Muzna please look into post number 12. S02 said she felt uncomfortable with the word and that’s what I replied her with, "*S02, I certainly don’t mean to sound rude or insulting towards anyone or discomfort anyone. I really don’t know with what can I replace the word “fat” without sounding it insulting. If you can suggest, please tell me and I will take care of it in future. "
*
Saying, oh I am sorry is not always necessary. Necessary is, you realize that you have used a word that someone is not feeling comfortable with. And my reply very much indicates that I realized it and explained that it’s not something I meant.
“S02, I certainly don’t mean to sound rude or insulting towards anyone or discomfort anyone.* I really don’t know** with what can I replace the word “fat” without sounding it insulting.”*
by post #53 you were still using the term FAT and insisting that it is correct and nobody should be offended by it; that people who are taking offense are wrong to do so even though several members had already started substituting the term “overweight”.
I’m not sure that you got the message despite saying that you did.
you went on in post #58 to eliminate any doubt that you were actually remorseful for your misuse of the term FAT…
People over eat for many reasons…and if you cannot find the reason you will never fix the issue. So having a 9 year old girl watch a movie emphasizing the word FAT…not good. Its actually going to make a mess of the issue. Sloppy.
These habits are developed over time and at home.
Your kid has gotten used to a certain amount of food but the activity has decreased
Your kid has gotten used to eating endlessly all day long with no breaks…this catches up
You seem to pacify your child since the beginning with food and now they’re used to it
THey’re bored
They’re happy
They’re depressed
They’ve got nothing else to do
If you cannot actively be a part of the solution for this CHILD then don’t become another problem for her mother to deal with. If you approach this aggressively thinking you’ve got an answer no one else does…its going to make things worse for this little girl.
Btw, her mother knows her child is overweight. Every mother does…they don’t really need an outsider telling them that.
You can start by making sure the options available to her in your home are healthy if you really really care that much. You can take her for lunch and help her pick better meals for her.
Also - while I understand that childhood obesity is a serious problem…I don’t believe its nice when people who have not walked in a mother’s shoes start thinking they’ve got the parenting thing nailed. You don’t yet. You’re only 7 months pregnant. Simply being pregnant or giving birth doesn’t make one a parent or give them the right to judge other parents. No offense meant here…I just wish I knew of a better way to say this but I don’t. Its similar to how you couldn’t find another way to say the word FAT or MOTI.
If you were my friend and you talked about my ‘motapa’ with a concern just like you had in your first post,I am sorry I wouldn’t have liked it and most probably not be a friend anymore too.Today I am feeling so blessed to have had and have friends who have never said anything like that ever about my physical appearance.
You were told very politely on the first page of the thread about the term ‘fat’ being offensive…6 pages later I still see you saying fat fat fat fat fat fat…and now moti and motapa too.
Please do come and update us in 6 or so months how the conversation with the mother went and how the 9 year old is doing.
This thread could have been a pretty sensible one but like many threads on here lately it has become more of a personal thing…mera thread,mera GS…mera jo dil kare main karoon gee…
I was talking about the pure concerns and the tone I might have adopted in front of you.
Anyways, Chalo ye bhi acha hay then ke mairee bhi wo hi larkiyan friends hain jo kam az kam mujhay mairay lafzo ki waja se nahin judge kerteen but they know true me and my sincerity and loyalty towards them. I think I am blessed too, for not to be misjudged among my friends. Dost wo hi hona chaye jo lafz lafz p ghalat fehmi ka shikaar na ho jaye.
queen… when you are trying to convey a mssg online in written text where body language and tone is not visible… its only your words that convey a certain mssg and set the mood of the topic being discussed.
none of us know what you are like in real life, what your body language is like and what you mean when you use certain words.
Learn to address issues by choosing words properly. Set a neutral tone to the topic so ppl can see your genuine concern.
i dont think it is the misunderstanding in tone, or lack of proper wording skills or language. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice.. thrice.. four times.
**I realized that some of my words that I used in my posts in general sense, without any intention of judging or insulting, were perceived differently. I am very sorry for this confusion but just want to clarify that the intention was to discuss the issue and not to mock any gender or age group.
I respect all the opinions and because of that I am not going to reply anymore in this thread, but I hope that we could all erase any confusion from our hearts that my intentions were to degrade. Thanks and Regards.**
There is no reason for all this cattiness. Queen did state several times that her concern was for the child’s welfare and that her intent is to help, despite how it may have come across to some people.
Also, why is everyone so hung up on this “rishta” madness? The child is 9 years old and the key issue here is her health, not adult neuroses regarding “rishtas” and appearance. The fact that so many of the posts are responses to the “rishta” business rather than concern for the girl’s health is quite telling.
In the original post, she only stated that in addition to various health issues, there was also the possibility that this girl would be picked on for being overweight as a result of society’s belief that “fat girls don’t look good.” The word “rishta” isn’t even mentioned. She only began responding to the comments about “rishtas” after several posters brought up the issue themselves. The posters, themselves, interpreted “being picked on” as “not finding a good rishta” and jumped to the topic of “rishtas.” The fact that you lot interpreted being picked on as a child as synonymous with “having trouble with rishtas” when discussing a 9 year old child says more about your mentality than it does about Queen.
Personally, I don’t see the point of discussing the child publically if there was never an intent to help the child or parent.
Why are we discussing someone physical attributes and another persons parenting skills?
Some people get offended with the use of a certain word , understood. But why would so many of the offended people resort to bully-ish language themselves in order to corner the OP?
I guess we all have things that make us sensitive or concerned, and we never really know what goes on in the lives of other people, what people’s problems or situations truly are. My older daughter, for example, is a very skinny child, always has been on the low percentiles, but extremely active and smart mashaAllah. As a mom, I’ve been concerned but her regular checkups indicate she’s a normal healthy child growing rather well. However, I get “concern” queries more often than needed that it almost looks like other parties have more interest in my child’s well-being that the parents.
But the thing is that a poster comes to GS to post. If they didn’t, we’d not have this forum. Not everyone agrees but there’s a reasonable way of handling our differences instead of bashing one another. But then again, if we didn’t, we’d not have enough juice for such a long thread .
you are not a mother yet but you will be soon inshallah and then you will learn first hand that feeding/watching you child eat is one of the greatest pleasures a parent has. You will learn that it isnt easy for a parent to take away things that their child enjoys … be it food or video games … because most parents will do just about anything to keep their child smiling and happy. That is one of the factors in the obesity factors … no boundaries.
note i said its hard not impossible …
you will also learn that mothers (fathers too) are fiercely protective of their children. Most parents are perfectly aware and capable of addressing the problems of their child. those who are not … are made aware and assisted by teachers and doctors. it isnt your place to point it out nor help unless you are specifically asked to do so.
lastly, fat is not a medical term. overweight, obese, BMI are … these are very specifically defined. i’ll leave it up to you to look them up.
I’d be weirded out of someone spoke to me like that.
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