I need help !! But not sure where to turn to get help.
This is a very delicate issue for me . This is regarding my daughter who has become very difficult for me to manage. I just found out that she is still in touch with her old boyfriend and continues to see him.
I definitely have an issue with the boy as he drinks and is a womanizer.
The first time when I found out about her and her boyfriend , I was devastated. She at that time was in a high school and I thought she was young, immature and hang out with the wrong crowd, that’s why was behaving this way. I took her for counseling also and even took sessions myself. I thought things improved but I was wrong… she is still seeing her old boyfriend and some other boys as well. It’s definitely not a healthy friendship. She knows very well , that I won’t approve it but that doesn’t stop her from doing it and instead she continue to lie to the rest of the family. Her grades are also not good and it’s affecting her studies.
I am really worried about her. I want the best for her. Don’t want her to get in any trouble. I just don’t know how to deal with her , with this situation and with my own anger and frustrations. I have tried counseling before and it didn’t help either … I am willing to give it another try and have already made an app. I am so broken, I feel like a failure as a mother.
Re: Daughter is acting up
where u at?
Re: Daughter is acting up
Have you thought about the reason she is in need of a boyfriend and other boys? Maybey (most likely) there is an emotional void in her life and her emotional needs and a sense of belonging is not being fulfilled at home. Kids think differently than their parents…the best way to handle this is to get ask one or more of her trustworthy cousins to befriend her and talk her out of such relationships with boys…she is not likely to trust you but will listen to a cousin who is friends with her…
Re: Daughter is acting up
Thank u for your reply and input. I agree with u that there has to be a void or some kind of insecurities which is causing her to act this way. That’s why I took her for counseling so that we can get to the root of the problem. But obviously it didn’t help. As far as getting help from a cousin is concerned.. First of all , there is no one her age and secondly even if there was one I don’t think I would have involved her in this very private matter. I don’t want to create a drama. I just want to resolve the issue and help my daughter. I know by involving my family or cousins , it will only add to the problem and create a drama.
Re: Daughter is acting up
@NomiCA… We live in Islamabad
Re: Daughter is acting up
Geoaurgenaydo really sorry to hear what you are going through. You made the right decison in not involving any cousins or family. They would have just made the situation worse especially in Pakistan where having a boyfriend is considered tabboo in certain circles. Here are a few suggestions I had:
- Sit down with your daughter and have a heart to heart. Tell her you know about the boyfriend. Ask her where does she see her relationship with her boyfriend heading. Does she foresee herself getting married to this guy? If so is she okay with someone who gets drunk and is a womaniser? Is she ready for the heartache? Does she foresee any kids in her future does she want them to be like her? Ask her these questions and get her thinking about what she wants from her life and the type of person she wants to spend the rest of her life with?
- From what you wrote seems like she is in university?Does she have a lot of time on her hands. If so give her responsibilities that she needs to get done helping with dinner, getting groceries, taking her siblings to school, taking out the garbage etc. Make sure she doesn’t have too much time on her hands. Get her to volunteer somewhere or get a job or an internship or start a blog.
- How is her relationship with her father? Does she love and respect him? I know you have been to counseling but if your husband isn’t a good father then he needs counseling on how to be a better father.
- If she continues to be with this guy. Set some boundries tell her you don’t approve of the relationship but if she wants to keep seeing this guy she needs to tell you when and where she is seeing him so you know that she is in a safe place. If she wants to have a boyfriend she needs to be able to handle her other responsibilities. She can’t be skipping on her education and having a boyfriend.
Your being angry is never going to help the situation. You can guide her and pray for her but at the end of the day you are responsible for your deeds and your daughter for hers.
Re: Daughter is acting up
Hey do not take it so hard on yourself, you are not a failure of a mother, you have been doing best to protect your daughter and safeguard her interests and future. I get the hint your own mental health is getting deteriorated rapildy with all this fiasco. You must look after yourself to be able to look after your family.
As far as your daughter goes, try to be her friend and take her into confidence, at this age, especially teenagers her age can be quite difficult to handle and often rebellious, you do not want to alienate her too much. If she wants to see a boy, probably there is very little you could do other than telling her your opinion and how this is affecting/will affect her studies, reputation and future prospects. Any type of physical restrain will further damage your already complicated mother-daughter relationship.
Hope things between you and your daughter improve soon.
Re: Daughter is acting up
How old is she and is the only problem with this guy is being womanizer and drinking or something else as well? Is it possible that your daughter is also involved with other guys and drinking? If so, she is not going to listen to the reasoning you gave of disliking the guy. What is the void that she is trying to fill?