Why are people so controlling? Do you think it is out of fear? Fear of letting the other person make their own choices? Trying to protect them perhaps? Or fear that if they let them make their own choices, they will truly see you for what you are and walk away? Is it fear of losing the other person?
I’m talking in a relationship scenario here. How come some men are so controlling? What do they hope to accomplish?
fear or loss... power, dignity.. being superior to the spouse/partner.. showing authority..
who knows
Can a controlling nature be considered a form of psychological abuse? I guess it depends on the depth of control.
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Can a controlling nature be considered a form of psychological abuse? I guess it depends on the depth of control.
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Possibly.But Mehnaz its usually their upbringing and the values that they have been taught when growing up.Bad experinces is also at the top there.I dont think its always their fault- but yes I suppose some people are just insecure.
Re: Control Freaks
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Why are people so controlling? Do you think it is out of fear? Fear of letting the other person make their own choices? Trying to protect them perhaps? Or fear that if they let them make their own choices, they will truly see you for what you are and walk away? Is it fear of losing the other person?
I'm talking in a relationship scenario here. How come some men are so controlling? What do they hope to accomplish?
[/QUOTE]
Controlling in terms of what? Your question is too vague.
Yeah I know it's vague. This is just a general scenario.
I've seen situations where the guy views the girl as an object to possess, where he comes and goes as he pleases but when the girl tries to have any say in the situation, she's basically told her opinion is irrelevant cause although she is his 'object', he isn't hers. In other words, he sees himself as her owner, but according to him, she does not own him. She has no say in the situation.
I hope that makes sense.
sometimes its just the way the guy has been raised.. assuming we're takling about men being controlling
its not necessarily to do with bad past, or abuse.. maybe too much attention and importance given to the guy whilst growing up.. can also be a cause..
sometimes parents given too much importance and value to the son in the family.. like all decisions, financial matters and bla bla .. well i think it can backfire... they're so used to being in charge from such a young age.. that they become controlling
obviously, its not always the case... but too much can attention can be harmful
True Sadia. They make kings on their sons which causes them to have problems when they try to establish relationships with others outside of their house. That's when these boys realise that the world is not really their kingdom like their parents had them believe.
exactly...
i mean some guys can pull it off really well cus everyone adapts to their personality.. its not always a bad thing cus its like a leadership role they play... some people are naturally lovely..
but when they start being abusive and overpowering.. thats when it gets real bad
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Yeah I know it's vague. This is just a general scenario.
I've seen situations where the guy views the girl as an object to possess, where he comes and goes as he pleases but when the girl tries to have any say in the situation, she's basically told her opinion is irrelevant cause although she is his 'object', he isn't hers. In other words, he sees himself as her owner, but according to him, she does not own him. She has no say in the situation.
I hope that makes sense.
[/QUOTE]
Ok. The guy is overtly possessive.
Women exercise their control in relationships too. What friends a man
can have etc.
All I have to say is once you encounter a control freak run and don't stop until you are far from them, they never change their ways, instead they play psychological mind games with you.
And yes i'm a stronger believer that control freaks are a form of psychological abuse .
Control, manipulation, and (mental/physical) abuse all go hand in hand, in my opinion. Men are so insecure sometimes.
:kaboom:
I think it has more to do with trust…If you don’t trust your spouse’s judgement, chances are you will take things in your own hands
i'd say people are controlling because they want to hide their own insecurities.
control freaks need to have their head examined, the more you try to control the more the pandoras box effect magnifies. There comes a time for everything no matter tangible or intangible when you have to let go and give in to the situation.
These people usually end up with some weird condition like, diabetes, high Blood pressure or something for life.
and yeah - most control freaks are too chicken to face the consequences.
Suroor_ca02...I totally agree with you...guys who are abnormally controlling in relationships are insecure and immature.
It also has a lot to do with Ego. I used to know a couple, where the guy was a Control Freak who treated his fiancee horribly, especiallly in public. With this guy, it was about the image he protrayed to his "friends" He felt all high and mighty about himself when he insulted, degraded, controlled his fiancee. It was absolutely sickening. This Guy was a control freak to the extent that even if he was out the country for business he wouldnt let his girl go out with her friends. Major Trust Issues!
Btw....this fiancee of his was oNe of my best friends...
At the end, Mr. Wrong didnt want her to associate with any friends he didnt approve of....so there went a good friendship down the drain! He made her break all ties with us. SAD but true. She didnt even invite us to the wedding. Sometimes it still hurts, losing a friend after sharing so much with her, just cuz of one Immature, Ignorant, Insecure man!
But I wonder ....she wasnt much of a friend if she dropped her friends like that who had been there for her long before this Guy! Am I right?
Could they be as bad as suspicious desi women ?
Yes you are 100% right. If she had no backbone firstly do dump his sorry, controlling a$$ and secondly stick up for friends like you then she certainly wasn’t much of a friend at all. You deserve much more than that so don’t think you lost out by not being invited to her wedding, etc. Trust me, you mulling over it is useless and unnecessary. It is her loss if anything.
thanks Sweetpie....
I appreciate ur response...Its been on the back of my mind for a while.
I just dont understand why some guys feel they need to express their manhood by suppressing the women they are with!
It doesnt make any sense to me....What drives a man to degrade and insult a woman he is supposedly in love with? Especiallly if it is in public. That is a sick & twisted way of expressing love for someone. I dont think I can even call it "love", not the definition of love that I have.
To me, love is understanding, respecting, supporting the one you choose to share your life with.
Another mind boggling question for me is...why do women who are clearly Not "naiive" or "paindu", for lack of a better word, put up with such treatment? Is it lack of confidence? insecurities about being alone? habituation to the way things are in the relationship?
This "friend"of mine had one of the most self-confident/egotistical personalities that I have ever seeen. I know she didnt have self-esteem issues. Any guy would kill to have a chance with her. She puts up with the degrading treatment even after she is married. I know this because we have mutual friends who I still have contact with.
At the risk of making a generalization, I will refrain from saying that these "control freaks" can never change after getting marriage. However, from my experience, these guys do not change! !