recently someone confided in me that he was sexually abused as a child. this person is a middle age adult now and has a highly successful career but admits to depression from time to time. Its a very sensitive topic with him but i think he feels he can talk about it with me and he wants to bcos he brings it up randomly when we talk. i think he is reaching out for healing.
i am at a loss as to how to help him. like what is an appropriate response? how can i help him heal.i really want to. my heart goes out to him
I believe he must talk to psychotherapist. If he is hesitant, you, in your friend's capacity, must arrange him one after taking him in confidence. If he is introvert, you must bust his shell. If one is more active, and enjoys it, they tend to get over past.
PS:Its sad to learn your friend went through this:(
Perhaps he should seek professional counselling instead. I appreciate your desire and willingness to help him out, but I really don't think you can do much, plus he might regret sharing that with you later. A professional, on the other hand, is trained and experienced to deal with such (and worse) cases. Certain jobs should be left to the pros.
Perhaps he should seek professional counselling instead. I appreciate your desire and willingness to help him out, but I really don't think you can do much, plus he might regret sharing that with you later. A professional, on the other hand, is trained and experienced to deal with such (and worse) cases. Certain jobs should be left to the pros.
thank you for the responses.
he is not an introvert. in fact he excelled at sports and academically and is a very well-liked person in the social circles.i believe he has undergone some professional counselling but im asking in the capacity of a friend that if he wants to talk about it with me what are some ways in which i can respond. it is a rather sensitive issue but i sense he does want to talk about it. i am only very few of the people (apart from his immediate family) whom he is confiding in. i want to reach out as much as i can.
so what are the suggestions now nice people :)?
thank you for the responses.
he is not an introvert. in fact he excelled at sports and academically and is a very well-liked person in the social circles.i believe he has undergone some professional counselling but im asking in the capacity of a friend that if he wants to talk about it with me what are some ways in which i can respond. it is a rather sensitive issue but i sense he does want to talk about it. i am only very few of the people (apart from his immediate family) whom he is confiding in. i want to reach out as much as i can.
so what are the suggestions now nice people :)?
If you're not a 100% sure that he's seen a psychologist/therapist, the encourage him to go to one. Since you don't have the training, you'd have to be careful with what you say....because you might (even with good intentions) say something that could hurt him. Seek the help of a professional.
As far as being a friend is concerned....as others above have suggested....you can listen to him (sometimes people only want you to listen....and not advise) and treat him like you would all your other friends. Again, be mindful of your words and body language. For example, people can be offended if your body language reflects pity.
You can try to gently redirect him toward the positive things in his life/his accomplishments. He can't undo the past but he hasn't let it consume him completely either.....and has in many ways moved forward in his life. Acknowledge his feelings but point out the strength that he has. Again..........it's a sensitive/complicated issue.......and what might seem like helpful words to you and us....could backfire with him.
Just listen to him. That's all. Be a good listener and everything else just happens.
I say listen to the girl.
I add, when you are in moment with him, he is open like a vessel. Tell him "u suck" :D
No' don't!!!
Tell him you got to make peace with your scars.
His 98% problem is gone by having you in his life as a person who knows his pains.
Plus way you describe his personality, this thing wont do him any serious damage(every thing else being stable around him).
Its nothing more then an old sports injury which bothers you every once in a while :)
You say that he's reaching out to you because he feels he can talk to you - make sure not to shut him out. Continue to listen to him (don't probe him about it or ask questions) and limit any "advice" to suggesting he seeks professional counselling.
Listen to him whenever he wants to talk about it and be honest....if ure at a loss for words, just say you don't know what to say to him because you've never come across something like this, and your silence isn't a way of judging him...but that u dont know what to say.
thanks alot everyone for your response. much appreciated except:
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I add, when you are in moment with him, he is open like a vessel. Tell him "u suck" :D
No' don't!!!
errr......your sense of humour is greatly misplaced. im disgusted by your comment. a little child of six years had been repeatedly sexually abused by a family member and his innocence and his dignity destroyed forever and you have the galls to crack a disgusting joke. Thank the God Jimmy Kimble that you were not that child.
