Cousin's In- Laws

[redvelvet]

Re: Cousin’s In- Laws

@mzprincess88

MA my cousin’s family did a lot for her- even giving her and hubby half the money to buy a house. They spent thousands on gifts for his family and they still complain. Cousin’s hubby now wants to give 10 thousand dollars to his sis and her hubby as a wedding gift- this 10 thousand dollars will go from 15 thousand dollars that my cousin’s grandfather gifted them on THEIR wedding as cousin’s hubby earns very little in his job which barely covers their expenses. Cousin is upset- how to handle?

And thank you for the useful advice above, I will relay this to her.

If her grandfather had only gifted this money to him, then it’s exclusively his right to do whatever he wishes with that money. But it was gifted to both of them, so he should have consideration for his wife’s wishes. She can attempt to gently explain to him that since her grandfather gifted the money for BOTH of them, that they should split it in half. And he can use his half for his sister’s wedding which will be about 7-some thousand dollars and if he wants to give his sister $10,000 then he can add the 3,000 from his own income. If he says that he can’t afford 3000 from his own money, then she can suggest that the money be spaced out…that it doesn’t have to be given as a lump sum all at once. It would be really big of her to forego the 3,000 as well and may Allah reward her for such generosity if she chooses that route, but if she wants to split it in half I think it’s still fair and within her right. Hypothetically speaking, if let’s say that OP does not work and a sibling of her is getting married, she would rely exclusively on her husband’s earnings to give her sister wedding gift/s. That’s another angle to look at it from. BUT, in this case, is it right for a wife to expect that 10,000 be given for her own siblings as well or is that not necessary? I dunno. Yikes, the tricky parts of marriage and how to go about them in a way that maintains your own dignity and without losing respect and trust in your spouse. :\

As for her in-laws complaints…the thing is that some people (not all) develop an attitude of self-entitlement when others go above and beyond in spoiling them; this can make them unappreciative. So, the gift-giver has to factor in this possibility before giving gifts. Generosity can also lead to people becoming more aware of their own financial limitations and this can cause them to become insecure. I think that’s why your cousin’s in-laws lied that her family only gave 1 lakh rupees instead of two. I could be wrong, but my guess is that it was their attempt to save face or to show others that the “larkiwalay” cannot afford “more” than us. And if I am right, then their complaints and lies stem from insecurity.