“Man, it don’t matter where you come in to bat, the
score is still zero.” -Viv Richards to Sunil
Gavaskar at Madras 1983. Gavaskar had decided to
relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4
for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out
Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks,
setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2.And
he thought there would be less pressure!
Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county
game.
Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said
“It’s red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces.”
Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for
a 6 and replies,“Greg, you know what it looks like.
Go ahead and find it!”
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball
goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba
Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of
the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly. “I should’ve kept my legs together,
Fred”. The reply is classic Trueman, “Not you son,
Your mother should’ve!”
Then there’s this wicketkeeper who quitely asked the
new batsman:“So how’s your wife, and my kids?” Guess
who…Rod Marsh…to Ian Botham!!
New Zealand vs South Africa: Daryll Cullinan was
batting, attempting a comeback from a complete
bamboozling from Warne in earlier games. Cullinan
played the first ball from Chris Harris very
carefully back down the pitch, and keeper Parore
yelled out “Well bowled Warnie!”
Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a
Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease. The Aus
captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose
shadows fall on the wicket. Fredie finds this
objectionable. 'Ere, if you lads don’t back off,
I’ll appeal for bad light!"
The best one
(Incident described in “From the Pavilion End” by
Harold “Dickie” Bird) “Bomber” Wells, a spin bowler
and great character, played for Glocuestershire and
Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one
couldn’t bat any lower. Of him, they used to
paraphrase Compton’s famous words describing an
equally inept runner; “When he shouts ‘YES’ for a
run, it is merely the basis for further
negotiations!” Incidentally, Compton was no better.
John Warr said, of Compton “He was the only person
who would call you for a run and wish you luck at
the same time.” Anyway, when Wells played for
Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the
No.10. During a county match, horror of
horrors…both got injured.
Both opted for runners when it was their turn to
bat.
Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run,
forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the
other end. In the melee, someone decided that a
second run was on. Now we had all four running.
Due to the confusion and constant shouts of “YES”
“NO”, eventually, all of them ran to the same end.
Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is
rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One
of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a
minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at
the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very
seriously at the four and calmly informs them “One
of you buggers is out. I don’t know which. You
decide and inform the bloody scorers!”.
