Ever since I was a little girl, My Nana (moms dad) had done everyones rishta’s - including all his daughters - and he was a very very very respectable man, and very religious, and all his rishtas that he had done had always turned out for the best, and my moms side of the family were very well known for that. He had also done mine with my mamu’s son…
But my family has been living abroad, and i was born in Glasow, so my parents being pretty liberal decided to not push it on me at all, and had given me the permission to marry whoever I wanted to marry - but they had just let me know that they could gaurantee that I would be happy with my mamu’s son, and that he would treat me well.
When I went back to pakistan this time - he came up to me, and we started talking. He taught me to drive - and we spent alot more time together, and before I left, I realized that I had started to develop some feelings for him - and him for me. He gave me a beautiful bracelet before i left as a token of his affection. I accepted the gift…
Now the big dilemma is this… I am don’t go back to pakistan that much, and he has lived there his whole life - and is kind of a village boy - because that’s where he grew up. English is my base languae, although i can speak and understand urdu to some extent…
I dont know if the cultural gap is too big? and I dont want to string him along and get his hopes up only to find someone else…
I dont want society judging me, and I don’t want to realize that I made a mistake…
A) How old are you (ie how close is the wedding to happening)
B) Are they expecting you to move to the village or him to move to Glasow?
i'm 18 - and i don't expect to get married till like 24 or up - which is why im worried about me ending up stringing him along - because i don't want to be mean like that :(
Nonono - if i did marry him - he would definately move out of pakistan - nobody not even his parents expect me to move to pakistan - which is why i don't want him to go somewhere he feels uncomfortable.
We've been sms-in eachother since i got back - and he asked me where i wanted to live when I was older - and i said probably london, dubai, glasgow or maybe hong kong (where i live now) and then i asked him where he would want to live - and he said wherever I go....
like i know he's being really sweet - but i doubt any man would want to just drop everything and split from a country right?
you know what just go up to him and be straightforward tell him all your worries dear... tell him what is worrying you about him stringin along and all that ask him if he will be alright and stuff
oh btw what does he do? i mean do you think he will be able to get good jobs outside?
you know what just go up to him and be straightforward tell him all your worries dear... tell him what is worrying you about him stringin along and all that ask him if he will be alright and stuff
oh btw what does he do? i mean do you think he will be able to get good jobs outside?
well heres the thing with jobs - (i feel bad writing this on a forum, because this is like... family stuff)
but my dad's a pretty powerful man in quite a few industries. Mainly business, media and property. like he got my cousin his own concert company started, got my other cousins jobs in the property industry, jobs in morgan stanley, hsbc, etc....
So like job wise- i know my parents could take care of that... its just like... for lack of better words i dont want to de-ball him!
And i have tried talking to him, and he tells me everything i want to hear! im just worried that he's to head over heels for me and is not telling me the truth -_-
like i told him about the stringing him along - and his response was "don't worry about me, just know that i'll wait for you always"
and i was like ugh-aww
you dont need to feel bad, even my hubby he will be given a job by my dad because well same reason as yours. i know this is not only applicable to your situation but also in any situation, someone tells you all what you want to hear in order to get into your good books and then when you do put them there and trust them somehow things start to go sour and fall apart. i can understand your worries. how old is he? is he educated? can he speak english? because in Dubai at least speaking english is very important. Are these questions on your mind too? are you worried about questions like these?
you dont need to feel bad, even my hubby he will be given a job by my dad because well same reason as yours. i know this is not only applicable to your situation but also in any situation, someone tells you all what you want to hear in order to get into your good books and then when you do put them there and trust them somehow things start to go sour and fall apart. i can understand your worries. how old is he? is he educated? can he speak english? because in Dubai at least speaking english is very important. Are these questions on your mind too? are you worried about questions like these?
YES!!! all those questions and many more! His english is decent - and i think he's goin to do a bachelors in commerce. he's 2 years older than I am...
well like we've always been nice, and he has a very good character and is like the funny one in the family... but im just worried that i'll end up being the man :S :S like i think he thinks that im like not cut out to be a good housewife, like he doesnt expect me to cook, clean or anything (because i've lived outside for so long) and like right now im workin with cnbc and stuff, and im worried that we'll swtich roles which is not what i want at alll
ugh
ITS JUST SO HARD TO DECIDE!!
and im getting more and more worried because he's really attached me to me - and im startin to liek him more, and the last thing i want is to marry someone when you're blindly falling for them - because then you ALWAYS forget about the small problems!
u idiot mera nikkah howa hai !! ullo … btw he is also in aussie these days:snooty: …
Umm well but then again see truthfully even though you think you like him now it is always best to marry someone of the same mentality level as yours. you have lived all your life outside and your ways of thinking and everything is different and will be more different once you get married to him. he is from a village no matter how good you think he is his mentality level is totally different plus do you think he will allow for you to work after getting married? have you ever thought about if he wants 4 or 5 kids and you only want 1 or 2? … because from where he is coming from having a lot of kids is good but your mentality would say that yaar too many kids will be a headache i only want 1 or 2 and then you will disagree with him on this and this will cause rifts etc between you twoo .. but if you think all this and more is alright to you and you will be able to adjust and handle it then by all means do what you think is right… or by marrying him you are thinking ur doing the right thing
Main reason given for cousin marraiges is to keep the wealth in the Family........what can suffer in these situations is the next generation may get to keep the defective genes from both parents.........
makes perfect sense. I think he will let me work for a while - but i dont think he would want me working all the time hmm. that was my main issue - the mentality thing - i just dont know if he will ever be able to adjust.
decisions decisions…
i did talk to my mom about it - and she told me that he woudl be fine :S but i think that’s just her because she’s secretly always wanted me with him…
maybe i should slowly start talking to him less :S ?
makes perfect sense. I think he will let me work for a while - but i dont think he would want me working all the time hmm. that was my main issue - the mentality thing - i just dont know if he will ever be able to adjust.
decisions decisions...
i did talk to my mom about it - and she told me that he woudl be fine :S but i think that's just her because she's secretly always wanted me with him...
maybe i should slowly start talking to him less :S ?
before i even go any further just tell me... are you career oriented? :) would you mind if he said i dont want you to work anymore? would you like sitting at home all day? then dear i think you should break it off. dont give him any hints that you are going to accept this ristha. you have the leverage because your parents are cool with the fact that you can marry whome ever you choose to marry. yes start talking to him less and do not give any hints or necessarily drag things, do not sms him that much. slowly drop contact, if you really do now want to marry him then why waste his and yours precious time.