In my group of friends there’s one girl … we’ll call her Annie..who is married and speaks very freely and openly with us about whatever problems she’s having with her husband. Its everything from the smallest fight to stuff about money management or in-laws. She has no sisters to confide in and her parents are much too old and sick, therefore she doesnt like bothering them with her problems. So its only natural that she reaches out to someone to be the one that listens to her problems and is her shoulder to cry on. Its not really like she’s asking us for advice, more like venting actually. Now one of our friends is quite a loudmouth and starts making comments about the husband which are often times very rude and snarky. I dont think she means it to come out like that, but she always speaks her mind, no political correctness whatsoever. Things like “no offense but your husband is a jerk”, “you really need to put a leash on him”, “you could have done much better”, “you dont deserve this crap.”
Annie is one of those vulnerable quiet types that just takes all the insults that are dished out to her… she never fights back.
I’ve told the other girl to stop doing that, that its not nice and nor is it right… we have no right to criticize him… if she vents to us, let it be just that… venting, we dont need to give in our two cents… especially if it makes her more miserable and upset than anything else.
I dunno if this is socially acceptable anyway no matter how close you are to someone, you just dont badmouth their husband/wife… its not cool… but she insists that its absolutely fine, we’ve known her for much longer, and all we’re doing is “calling it as it is” and “looking out for her”. I disagree and dont see it as such. I think its belittling her choice of a life partner and making her feel worse about the kind of man that she has chosen for herself. Nothing he has done is horrid, he’s just a bit too much of a mama’s boy and doesnt know when to tell his parents to butt out of his life. For that he gets called all sorts of names and Annie gets told that her husband has no respect for her or their marriage
Ok sorry it got too long.. but does anyone else agree with me? I never see men criticize their friends’ spouses… wonder why us women think its ok… and this friend has been doing this like way before annie even spoke to us about her problems…
No offense but i think ur friend is being a big ol wiatch.
And "Annie" shouldn't be sharing so much so freely.
frankly I think such women who always make mean and negative comments about others spouses, are just home-wreckers b/c they place doubt in the mind of the person venting.
If i ever complain about my husband, the people i choose to share are mature enough to NOT talk in that way. rather they help me see why he's acting in a way that im complaining about him.
^ I agree. I’ve always told her that it just makes her look bad.. because it seems like an insecurity in her thats causing her to point out flaws or suggest things that are far from the truth, maybe just to put Annie down about her life and who her better half is. The last such discussion ended up with Annie in tears, and im hoping its a lesson learned for her not to share anything with us when the lunatic loudmouth is around
A wife should behave a like a blanket concealing her husbands fallibilities and flaws. If needs must discuss with an wise, impartial observer who will respect your confidentiality.
I think you need to have a frank discussion with Annie, and if she doesn't already see it, point out to her that she needs to edit the people she vents her grievances to. Not all friends see marital problems in the same light. I find that I vent my marital problems to friend A, although she is not my closest friend, than I do to friend B, whom I grew up with and is more or less my best friend. It's because I know friend B's viewpoints and I don't agree with her perspective on marriage, and I know the other friend knows I'm venting, not belittling.
Also, regarding the "mama's boy", loudmouth lunatic does have a point. As Annie's friends, you guys should also perhaps help her brainstorm and develop attitude/persuasive arguments, etc to help her improve her marriage and get her hubby to loosen his leash? At the end of the day, even though we vent to our friends, we want input for solutions too, whether we follow them or not.
Over the years, Ive become very very choosy in who I share such personal details with. I do not want to hear things like that from my friends. Of course, if he is wrong then there are better ways to say it rather then "he is such a jerk".
The other thing is...you dont want to lower your husband's respect in other peoples' eyes so its not a good idea to talk about personal things with friends. If its an extremely close friend or sister or brother, fine. But someone who can be like that shouldnt be told such things...its setting yourself up for future problems. Who knows if this friend is sincere or not? Who knows when she might say something to someone else? Who knows if things go south with this friend, she wont use that information against your friend? There are too many risks involved...you have to be able to trust your confidantes with your life before sharing such things.
No offense but i think ur friend is being a big ol wiatch.
And "Annie" shouldn't be sharing so much so freely.
frankly I think such women who always make mean and negative comments about others spouses, are just home-wreckers b/c they place doubt in the mind of the person venting.
If i ever complain about my husband, the people i choose to share are mature enough to NOT talk in that way. rather they help me see why he's acting in a way that im complaining about him.
Well, I think what Annie is doing is exposing her wounds to germs. As someone said, you should never be sharing so much with friends - because then this is exactly what happens.
How people look at Annie and her husband depends on how Annie speaks about her husband and her personal life. She should stop discussing and people will stop making pathetic comments.
I hardly ever share personal information with friends, be it about husband, myself or the family. If I have a conflict with my husband, i'd rather talk it out with him than complaining or badmouthing to someone else about him.
Why ruin your husband's image in your friends' eyes? Your friends should respect him no matter what. Don't let anyone tell you that you made a wrong choice or belittle him in any way.
"Annie" should never reveal any details about her husband like this. It is unethical and eventually will mess her life up. NO one is perfect, probably husbands make more mistakes then wives but wives aren't innocent either.
You said that "Annie is one of those vulnerable quiet types", doesn't seem like quite to me.
Just for laughs...."Annie" should read and follow this...
Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Q. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A. Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A. When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....'
Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Q. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
A. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q. Women will never be equal to men
A. Until they can walk down the street with a bald head
And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
