My post will be long so go grab popcorns or something if u wish. There is a dilemma in my family these days. its basically between two of my cousins. about 10 years ago my grandpa fixed rishta between them. heres a lil background info on them ** GIRL = dad( my chachu) is financially not stable. She is educated, got her b.a and some course in pscyology or something i believe. lived and brought up in paki.
GUY = son of my other chachu. Had some illness since childhood. Is mentally a little slow, but not retarded . lets say 55-60% out of 100% in mental health. Hears loud, is tootla( wat do u call dat in english) and really bad eyesight, and after numerous treatments, his eyesight still has no improvement. is onlly 5-6 grade educated. Does not work due to eyesight, and depends on parents. Been living here in usa for about 17 years. ** ** Due to my grandpa's wish they got nikahed about 10 years ago.** The girl's mother disagreed but her opinion wasnt give any importance. **A year later, my grandparents passed away. **The guy's family financially supported the girl and her family. Be it from her education, to her brothers and sisters. Her mother had a seious heart attack and they paid thousands of dollars on her medical bills as well. **Now my girl cousin got her visa about 2 years back. She came, and wasnt very happy with her hubby's condition. She wasnt behaving right with him either. As the guy's parents noticed, they started behaving the same with her. The girl eventually came under them. The guy was sexually wrong with her. I DONT WANT TO GO IN DETAIL AS IT WOUDL BE INAPPROPRIATE ON THIS FORUM. **The guys's family members didnt not talk to her, as her mother in law and sister in law are born evil wit horns. Recently i went out of town, and my mom got sick so she asked her inlaws if she could bring her over for a while till i come back. well its been about 5 months now, i came back a week after she came over and she is still at our place. She does not wish to go back. Her inlaws do not wish to take her back unless she behaves like a wife to her hubby. The girl said she do not want to go back , and wants her green card and does not wish to go back to paki to her parents. the guys family refuse to give her the green card if she asks for divorce. they always brag about how much money they spent on her and her family. ** Now the thing is, if there is a divorce then it will be 2 chachus against each other. it will be sad for all of us. The girl's family knew about this before as well so why whine now? The girl seriously does not know what she will do after wards. And my family cannot finanicllay support her as we are already going through so much debt.** AND I HATE SHARING MY ROOM WITH HER, AND CLEANING UP AFTER THE SO CALLED CLEANING SHE DOES, AND HOW UNORGINIZED SHE IS AND HOW MESSY THE WASHROOM IS ONCE SHE USES AND NEVER CLEANS AFTER HERSELF, AND USES ALL MY PRODUCTS AND WAX WHICH IS SOMETHING I DONT EVEN SHARE WITH MY OWN SIS AND SHE TAKES IT WITHOUT ASKING , AND SHE BARELY TAKES A SHOWER IN A WEEK.ok ok i didnt have to share this, im jus letting out the feelings inside on gs ughhh. i honestly hate her attitude, and lifestyle. but on a serious note what shoudl she do? give it another shot? or get a divorce? if get a divorce then should she stay here or go to paki? thanks in advance for sharing ur suggestions, opinions. i hoope ur bowl of popcorn is finished haha :) serious opinions esp from married women :)
Sounds like a tough situation all around.
the girl has a right to a life with a husband who is on her won mental level...maybe she wants kids and he can't have any....judging by what you said, she must have been pretty young when she had a nikkah. obviously her own opinion and consent wasn't of importance, neither was her mothers. So your point about why are htey whining now is moot since you sai dso yourself the mothers opinion wasn't given any importance.
however it doesn't give her the right to treat him terribly.... but maybe since she had no say or importance in her llife she doesnt know better....
Secondly... I kinda feel bad for the guy....whatever his own situation is, he too deserves a wife who will care for him and take care of him, as do the in laws.
Also I dont think the family is evil... an evil family wouldn't willingly financially support two families..even if they were to support her after hte nikkah there was no rule that says htey have to support her mother or her siblings...i don't see how u can spend so much money on someone u just don't care about.
im sure they too are heartbroken when they see how she treats them.....maybe for them, the money they provided was their way of showing care (for some people, money is the only way they can show how they care) and in return being treated horribly hurts them....so maybe htey're not "Bragging" but rather lamenting that after all they could do this is how they are repaid....
i think everyone needs to go their separate ways... However if she does divorce, you guys should help her get on her feet..i.e., get a job, find a place to live, or if u dont want her ot live alone, tell her that this is how she will have to live (cleaning up after herself, at least pay for her own stuff etc).. i understand after 5 months of an unwanted guest you feel very annoyed....and she can def have an iattitutde after all she's been through
basically i think everyone here is a victim... =(
wow im done...a whole post without being mean or judgmental, i think im losing my touch :@: