesn’t matter. At the end of the episode - her daughter asked “Mom when can wear makeup”. She said “You can wear it when you know that you actually don’t need it”
I step on the scale every morning - lo and behold this morning my 4 year after brushing her teeth steps on the scale. (that scares me)
Giving my daughters a postivie self image is VERY important to me. I want them to know what matters on the inside is much more imortant that what they look on the outside.
I don’t think our culture helps out with that aspect either. Every single women in full makeup on GEO, emphasis on “goriness” etc
So how do you parents feel about this? Ths issue is not “makeup” but helping them understand what they are on the inside is more important.
Yes a positive self image is extremely important in kids, especially girls as they face a lot of competition from a very young age.
My older daughter has always been on the skinny side, petite and smaller than most kids her age. Unfortunately, she gets told that a lot by other people. Just a few days ago, we were at a gathering and a friend of mine told her that her legs were skinny like sticks and how does she stand on them and that she should start eating. You should have seen her color change and she was about to burst out in tears. But over the years I have been telling her that Allah made her that way, that she's like how I used to be as a kid and it's OK. So she can now tolerate negative comments better than before.
Now, regarding other aspects, I think it's best to provide a strong positive reinforcement to the children. Don't compare them with other children, especially in the physical sense.
And above all, kids do watch parents so if my girls see me spending a lot of time in front of the mirror, they may be inclined towards doing that as well. I want my daughters to dress well and look good but it's another thing being vain. I guess we just have to figure out the healthy balance between feeling good about yourself and being obsessed with the way we look.
Just a few days ago, we were at a gathering and a friend of mine told her that her legs were skinny like sticks and how does she stand on them and that she should start eating. You should have seen her color change and she was about to burst out in tears.
OMG, was this her friend (a little girl) or your friend?? How did u react to that person?
Niksik, wow, an adult said that to your daughter? just wow.
My daughter is just over 2 months old and i am trying hard to rid myself of any body image issues i may have for her sake. For the longest time i had trouble accepting my weight and my color (i am darker than both my parents and bigger than the rest of the family). My daughter is more dark skinned than me and i kept hearing in jest how kali she is. I had to stop the dear family member from saying that even though i know they mean no harm because i dont want people getting used to saying that to her. Maybe i am hormonal, maybe i am being extra sensitive about it since she will not remember anyone calling her kaali at 2 months of age but i wanted to nip this in the bud before it gets too big to handle.
Yes a positive self image is extremely important in kids, especially girls as they face a lot of competition from a very young age.
My older daughter has always been on the skinny side, petite and smaller than most kids her age. Unfortunately, she gets told that a lot by other people. Just a few days ago, we were at a gathering and a friend of mine told her that her legs were skinny like sticks and how does she stand on them and that she should start eating. You should have seen her color change and she was about to burst out in tears. But over the years I have been telling her that Allah made her that way, that she's like how I used to be as a kid and it's OK. So she can now tolerate negative comments better than before.
Now, regarding other aspects, I think it's best to provide a strong positive reinforcement to the children. Don't compare them with other children, especially in the physical sense.
And above all, kids do watch parents so if my girls see me spending a lot of time in front of the mirror, they may be inclined towards doing that as well. I want my daughters to dress well and look good but it's another thing being vain. I guess we just have to figure out the healthy balance between feeling good about yourself and being obsessed with the way we look.
That was totally uncalled from your friend. I am sure she was joking but for a child that is hurtful.
I for one am changing my language around the girls. Instead of "oh I need to lose weight". I say "mommy exercises to be healthy. When you are healthy you can run longer, be stronger, etc"
Ira I know what you mean. The kali/gori thing really gets on my nerves. People in pakistan keep telling my daughter how “gori” she was and she asked mom “what’s gori?”
I for one am really glad that we have a African American first lady and I will glorify her in my house till the cows come home to make my point clear to everyone.
I also think we have to set good examples as parents and that also includes our spouses.
Growing up the one person who really installed a good positive image for me really wasn't my mom but it was my dad.
I was about 18. My sister and I were flipping through hollywood magazines in the livingroom and we were asking my dad - "dad guess who is this?" and "this?"
He was getting about 70% of them wrong - He knew Julia Roberts but really couldn't identify anyone of the models or the lead actresses.
We were like "dad - come on - how can you NOT know who she is?"
He went upstairs and got another magazine and said - "who is this" I didn't know it was a picture of SHIRIN EBADI the nobel peace price winner from Iran.
He said - "Beta she did more for this humanity than all the women combined in that magazine"
