We school friends arrange get together once or twice a year. We are a total 5 or 6 class fellows who are still in contact thanks to cell phones and internet. These are people I wasn’t friends with when I was in school and we had only good salam dua. When we met after 3 or 4 years of school, we become good friends.
One of them is a guy who was and is really chipko type but still I had good friendship with him. Almost a year back, I had a fight with him. Actually, that was not a fight literally but we had differences of opinion and since then, I stopped talking to him. I rarely reply to his text msgs and all. Few months back, we talked again and he said something that showed his true mentality and from that day I stopped talking to him completely. He apologized to me and I have forgiven him but still i don’t want to talk to him let alone meet him. We had strong difference of opinions and I knew what true opinions does he have regarding women. Initially, when we had arguments, he started complaining about me with our common friend (he didn’t tell her what happened between us but complained that "main boht change ho gai hoon mery tu mind hi nahin milta boht attutude hai mujh main etc). As I already had told her everything, she handled the situation very well.
Now the problem is that I don’t want to meet him even in gatherings. Now we are planning to arrange get together in Ramadan, I don’t know what to do. Another friend knows that I don’t want to meet him so he is ok if we don’t invite him. But I am feeling bad if I cut him off from other class mates just because I don’t like him. What should I do.. should I back out from the plan in last moment and let them invite him or cut him off from other friends and attend that get together. Remember I am the one whos gonna arrange this get together. If I back off from the plan then other girls will be out as well (we girls are inter connected :p). But seriously I don’t want to meet with someone with diplomacy k dil main kuch hai and face per smile hai.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
Islam mein taaluq torna gunaah hai - plus doing the "I dont want to talk to you", doesnt make difference between his attitude and yours if you start behaving the same way. Always try and maintain a cordial, civil relationship with people, even if you don't like them. You'll come across soo many people in life that you wont get along with, doesnt necessarily mean others wont get along with them either. I would say salam if I saw them and then just try and be respectful - if something negative comes up during the meet-up just avoid and change the subject.
Also, Im not sure but maybe talking to them before the event is held would be a good idea. Maybe you'll be able to sort things out?
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
Par Islam mein opposite gender se dosti karna aur milna julna bhi tau gunaah hai?
OT: If you dont like his behavior and attitude but still want to attend the get together then just ignore him there. Or just dont attend it and meet you other friends somewhere later.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
On one side you feel bad if you don't invite him b/c you don't want him to feel cut off from his friends - and on other side you don't want to see him.
Looks like you still care for him. Just forgive him - its Ramadan and we all beg Allah Ta'lah swt for his forgiveness yet are unable to forgive eachother.
Invite him as you're the bigger person and when you meet him keep your conversation short and simple.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
We all have differences of opinions with our friends. But we learn and agree to disagree with them and try to accept our differences and still have our friendships go on. If you have some disagreements with any of your friends, try to identify the topics on which you have the differences and avoid discussing those topics with them. Other than that, you can continue to meet them, although you can try to limit your interactions with them.
When we have difficult times with any of our friends, we can see them at our mutual friends' places. This doesn't mean that we should avoid seeing mutual friends because the 'difficult' friend would be there. You just need to avoid him and behave normally in front of everyone. Avoiding mutual friends or not inviting this difficult friend to the get together won't be good idea since only you have problem with this person and your shouldn't stop others from meeting this person.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
Islam mein taaluq torna gunaah hai -
ONLY with your BLOOD relatives...friends are NOT included but Islam encourages to have good relations with everyone...having said that, any relationship between man and a woman will be subject to islamic reservations, they can NOT be crossed [exapmple: Islam does NOT allow a male and a female friend to meet alone...certain exceptions may apply...like if they are working together...in that case, there conversation must NOT include anything that may lead to things undesirable.]
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
We have a friend in our group.......who doesn't want to meet another guy (whom we invite only some times)..........so this 'sometimes friend' once invited all of us to a dinner...........and the other guy didn't show up.............
believe me......we were all pissed at him......the immature attitude and childishness........as adults you are supposed to handle the 'presence' of an unwanted person at least........
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
Thanks everyone for your opinions and suggestions. Problem is that after first fight i met him in gathering. After gathering, our common friend tried to patch thing up between us. he was angry because i had deleted him from my facebook list after our first fight (he had strip dancer type girls in his fb list and other wahayat groups thats why i deleted him). So i apologized and said ok i would add you again and he said rudely "haan dekhein gaye k main add kerta hoon ya nahin", everyone noticed this and said that now his behavior is not right here. After that i added him but he didn't approve my request.
He has his own rules of friendship and wants to be followed by everyone. I didn't cut all contact because of difference of opinions but because he treated me like some third rate girl seriously (at least i feel like that).
And no i don't care about him but i don't want to cut him off from other friends and make a big issue.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
There is another reason why i don't want to meet him. Whenever we meet he starts taking pics and once uploaded them on his fb profile. I don't want my pics in some male friends profile (that too in one's profile who has bad friend list :p), When we try to stop him, he doesn't. its just a fun activity for him and its really irritating for us (girls).
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
^umm......you can tell him not to??? and since your other girlfriends also object to it..i don't undestand how you are unable to stop him...if you really mind it..
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
NomiCA.. actually that's the problem. We can't or we couldn't. Even he didn't let us touch his cell phone. Actually we two girls have problem with this.. third one is ok in fact she is a good friend of him. So she has no issues. I think this time.. if i go there i should be strict about it.. and take other male friend in confidence so that he could handle him.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
he sounds like rude and obnoxious - just tell him bluntly you and your friend dont want your pictures taken by him and posted on the net and if he does you will inform you bhai or pa or green giant uncle and sort him out. also you and your friend can say "look we are telling you this so we can all still hang out together, otherwise we two will not join you all".
That way your not excluding him your excluding yourselves which is the correct and decent way. its up to the others to then think "yes these two girls are correct" and convince him to stop the pics and obnoxious behaviour. good luck.
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
he likes strippers and u dont difficult situation. did u knw he likes strippers b4 u guys became friends? and y u guys didnt back off when u first found out about this issue? too many questions..................................
and what is a third class girl? and who r first class and second class also, plz assplain im confused
Re: Cutting one friend from others due to personal reasons
Saby is right he is dheet. He knows very well that i don’t want to talk to him… he knows everything very well but still he sends me msgs constantly.
No i didn’t know. As i told you we were in school and at that time there was no fb and orkut so we didn’t know anyone’s nature. When we become friends and added each other on fb i didn’t notice his friends list. When first time me and my friend saw his comments on strip dancer pic on our news feed we thought about to delete him. but you can say out of courtesy we didn’t delete him but put him in our limited profile. But when he proposed me for his girl friend i deleted him from my profile.
He thinks i am type of girl who could be his girl friend (in literal meaning).. he asked me “will you be my girl frand, so that we can share everything with each other, humary darmiyan koi pardah na ho”.
He thinks that he has all the rights to see strip dancers type girls because he is a man and woman should do pardah if they are really innocent. He said in the way “tmhy kia pata k aurat kia cheez hai” literally it made me mad. It showed his mentality.
I have almost ended my friendship with him but the problem is get together.
