i want a opinion on a issue. i was gonna have baat pakki with my guy friend from uni. we were friends for many months and our parents met and decide to move forward with rishta.
My guy friend, his sister, and me went on a outing.his sister dont like me and she made the rude comments about my family and status and career which i dun wanna share what she said. But she hurted me.still i stayed quiet. ofcourse his sister not gonna care what she did.but i am sad that even my guy friend did not speak up or supported me. he didnt say nothing not even sorry
i felt sad and needed space to myself.in this time my guy friend text me 3 times with casual message but i did not feel like responding. He get mad that I didnt give reply He told me he gonna throw my gifts i gave to him with so much care n he said he gonna badnaam me to give lesson
is this a normal behave? not even say sorry for both times mistakes, want only what he wish all the time n not my feeling
i dun wanna be with this boy no more but i wanna know is it right choice to make. Thanks.
He will definitely abuse you after marriage, what kind of an animal threatens his to be with baadnami and stuff, like he will throw the gifts away, is like a toddler’s tantrums. I would definitely say run for your life.
You are both being immature. You should have responded to her sister, politely or not so politely. You let her sister, control the relation between you two. Ignoring one text is fine, three isn?t. A better way is tell them you are busy and will contact later or need some space. But threatening to tarnish your reputation is a red herring, move on.
just tell him how u feel n his behavior is not normal at all so do not ignore it or you will regret later on. One thing i learned you should not hide how u feel worrying if other gets upset..they will get upset anyways!! If you are scared to speak your heart n mind with someone, they are not right for you!
^This. In my opinion, his threat trumps our outweighs any of her own mistakes.
A threat/dhamki is a red flag. The sad thing is that this guy has a sister. I’m sure he wouldn’t fancy anyone trying to badnaam his own sister whether through pictures or gossip or whatever.
Any guy who has had a good upbringing, who is a gentleman, who is worth his salt…and especially the guy you intend to marry…should keep you safe. You both have been friends for several months and during this time, surely you **both **must have exchanged personal thoughts and pictures and texts and what not. So, the threat that he gave you can easily apply to him as well…no? In his haste, it didn’t occur to him that 2 can play this game? Such reactions cannot be smoothly played off as a joke either. It’s a sign of manipulation/control, not love, not even friendship.
Perhaps you could have told him that you were busy and that you’ll talk later. But even so, he is not a child. If he was present when his sister insulted you, if he clearly heard and saw everything, then he must have a clue about why you’re being distant unless he’s really that obtuse. The proper way for him to approach this matter would have been to ask you, “You seem distant. Is everything okay? You can talk to me.”
I don’t know how many days have passed since he made that threat, but you at least deserve an apology for his reaction if not for his sister’s pettiness. Unfortunately, threats like these shatter one’s trust and good opinion to the point that sometimes even an apology cannot repair them. There will be that gnawing doubt in the back of your mind as to whether he’ll threaten you like that again. And most likely it will happen again because now the mask or the veneer has slipped off. You don’t want/need a husband who will threaten to ‘badnaam’ you within the family/community after marital conflicts which are inevitable.
If he’s reacting like this right now, I don’t know what else he will say or do if you were to end things. With that said, I think you should let your parents know what happened if you haven’t already. That way you’ll have their support should things escalate. Since they’ve already met him and his family, it makes it easier. I think you should move on from him, too.
well… when i read first part of the sentence of throwing gifts … i was like how bachkana… .. bachi ko tariya laga raha he gifts phainknay ki … i thought he is a teenager or something… but when i read the 2nd part of the sentence … thats even worse … he doesnt respect u … doesnt care about ur honour dignity … n he should be the one to respect u n protect ur dignity … forget about him … move on …
You must live in Pakistan, your fiances weird behavior and his sister’s comments are typical of people over there.
You should dump him, if somebody’s trying to blackmail you then then they have some serious issues.
Then the guy needs to channel his inner Mr. Grey elsewhere because clearly she does not care to play Anastasia Steele.
There is a lack of respect in this relationship and it will only get worse, I feel. Sandaal, please ignore the comments which u and others can clearly recognize as fazool and immature and cut your losses with this guy.
How old is he? 13? & you 14 or 15? Seriously, that’s how your story sounds like to me… a teen affair… grow up you both first (atleast mentally) then think about shaadi waadi .
Many times a family would dislike/disapprove a girl only bec. she is introduced by the guy himself. This is pure immaturity on their part to feel threatened. I get how hurtful taunts about family-status/career could be(bec. men face them too) but these things are more or less common when dealing with family members who feel being sidelined. I will suggest not to overreact. Also buy some time to see if the behavior at least becomes tolerable. Cut the guy some slack if he doesn?t support you in front of his mom/sis. He may have taken up the matter privately or perhaps don?t want to pick one more battle with his family at this time.
On threat to ?badnaam?:
If the guy said that only once in a bout of anger, I would forgive, only bec. I believe in giving people second chances, but not forget. But if you feel that is a trait of this person, revealed now only due to you giving him less attention, then you should feel yourself lucky that you found out about it before moving forward. I`ve found this sick trait could be present in all sorts of people, from poor uneducated to rich highly-educated, and I hate such people.
