Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
I know at least two mothers in my immediate social circle that refused to go hard on their kids because they feared the kids would run away from home. Both have paid and continue to pay the price for this mistake.
Where does this fear come from?
Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
a new thing i found out recently is Portable PSP's can b used to connect to wireless internet n watch youtube, porn or any thing ugly u want. so new rule PSP will stay only in the van to b played in the van only.
yes its very hard with any age esp teens but we also go for same rules as discussed above. my hubby has been relaxed but now even he's beginning to realize that kids need constant supervision. the min u giv them more freedom than necessary they take advantage of that.
Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
just today my hubby sent me a link to the news abt this 11 yrs old giving birth to baby....
Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
I've seen parents afraid of upsetting their 3-4 yo. They are afraid of crying and tantrums etc. Partly out of love; partly out of not knowing how to handle it. I feel like it just gets worse as time goes by.
Also many kids turn into strangers when they become teenagers (or seem to). Otherwise friendly social kids who used to adore talking to mom and dad are suddenly much happier shut in their rooms and "plugged in" to something. I guess it's hard to know how to approach a kid when this happens -- it can be scary.
Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
We can be as vigilant as possible and still won't know whats going on in their heads. I think THE most important factor that needs consistent monitoring is the company they are keeping, who are they hanging out with and the influence they are having on our kids. Peer pressure is the leading cause of teens going astray, they are so very impressionable at this age and they will do absolutely anything to fit in and to hell with common sense! the company they keep will reflect on them directly, so meet all their friends and talk to them to stay in the loop.
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I have to say that I'm pretty disturbed with some of the things I've learned lately from Desi teens who come over for their college years. I dont trust them for the most part and think that they are not a good influence on my boys. Rules, regulations, laws and parental controls are by far more important to american parents from the things I've seen and are adhered to much more by american teens, no matter what their heritage. In Pakistan, rules are to sneered at. In USA, you follow the rules or you pay the price.
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no offense, mamaof3, but lets not turn this thread into a desi vs gora kids, they are ALL in the same boat as far as these issues are concerned. don't know which part of the country you are in but where I am, public schools are becoming breeding grounds for sexual promiscuity, violence and drugs which is impacting the community as a whole.
I know at least two mothers in my immediate social circle that refused to go hard on their kids because they feared the kids would run away from home. Both have paid and continue to pay the price for this mistake.
Where does this fear come from?
it might be an off-set of the 'best friend syndrome' where parents are so busy trying to be buddies to their kids that they forget all about disciplined parenting. i have seen it happen, by all means be friends with your kids but do not let the lines get blurred as to who's the boss, they will thank you for it later for sure.
Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
**i've a neice and a nephew [ages 18 and 16 respectively]. both were born and raised in Canada. they were both given plenty of freedom but a lot of checks and balances were placed on thewm. the results, alHamdolillah, are great. my nephew lives away from home in university dorm which is a townhouse and one floor is taken up by females students. why my bro allowed that is coz he has full confidence in his son who prays 5 times a day, fasts thru the month of ramadhan without skipping a single roza without a just cause, he come home friday afternoon and spends the weekends with us. my neice will be moving out in the fall next year. she will alos live on campus away from home in another city. she too is allowed coz she has proven herself to be responsible, alHamdolillah.
what i'm trying to9 say is that kids don't become bad overnight. you'll see plenty of signs if something is happening in ur child'a life...u must be ready to confront and tackle the issues with love, care and understanding.
the key is raise them with good values, trust them. give them the space they need but be vigilant and ready to notice the changes and intervene if there is a need. tell them that their freedom comes with responsibilty. parents themselves have to be upright and desciplined. u can't expect ur kids to listen if u preach them ONLY and not practice them urself. you can't enforce a 10 pm curfew if u urself stay out late, u can't ask the child to read Qur'aan and say their prayers if u do NOT perfom salaat or recite Qur'aan.
btw, did i tell u that both of them read Qur'aan every day without fail or excuse even if they have to do at 2 am. they both are masha Allah averaging 95% in their courses...alHamdolillah!**
We can be as vigilant as possible and still won't know whats going on in their heads. I think THE most important factor that needs consistent monitoring is the company they are keeping, who are they hanging out with and the influence they are having on our kids. Peer pressure is the leading cause of teens going astray, they are so very impressionable at this age and they will do absolutely anything to fit in and to hell with common sense! the company they keep will reflect on them directly, so meet all their friends and talk to them to stay in the loop.
no offense, mamaof3, but lets not turn this thread into a desi vs gora kids, they are ALL in the same boat as far as these issues are concerned. don't know which part of the country you are in but where I am, public schools are becoming breeding grounds for sexual promiscuity, violence and drugs which is impacting the community as a whole.
It's not about desi vs. gora. American vs. Pakistani cultural standards of rules and consequences are different. I am shocked by what some of my friends/acquaintances in Pakistan did and got away with. I don't see that happening here in the same way. Of course it does happen. But there is a difference.
Re: Controlling behavior of teenagers
I apologize if it seems like a gori vs desi argument. Its just that from my experience,the desi parents are not nearly as vigilant as their american counterparts. My experience could be far from the norn for all I know. I am not out to critisize here, for sure. No matter what culture or country you come from, surely there can be trouble. Its our job as parents to come up with ways to avoid and resolve these troubles.