recently I have been doing a lot of interfaith dialogue and people ask questions which i need to be fully prepared to answer. One question that I do not know the answer to and may be asked by a non-believer is about child custody issues.
why is it that according to the Shariah a Muslimah has to give up rights of her child(ren) to the father (in the event of a divorce) once the child reaches a certain age?
if someone can answer this in a way that would make a non-believer understand…I would really appreciate it.
Not sure. Always wondered the same thing. I guess its more of an equitable approach. That way, the child gets quality time with each of his/her parents.
Not sure how female children are handled at time of puberty - you just hand over a pubescent girl to her father...? And if he's alone, he's supposed to deal with menstrual issues, and any other female problems?
Islam gives much importance to the law of the land. In this case laws of that country / jurisdiction come first before shariah ruling.
As for raising a daughter, a father is just as capable of raising a daughter as the mother- including dealing with her menstrual cycles etc. He's a father, not a stranger.
why is it that according to the Shariah a Muslimah has to give up rights of her child(ren) to the father (in the event of a divorce) once the child reaches a certain age?
From where you have drawn this conclusion ??
There is marked difference between right and **resonsibility. **You need to understand this difference very clearly.
Taking care of a child after divorce is not a right. It is a responsibility !
A big responsibility and Islam puts it on the shoulder of man.
I have discussed about this difference in this thread earlier.
I also agree with code_red. And giving the custody of a male child to his father after the age of seven or nine does make completely sense as it is very important for the male children to have their father around at this age of disciplining, research shows that 70% of male criminals in American prisones are raised by a single mother and without a father.
excuse me, lets not throw around statistics just like that.
Kids who grow to be violent and were raised in a single family home by mom are not becoming violent because mom can't control them, and for some weird reason men have that ability to discipline. I've seen lots of moms who are very strict disciplinarians and it would make sense from a Pakistani traditionalist perspective which people like Hareem endorse, since women are "meant to stay at home". I mean, if you can't discipline your child, and you can't work to provide for your family, then you're a pretty useless bag of flesh as far as I'm concerned.
Children raised in single family homes are exposed to other factors in the west: like ghetto neighborhoods with poor law control, less governmental influence and financial support, poorly paid teachers and poorly constructed and financed school programs, street gangs, negative pop culture and fashion, and negative peer and adult influences in the community.
Take a child and have mom raise it in an affluent neighborhood and mom is healthy and sound and the neighborhood and schools and people are healthy and sound, and you wont get a violent kid, more than likely.
Take a child and have mom raise it in an affluent neighborhood and mom is healthy and sound and the neighborhood and schools and people are healthy and sound, and you wont get a violent kid, more than likely.hahaha
See, hareem, unlike you, I've seen enough of the world to know that's very true. At least in the United States. What happens in your boondocks Britain might be very different, but what are you going to get with centuries of inbreeding (desis included)?
In a Hadith recorded by Imam Abu Dawud in his Sunan, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said to a woman who complained that her husband was intending to take her child away from her: "You are more rightful of the child as long as you don’t marry" (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2276 & Mustadrak al-Hakim, 2/207).
This is the only hadees which I see quoted in most of the articles on the subject of child custody. This hadees gives unqualified custody to women as long as she does not get married.
What happens if she re-marries is open for ijtehad as the whole concept of child custody is open for ijtehad. I would agree to this position that courts should decide who gets the custody and in case both of the parents are equally qualified then a joint custody should be granted.
There are flaws in all the other positions like granting the custody to mother till the boy is 7, 8, 9 etc and till the girl reaches puberty,
The boy and girl both need both parents for all their lives so it is illogical to keep one out of the picture till certain age and keep other parent agonizing , then grant custody to the other parent and make the mother agonize for the rest of her life.
There is a flaw in the thinking that once the ulema have reached at a consensus (Ijma) on an issue the door for ijtehad on that issue has closed forever. The issues which were decided long time ago based on ijtehad and ijma will always be open for discussion as the human knowledge and understanding increases and life becomes more complicated. If Quran and hadees wanted to close the door of ijtehad it would have not been difficult for Allah and His Holy Prophet (SAW).
See, hareem, unlike you, I've seen enough of the world to know that's very true. At least in the United States. What happens in your boondocks Britain might be very different, but what are you going to get with centuries of inbreeding (desis included)?
excuse me, lets not throw around statistics just like that.
Kids who grow to be violent and were raised in a single family home by mom are not becoming violent because mom can't control them, and for some weird reason men have that ability to discipline. I've seen lots of moms who are very strict disciplinarians and it would make sense from a Pakistani traditionalist perspective which people like Hareem endorse, since women are "meant to stay at home". I mean, if you can't discipline your child, and you can't work to provide for your family, then you're a pretty useless bag of flesh as far as I'm concerned.
Children raised in single family homes are exposed to other factors in the west: like ghetto neighborhoods with poor law control, less governmental influence and financial support, poorly paid teachers and poorly constructed and financed school programs, street gangs, negative pop culture and fashion, and negative peer and adult influences in the community.
Take a child and have mom raise it in an affluent neighborhood and mom is healthy and sound and the neighborhood and schools and people are healthy and sound, and you wont get a violent kid, more than likely.
Its not task oriented approach. We are talking family here, you do what you can do best.
Kids are born with different chemistry, You could do your best to raise them in best way. One can be only held accountable if she is not doing her best according her abilities.
If things go right with kids/family we should never for get to thank God for that.
But It cannot be guaranteed.
One of my nephew is hyper active child. We kept thinking is doesn't care about so many things , and he wants to fight and stuff.
Then One day in a market I saw a book about hyperactive kids, I bought it. I was surprised to read symptoms it was as some one was describing my nephew.
I told by sis in law how to deal with him.
One of my cousin borrowed that book to understand her child too.
My point is if I couldn't have found the book, would it be my sister in law fault?
And I see the start of a cat fight here. If you want to discredit Hareem then discredit the 70% statistics not her. Its not like she chose to make it up on her own. Ask for a source? Your attitude more than anything shows why women loose custody, its because they are rarely level headed. Single women raising children in afluent neighborhoods have a different set of issues. I would rather say this depends on a case by case basis and based on statistics single working mothers who make it into afluent neighborhoods are rare which means the probabibility of children with single mothers ending up in slummy or not so good neighborhood environments are more likely. These are just general observations and not rules and proper research can easily dsicredit this depending on what circumstances it is conducted in.
As funny as it sounds its true. Treason (political) is what I meant by traitors - punishable by death. As is adultery, although there is a viewpoint that it might not be punishable by death. I'm rusty on the subject so I can't pull out those arguments from memory for you. However, its a pretty standard view in most of the muslim world. Death penalty for homosexuality is also commonly practiced and supported by scholars and lay muslims, however, I find the evidence for it very weak, hence I didn't list it.
Hareem, how immature. I'm sure you're going to quote this and attach a Hahahaha to it too. Amazing how little you behave like a real muslim in discussion.
As funny as it sounds its true. Treason (political) is what I meant by traitors - punishable by death. As is adultery, although there is a viewpoint that it might not be punishable by death. I'm rusty on the subject so I can't pull out those arguments from memory for you. However, its a pretty standard view in most of the muslim world. Death penalty for homosexuality is also commonly practiced and supported by scholars and lay muslims, however, I find the evidence for it very weak, hence I didn't list it.
Hareem, how immature. I'm sure you're going to quote this and attach a Hahahaha to it too. Amazing how little you behave like a real muslim in discussion.
