I spoke to a good friend of mine that is Syed. She told me that the first preference is of a Syed rishta and that some families treat this as a rule, whereas others are less rigid about it. It’s possible that your boyfriend’s family treats this practice as a rule. So he may have told you the truth. But in that case, he must have known about this family rule from before hand. And if he’s going to become so obedient of his mother right now, then why did he enter a relationship with you in the first place? Do you have an answer for this?
I had asked you a couple of times whether he has reached out to you during your period of silence and you haven’t answered it. How long has it been since you have stopped talking to him and during this time has he contacted you at all? If he hasn’t, then it makes your situation even tougher.
We have shared various angles with you, but it’s for you to decide what you want to do. If you plan to convince him, then I will suggest that you avoid using words like “Man up!” and “Stop being a puppet to your family.” Those are very strong words, they can sound harsh, and they can push him away from you. You don’t want to give him the impression that you don’t care at all about his family. I think it would be better if you try to work together with him in coming up with some strong, valid talking points that he can use while discussing this matter with his parents. Of course, this is provided if he still wants to marry you. There’s also a possibility that he may not respond to you, or that he will refuse you again…and either of these responses is going to be painful. But if you still want to give it a try…then prepare your heart for whatever result this step will bring.
I have edited this post of mine sooooo many times. I had to take out the time to think about whether I am coming across as harsh, or hasty, or wrong in discouraging you. So, that’s why I also included the other side of the coin: the possibility of broaching the subject with him again. I will be honest with you…I am not very hopeful, Stressed. I have been through something similar a long time ago and I remember that my own attempts at convincing were shot down in a pretty hurtful way. In hindsight I wish I hadn’t bothered because with time it became glaringly clear that the guy was neither genuine nor vested. So, just giving you a heads-up so that you can mentally ready yourself. It’s your decision what you want to do. Best wishes.
OK. There could be reasons why he refused the first time, even though he did fancy you etc. You have to have a straight up chat with him about the topic. If he comes off as indecisive and his reasons aren’t solid/are unacceptable to you - just let it be. If someone is really into you enough to marry you, they’ll be sure about it. They wouldn’t need chasing and convincing.
Not a good idea. Could come back and bite you. ’ I never wanted to marry you in the first place, you forced me’.
Also - they say, you should marry someones who loves you not who you love. After being married, abused and used - I can say it’s true.
Better than committing zina. At the end of the day you will know you tried your best to get married to the person you like. But sadly and unfortunately sin like zina isn’t considered as “retarded” idea but normal in society these days as marriage/halal ways have been made difficult, thanks to desis & their ridiculous attitude. May be going haram way and having sex out of wedlock increases someone’s self worth these days.
Stressed,
You asked for an opinion and everyone is answering accordingly. If opposition on this topic makes you uncomfortable, why did you create this topic in the first place? Now that you did, I suggest being open to everyone’s opinion and advice rather than throwing a fit over it.
As obvious by 15+ responses, nobody thinks it’s a good idea. Perhaps you should’ve worded your question better.
Where in my post do you see me recommending ‘Zina’??? Totally unable to see where the heck that came from. So what you are actually telling me is that you have only 2 options in your life. Either beg some guy to marry you or commit Zina? Are you a physically or mentally disabled person or in state of such a need that you’re unable to find anyone in the world except one guy whom you want to beg to marry you. Seriously? And if you claim that you are so madly deeply in love with a guy which is making you beg him for marriage then the question arises what kind of guy, knowing your only two options in life are to either marry him or COMMIT ZINA (How retarded is that!!! Still can’t believe what I read), still puts you in those circumstances… what does that say about him?
Thirdly, if you are so convinced in your heart that you will never find another guy who even allows you to beg him for marriage and will be left with nothing else but commit zina with any xyz (Retards! Is there any other word to describe such thoughts and people?) & want to basically do nothing else but beg for marriage or commit Zina, whats the point of even asking opinions on an online fora?
I had read weirdest of issues put up in here for advice in past but this unbelievably twisted mentality of begging a guy to marry or commit Zina breaks all the previous records in terms of weirdness.
Even a physically disabled person will not beg anyone to marry him/her or at worse commit ZINA. Mentally deranged maybe… Oh wait… Now the nature of the question and the twisted mentality behind equating not begging a guy to marry you with committing ZINA has started to make sense.
most of the people in this thread suggested what they wanna suggest using polite language but some on the other hand got all worked up and started using foul language I dont know why.
Also, I recommend posters in this thread to stop using the word “retard” as a derogatory term.
If you’re going to duck yourselves to name calling, there’s well over 150,000 words in a dictionary. Pick. another. word.
@StoicHermit Well her posts in this thread are full of derogatory terms. I dont know what made her so upset. May be the word zina might have triggered something for her.
Title of your thread is enough to trigger everything in any normal healthy self respecting human being not exposed to such twisted ideas and mentality like yours. And why would the word ‘Zina’ trigger anything in me? Are you accusing random posters on this board whose opinions you are begging for (seems to be part of your personality… begging; that is) for committing Zina or begging guys to marry them in theirroutined lives? No dear there is only one desperately wanting to do both of those retarded things so far and clearly it’s not any one from the opinion givers.
It could be that you rub that ‘zina’ word on my face because you read my other post about remaining single & not to marry a wrong guy & since you are from the team of those struggling so hard to mess up my real world life for being a good Muslim girl & have not been successful so far, so in your frustration, now you’re struggling to create a dirty impression of me here by relating all kinds of sick attitudes & ideas with me. No no it’s not me. It’s YOU & your team. Your sick ideas will remain in your own head & lives just like before. Most prolly come back to haunt You when faced by your own loved ones. You can’t touch the air that surrounds me. Harming me in different ways will forever remain the dream of your team. Nothing your psychopath masters or you can do to make me bow down to any humans.
Let’s say for example that your own mother advises you that it’s foolish to remain stuck on a guy who has given up on you, then would you also tell your mom that at least it’s better than committing zina? Since when did discouraging or disapproving of a certain rishta become grounds for a zina debate? This is an extreme soch and frankly speaking this is a sign of getting worked up. It’s like you have become so diwani in this guy’s love that you are jumping to hasty and nonsensical conclusions about members’ intentions.
Where exactly do you live? If it’s in a majority Muslim country (Pakistan, Middle East, etc)…is that why the zina comparison came up? Even the zina karne waly laug will also prefer to marry a person who does not give up on them and believes they are worth fighting for. As guneghaar as you believe the zina karne walay to be (and it’s a gunnah for sure), but the haqeeqat is that even they want marriage with someone who reciprocates their love. It’s something to think about. If you’re going to use examples and analogies to defend your love for this guy, then sweetheart at least come up with reasonable comparisons/misaalain.
Sweetheart I live in the US & stop assuming that even zina karne waale log prefers this & that. You dont know others preferences Keep your assumptions to yourself.
^^ Yeah true. I dont think any of us could know preferences of zina-practicing effed up individuals. None of us has that twisted of a mentality. It’s clear to see who does.
Yeah I will save my time in future now that I know who the twisted one in the head is. I sure did a favor by offering good advice not knowing the faarigh log only have three pastimes in their lives. Committing zina. Then begging guys to marry them after committing Zina. Then when they reject them because they have already got what they needed. Then visiting online forums to post their escapades and messed up psychological status & twisted life style. And then targeting and attacking individuals who give them same advice instead of being thankful.
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^^^ Now who is throwing accusations? Shows how cheap you are inside out,
And I wasnt equating zina with self respect. Whole point of saying that was at least I am not committing gunnah e kabira but instead just asking a guy for marriage which is halal unlike zina which is haram ( sadly which is considered “fun” these days for most of the people). Finding decent guys is difficult enough these days given the fact that you live where there are no desis to begin with.
But some crazy chicks in here took it to another level.