this is extremely sad to see some people wanting their daughter to be and act, weak and not as a strong person.
some school age girls might go through this lack of trust from her parents, Mom as well. an instance is of a girl where she cannot be who she wants to be. she is asked to be simple, but wear more girlish clothes. she is expected to help out at home, more than her brother does. she cant be out with friends, even female friends. she can’t go for an internship, she cant join a gym. she cant take part in school play, and her prospect of going to a college out of state, is null. already, parents have begun looking for an older dude for her. she is brilliant in studies, but her parents are not able to accept her as a young independent person.
if a child is not stereotypically conforming, how can parents be made to understand that their treatment will further distance their daughter from them?
This is a big mistake a lot of parents make. I see clear differences and standards. For example, my aunt, she has a boy and a girl. All the girl’s phonecalls are screened and is only allowed to use a landline. The son gets a cell phone, can be out late and have parties at home. The girl can’t go shopping with her friends, only with mom. The girl isn’t allowed to join school associations and must return home like in a blink of an eye after school while the guy gets to stay back and participate in extracurriculars.
OK, I just don’t get it. I understand protection and all but isn’t that going a tad bit too far? The girl now gets all upset and has started questioning. She thinks her parents dislike her.
So I, me, yes me, decided to take the challenge to talk it out with uncle and aunty. They thought I was silly because all they were doing is being careful of this big bad world and that if something happens to the boy it’s OK because boys can handle things for themselves.
In my house I am the only daughter of four kids.... right now my brother is graduating high school and my parents want to send him out of the country even though he doesnt want to go.... me on the other hand going to graduate next year just want to leave the province to go to a better university and my parents r dead set against it.... i am very responsible and hardworking and would probably do well in any university ..but my parents wont agree.... i dont know how to convince them! thats my goal inshAllah for the next year...
Also I am afraid that if they allow me to go but they r not happy with it..something bad will happen to teach me a lesson (not from them but just like karma or kismat or whatever)
Well, I have another side of the story to share. I know a family with two sons and a daughter. The daughter being the youngest. Forget dressing like a guy, she speaks like one too! So for example, she'd say, main nahi mano gaa, instead of manu gi. If you call her a girl or tell her she's a girl, she throws the biggest tantrum ever - I mean lying in the middle of the mall and screaming and shouting, "Don't call me a girl! I am not a girl!"
What's more, her own mother gets really upset if you speak to her daughter about being a female! She thinks nothing is wrong with her daughter's behaviour.
So, the 'daughter' has allllll the same clothes as her older brothers, I mean the same style, same colour just a size smaller! She has the same hair cut, same shoes, etc.
^^ now thats pretty wierd too.....well i think to some extent being protective abt ur daugthers is right...as they might act properly but we dont know abt other ppl who may misuse them so at times my parents restrictions on me seem right to me ....giving extra freedom to girls makes problems for them in future ....i was made to do ghar k tasks too and i used to fight too tht why my brothers got so much freedom n why not me?but i was given the freedom to do anything i want go to my frnd's place...choose my field etc and i think my education...profession and everything else is quite better then many guys cuz i wanted to be better then them!!
Well, I have another side of the story to share. I know a family with two sons and a daughter. The daughter being the youngest. Forget dressing like a guy, she speaks like one too! So for example, she'd say, main nahi mano gaa, instead of manu gi. If you call her a girl or tell her she's a girl, she throws the biggest tantrum ever - I mean lying in the middle of the mall and screaming and shouting, "Don't call me a girl! I am not a girl!"
What's more, her own mother gets really upset if you speak to her daughter about being a female! She thinks nothing is wrong with her daughter's behaviour.
So, the 'daughter' has allllll the same clothes as her older brothers, I mean the same style, same colour just a size smaller! She has the same hair cut, same shoes, etc.
how old is the girl.only toddlers hav those kind of tanturams in public :)
this is extremely sad to see some people wanting their daughter to be and act, weak and not as a strong person.
some school age girls might go through this lack of trust from her parents, Mom as well. an instance is of a girl where she cannot be who she wants to be. she is asked to be simple, but wear more girlish clothes. she is expected to help out at home, more than her brother does. she cant be out with friends, even female friends. she can't go for an internship, she cant join a gym. she cant take part in school play, and her prospect of going to a college out of state, is null. already, parents have begun looking for an older dude for her. she is brilliant in studies, but her parents are not able to accept her as a young independent person.
if a child is not stereotypically conforming, how can parents be made to understand that their treatment will further distance their daughter from them?
i have went through all of that. except my brothers went through most of it as well. i mean they werent allowed to be out either. the difference was i have heard the line she has a bad temper for a girl. it used to enrage me further when i was already in 'temper'. Anyhow i think setting out boundaries is fine but they have to be met by islamic standarads rather than social or traditional ones. In my case the resentment wasnt as great because being an only girl in a house full of guys i didnt feel i was being targetted. my brother werent allowed to do most of the stuff i wasnt either. My father although had profoundly double standarads. It aggravated me then and it does now. But talking to him is like banging your head against the wall. Not much you can do. If i had a mum like that i probly would've ended up as a runaway.
So my take on the issue is consult Sunnah with good reliable sources before passing a decree.Donot conform to a trend for the sake of it. I think in social context males can do much more for this issue by letting, admiring or respecting their wives for being a strong independent woman.
it would have been different if you were single