everywhere i look … i see women … mothers talking. talking about their problems, solutions, success and failures, kids, work and home, relationships or lack there off …
they are talking online and offline, in books and magazines, on TV and movies, in music and dance …
and im left wondering
where are the men/dads?
women have certainly come a long way in becoming vocal about themselves/their lives but men have not. I understand that men naturally arnt fond of talking/sharing/discussing feelings ..etc … thats fine. BUT … what about men/dads who are facing difficulties with children or their spouse or work?
so ask again … dear Gupshup dads … plz tell us … what/where is your outlet? what are your parenting frustrations? who do you turn to for comfort or advise? do you like your role? what would you change about it? whats it like being Atlas for your family?
Perhaps a different thread elsewhere on this forum can be addressed to men in general ... here ... as OYMWA says ... im looking/hoping to hear from fathers.
Perhaps a different thread elsewhere on this forum can be addressed to men in general ... here ... as OYMWA says ... im looking/hoping to hear from fathers.
oh ok...i'll be back in a year's time...iA :)
I have zero parenting frustrations. My goal in life is pretty simple when it comes to parenting.
Spoil both of my princesses to the best of my ability, and
beat the heck out anyone who ever hurt them emotionally or physically.
Now when you have goals that simple, how can you be frustrated? Problem with moms is that they make parenting way too complicated. I mean who cares if your baby is not potty trained till age 4, or still using bottle till age 5. Give it a rest and enjoy their childhood, cause one day they will be 16 and it will be all over :(
I have zero parenting frustrations. My goal in life is pretty simple when it comes to parenting.
Spoil both of my princesses to the best of my ability, and
beat the heck out anyone who ever hurt them emotionally or physically.
Now when you have goals that simple, how can you be frustrated? Problem with moms is that they make parenting way too complicated. I mean who cares if your baby is not potty trained till age 4, or still using bottle till age 5. Give it a rest and enjoy their childhood, cause one day they will be 16 and it will be all over :(
So true...moms do make it complicated but I think its because society expects SO much from women in terms of parenting.
Bacha koi bhi ghalti karay...sara ilzaam maa pe :(
The other day a female coworker of mine told me she was devastated because her son got a C grade in math. I asked her what grade is he in? She said 3rd grade and I started laughing.
Moral of the story women worry about trivial things men don't. Hell they do not worry about big things either.
The other day a female coworker of me told me she was devastated because her son got a C grade in math. I asked her what grade is he in? She said 3rd grade and I started laughing.
Moral of the story women worry about trivial things men don't. Hell they do not worry about big things either.
He should be in med school by now. What is he doing getting Cs in 3rd grade?
@TLK , @Mirch, @NaMaan : I get the spirit of your post. moms think with their heart and that sometimes leads to over-complication of simple issues. I have loads to say on the topic as a mother but im going to refrain. This thread is for the dads … im glad parenting comes so easy to you … but if it didnt or perhaps when kids get to that difficult age where they just dont agree/like/listen to what daddy has to say … how would you deal with it?
how do other men of your acquaintance deal with problems? … im talking about problems beyond trivial issue like potty training or too may toys/clothes … im talking about kids dealing with their sexuality, school truancy, drugs, poor academic performance, kids denouncing their heritage or religion etc…
none of you may have experienced any of the above personally but they certainly do exist … even in the desi community. what’s happening to the desi dads facing difficult issues?
(Many/Most of the ) Women normally have “difficulties” because they want things by their kids as spotless as they want it from their hubby. Dads on the other hand realize that kids will be kids and go to their level to raise them. For example
If a 3 yo complains that she is feeling tired during shopping, mom will try to first briber her by offering some incentive to walk and finally perhaps a spank on the but or “chutki”. What will dad do? pick her up and put her on his shoulder without caring a jack about what people will think about it
A more personal example. Begum gave up on teaching our little one and handed her over to me with the statement
Because begum is used to teaching kids in one sitting. My son did it without any issue but not all kids are same. How baba and princess study now? we have a handball or junk food break of 5 min after every 15/20 min of work (or a task). Initially begum was a bit “mashkook”
Result? she is doing even better in class.
Moral of the story? DADs normally do not run into “difficulties” when raising kids because they do not want to be perfectionist with them. No I am not putting down mom but this is how they are by nature.
oh and whenever I need some help, I actually take it from begum, ammi and internet. I take the advise and implement it in my own way. On bit more serious matters (other than everyday issues), Internet has really been helpful. Issues like talking about current political situation in the world against muslims (and discussion in school), their question about religion, their age related question etc I normally do research on net before talking to them.
If I have to tell you one thing that is key that would be TALK. You need to constantly talk to your kids. Know what they are thinking so you can tackle the issue before it get serious. Its our routine MashAllah to have dinner talk everyday. What happend in their school, who said what, who told what, whats going to happen tomorrow etc. We discuss it all together almost everyday at dinner table.
Maybe coz she is the one dealing with diaper changes?
Thank you for acknowledging the struggles and frustration that many many many moms face.
My own husband wont help with diaper changes/potty training until he absolutely has to (namely when im at work or physical unable to due to pain post-surgery/illness etc..). since there are lots of parents on here .... im sure we all know .... numerous pre-K and pretty much all k schools DO NOT accept kids that arnt potty trained.
bottles past a certain age contribute to tooth decay and can even hinder speech development.
So yeah ... perhaps these seem like trivial issue to some dads but perhaps thats because unlike the moms ... dads havnt taken the time to educate themselves on these issues?
I am not going to play a hero, nor would I play a martyr when it comes to parenting. If any of the above mentioned issues hit us on the face, my wife and I will try to solve them together, and use each other’s strengths. We will seek counseling of others (parents, religious scholars, child consular etc.) and figure out the resolution. For instance, when my girls are going to hit puberty, my wife would be the better person to handle that than me. I am not going to be hero and try to help my daughters through it. I will let their mom be their support system. Sometimes knowing when not to act requires more wisdom than it would to plan an action.
Regarding moms being worried about potty training because they have to change the diapers, shows the lack of interest of dads. Why is changing diapers only mom’s problem?
Most dads that I know of are pretty hands on with their kids, all of them might not be changing diapers etc but there’s more to parenting than just that. I agree though that most of them are not vocal about their frustrations or the problems they might be facing but is that really any surprise? Isn’t that just typical male behaviour - Face the problem, fix it and move on. While we women tend to ponder, then discuss it with our friends, sisters, mothers and husbands, then we need a different point of view of this or that. Not saying that there is anything wrong with it and infact I’m the same. I like to twist and turn every problem before handling it while my husband just fixes the problem there and then for instance he was the one who potty trained our son while I was away for a semester. I don’t even remember him mention it, let alone complain about it. I know for sure had it been me, I would have complained and discussed it 3 times a day with him/my mom/my SILs ..
break of 5 min after every 15/20 min of work (or a task). Initially begum was a bit “mashkook”
..