OK, my cousin maybe coming to study here in the uk, for a year or so..shes someone i hate, cant stand her, or her family. reasons why are not really needed here. anyway so we have heard shes coming, however we as yet havent been told, although shes saying she will be staying with us ( us as in my mums house, although theres 8 people there already and no room of anyone else, thats 8 including me and hubby and 9 if you include our soon to be expected baby, we are here til babys born)
NOW, how can we tell her without telling her directly to go somewhere else when she comes, just because she has relatives here why is it expected she will live here, its not a holiday, its oa year AT LEAST…and theres no space. it doesnt help thats shes someone i and others in family dont like.
i doubt these people would think about hpow many rooms the house has, and if it can accomodate her, they jsut expect her to live here.
Set up a tent or shamiana for her in your backyard, sahan , or front yard.
Your mum has to decide if this cousin of yours can stay or not stay at her place. Why you worry ? If your mum does not know that you hate this cousin of yours then tell your mum and she will make sure that you two do not end up under that tent or shamiana anytime during her stay. Kissa khatam. Your worry over , your mums worry starts.
Doesn't she pick up on the vibe that she's not welcome...and why would a person wanna subject themselves to living with ppl that they don't get along with for an entire YEAR! That would suck!
as a guest, and being a girl she'll need her own room. i get the impression you live a in big grand house, if so partition one of the roams of the kids. single bed, desk and wardrobe is the requirement.
as for not liking her, i'd have to say it would be your responsibilty to look after her whilst shes here. its your honour
Mehmaan are always welcome in our house! Ive had people come, overstay their welcome and make me miserable. But you deal with it because you never know when you might need the same courtesy extended to you.
well if she is coming to study and there are already that many people in the house I am thinking she may have a hard time getting through stuff.. secondly, with you having a baby it'll be difficult situation for you to be in since when you don't like someone you tend to get upset more often or soo right?? Even though mahman are welcome anytime in our house as well.. I thnk most normal people understand the vibe if they are welcome or not.. I love having dinners, guests over but when i am not comfortable with someone it creates a horrible envirnment for everyone. I would suggest you not be involved in this since it's your mother's house and let her deal with it nicely because afterall family is family even if you dislike each other.. :)
is she on scholarship or not? daddy paying? she should definitely get her own accomodation. i have one relative here where i live .. but they are distant .. let alone living with them, i didnt even go meet them, and neither did they contact me ..
so i am assuming they were also scared i'll disturb them by staying in their house forever if they invited me ... not like i ws going to ... but anyway ... now that i am married ... they all of a sudden inquired about my phone number so they can get in touch ... wah wah
ur really confusing behna. First u open a thread about how you'd like ur relatives to come over from Pakistan because pak ain't safe .. and now that one of ur relatives is coming over u have problems with that too.
I'm not giving out. I'm genuinely confused. Don't hate. Be tolerant to her. Giver her a chance. If u really can't stand her, just don't talk to her that much, and she'll get the point. No need to be rude, just don't interact with her as much if she really gets on ur nerves, still be respectful.
Look forward to the entertainment of her staying in your home. Her behavior will give you something to talk about. It’ll be like watching a reality show with tons of drama.
As mirch said, arrange a shamiana for her outside your house. A big and colorful one. What if she misinterprets it as special treament?
Hatch a united plan with your family to deliberately make this cousin’s life miserable. If you bug her enough…khud hi bhaag jayegi!
When she comes over, “HINT” to her about other living arrangements such as staying in a dorm, for example. You can say, “Oh…you’re a student…and there’s so much noise in a house of so many people plus a crying baby. It must get in the way of your studying. There are more peaceful living arrangements such a dorm so you can concentrate better.”
As Reha said, show courtesty and be patient with her. YOU NEVER KNOW when you migt need a favor from HER and HER FAMILY. If you have issues with her…discuss them nicely. “We like having you here and I’m not trying to offend you, but we’d prefer if you’d help us out with the chores. Just be like a member of our family.”
As being the international student myself I can tell you that its really scary for newcomer . Though you hate her family , but still help her out as much as you can . Unless she is out of cultural shock and can learn to live on her own . Let her stay with you for couple of months and then suggest to her that she might want to rent an apartment or may be share it . I hope she'll realize it once she'll see the situation at your house .
Tell her you are away for the year because your house is being renovated... or my personal favorite... tell her you moved... or are in the process of moving.
Be straight up, Tell her there is no room. Your not lying. Your telling the truth. 8 people living at your house, How do you cope? That would drive me mental. Just say to her the only place theres room is the floor. (But leave that till the last resort because believe me they will take that oppurtunity)
has the person been invited? was your family asked?
it is improper for somone to make plans to stay with you for a year if they have not bothered to ask your family about it.
I would be upfront and tell her family that there is no room, and she should find her own accommodations, and that your family will help her find accommodation and help her with getting settled in etc etc.
Now for a major possibility..One issue is that if she is coming alone, people may be getting on her parents case about single girl going abroad living on her own type of crap, in which case an easy answer is that she is living with relatives, now whether or not she does no one needs to know. everyone would know she has gone, but once she is gone from there, there is less for ppl to talk about.
