My nana and his sister never talk, their whole families go to great lengths to avoid being in the same place with each other, even not going to weddings when someone invites them if the other is coming. In fact, the rest of the family has had to break off ties too and take sides. All of this because my nana’s two sons divorced my nana’s sister’s two daughters.
I was thinking, I could never do that with my sister, like totally cut off ties and refuse to talk to her. It seems so extreme, like I’ve grown up with her and she’s my sister and even though we’re not super close, it would be too lonely and weird to cut off ties like that. But maybe it’s different when you have your own family? Maybe you find it easier to cut off ties because you don’t have to rely on siblings so much?
And I’ve heard some fathers say to their daughters, if you get pregnant, I’m gonna break off all ties and “tum meray liye marr chuko gee”. I don’t know anyone who has gotten pregnant so I don’t know if the father has really carried his threat out but doesn’t it seem so extreme??? Everybody makes mistakes and people do change so you shouldn’t take such permanent measures like that. And for my nana and nana’s sister example, why did my nana’s sister hold my nana responsible for what his grown kids did and soured a whole three (yeah three!) generations relationships?
Hi Sarah im sorry to hear this about ur family.
Thats why im thinking its better to not marry to someone
in you're family but anywayz i also could not do that to
my sis. Coz it is the childerens decision that they want divorce
from each other. And sometimes older pplz can't exept this
desicion.
Thatis nice to know ( that you'd never extend that to ur own family)
However the world is riddled with situations and choices that we never have to make, as confusing as that may be, it is what makes us so bloody unique, never say never, and in consequence rememebr that you are a greater person than I give you credit for if you can hypotheisise about many different mindsets of many different poeple who have quite possibly lived a far diferent life with different values and priorities to yourself.
aik nahi do do. n u still think she is wrong .wow!
who is she supposed to feel for, her own daughters, or some stupid brother and his khandan.
parent-side family relations after marriage function on a khandan basis.
not like is kay guldan ya chaprasi nay maira kiya bigara hay. the brother doesn't matter, any khandan which inflicts a loss like that, u dont wana see their faces again. bhaee shaee waisay hi kuch nahi hotay, after marriage for any regualr pakistani female.
yeah i no what u mean ma grandma and her bro who is ma nana havent talked for ages cause of stupid arguments about who gonna marry who!! cause of dis i havent even seen ma cuzins for 10 years!! old genarations are suppoused to be more wise but it seems dey aint. me in other hand am more wise den dat i wouldnt really care if ma sis n me had a argument we would still be close!!
its always bout the risthtaa i mean cause of little arguments two years ago ma cuzin had died n i never seen him for 7 years n wen i saw his dead face dat got to me y do ppl act so stupid and become stubbon dat dey stop takin to their family!! i was soo pissed of den im still am cause of ma aunties and elders i never saw ma cuz wen he was alive. dis makes u think bout life u can be dead any time never be naraz wid ur close fam or mates.
This has happened in my own family a few times..My nana engaged his daughter (my khala) to his brothers son, then broke it off..and my nana's bro was pissed off..and this was 35 years ago, and to this day they still dont have much of a relationship...I think people over there have so much pride and stubborness, they dont let by gones be by gones..they dont see the big picture that life is too short and they wasted so much time fighting..
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*Originally posted by ghuLail: *
aik nahi do do. n u still think she is wrong .wow!
who is she supposed to feel for, her own daughters, or some stupid brother and his khandan.
parent-side family relations after marriage function on a khandan basis.
not like is kay guldan ya chaprasi nay maira kiya bigara hay. the brother doesn't matter, any khandan which inflicts a loss like that, u dont wana see their faces again. bhaee shaee waisay hi kuch nahi hotay, after marriage for any regualr pakistani female.
[/QUOTE]
Holding a grudge against the two brothers who divorced her daughters is fine, but holding it against their kids (both married again and have kids) and refusing to see or talk to her brothers for nearly a decade when her brother isnt even responsible is pure immaturity and idiocracy. Besides, don't assume that the two guys were callouss asses to divorce the two girls, there were factors in their relationships that you aren't aware of that justified the divorces.
" Then, is it to be expected of you, if ye were put in authority, that ye will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom God has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight."(47:22,23)
n this is the hadith my dad always talks about (I dont get along with his side):
Bukhari reported of Abdillah bin Amr bin al-`Aas. RAA, companion of Allah's Apostles, PBUH who said: "A person who is good to his relatives is not a person who rewards them, or repays them equally for what they do to him. A good person is the one who does good to his relatives even if they do not do that to him, visits them even if they do not visit him, give them even if they do not give him, and so forth."
A man asked Allah's Apostle, PBUH: " O Prophet of Allah! I have some relatives whom I visit, be kind to and give whatever I can, but they do the opposite to me. I try to be extremely patient with them regardless of the harms, inconsiderateness and troubles they cause to me. What should I do in such a case? Allah's Apostle, PBUH said: " If you are truly what you describe, then you are as if you let them eat ashes (as a result of their own doing), so long you continue to do good to them. Yet, Allah, the Almighty, continues to support you, aid you and help you over them as long as you continue being good to them."
I think its clear that we shouldnt break any ties but us being us hardly ever follow