hmmm seems like a final deal for the older generation, more like a contract for the younger… (from what I have seen in my community).
according to my mom, marriage is the beginning of a girl’s life and she always brings up what unmarried girls can do vs. the married ones in our arguments.
:hinna:
For me, if the meaning of final deal is that I have to put up with worst case scenarios like any level of infidelity or abuse etc, then I view it as a contract. Marriage will never be a dead end for me.
I think my view is also influenced by the fact that (barring any future health problems) I have the full ability and sufficient resources to be independent.
Your question has got me thinking...What makes some people view marriage as the final deal? I wonder if people have reasons other than religion for feeling that way. Curious..
A lawyer once told me that from Islamic point of view it's a contract. Whereas in other religion like hinduism it's a final deal. As we are very much influenced by hindu culture we tell our daughters kay abb tumhara janaza hi wahan sey niklay ga otherwise divorce is a right given by Allah and Allah has never said to women to put up with zulm and He has never said that a woman's janaza should be picked up from husband's house.
I almost died last year. It did not give me any pleasure to think that my janaza will be picked up from my husband's house rather I thought that my marriage has took me to death bed. I was willing to live at any place in this world except for my husband's house because I did not want to die. It's a big bakwas that janaza shohar kay ghar sey niklay. It only makes others happy but actually makes the woman who is suffering a living dead body.
long list.... If I keep posting, I'll be "flooding." I just read the rules for this forum today...few months after joining. lol
:)
but for example, if I get mad and curse...she'll be like...unmarried girls aren't supposed to use that kind of language. Be more ladylike etc.
yeah I know you are not supposed to curse, but what does marriage have anything to do with it. Plus I fall a lot, so I have to say something to make myself feel better. lol
Plus also... not to dress with too much make-up/jewelry... that kind of stuff
A lawyer once told me that from Islamic point of view it's a contract. Whereas in other religion like hinduism it's a final deal. As we are very much influenced by hindu culture we tell our daughters kay abb tumhara janaza hi wahan sey niklay ga otherwise divorce is a right given by Allah and Allah has never said to women to put up with zulm and He has never said that a woman's janaza should be picked up from husband's house.
I almost died last year. It did not give me any pleasure to think that my janaza will be picked up from my husband's house rather I thought that my marriage has took me to death bed. I was willing to live at any place in this world except for my husband's house because I did not want to die. It's a big bakwas that janaza shohar kay ghar sey niklay. It only makes others happy but actually makes the woman who is suffering a living dead body.
very true hun!! I'm glad you were able to look out for yourself....
Well its not a final final deal, if both people are miserable and can't work it out, then they should separate kindly. We're not Catholics!
Having said all that, you should think of it like a final deal, one should do everything humanly possible to maintain their marriage, divorce should only be a final last resort, after all other options have been exhausted. In a hadith it says Allah SWT dislikes divorce.
Another thing, people should be really careful and divorce according to Islam. The girl should live with the guy for her iddah, and he shouldn't annoy her or kick her out. The Iddah period is given so perhaps the two could reconcile.
Contact, please. It is a very, very, very long term decision, maybe even longer than your life. I want to be able to get myself out of it, if things get unbearable.
And for that reason, I am all up for a pre-nup.
By the way, a "nikkah" IS a pre-nup with mehr and right to divorce and what-not. It is a legally binding document that entails at least the basics of financial future of the people involved.
Well its not a final final deal, if both people are miserable and can't work it out, then they should separate kindly. We're not Catholics!
Having said all that, you should think of it like a final deal, one should do everything humanly possible to maintain their marriage, divorce should only be a final last resort, after all other options have been exhausted. In a hadith it says Allah SWT dislikes divorce.
Another thing, people should be really careful and divorce according to Islam. The girl should live with the guy for her iddah, and he shouldn't annoy her or kick her out. The Iddah period is given so perhaps the two could reconcile.
did you yourself follow everything written above ?
Contract...even in the eyes of Allah swt it is a contract that is actually written out in no uncertain terms with witnesses present. What else is a contract? As diamond already stated...our culture is heavily influenced by Hinduism...jahez (a lanat in my opinion), beti makay kabhi nahin jati hai, shaadi ke baad larki ka ghar uskay shauhar ke saat hota hai, aur pata nahin kya kya kharafaat.
Its a final deal in theory...because you are supposed to be there for each other in every stage of life...you are life partners. However, Im not obligated to stay with a cheating husband...a man who is unjust...an abuser...etc.
***Definitely a Contract by all accounts......however it would be a better contract if the two parties actually discussed what variables they bring to the equation and what expectations they have of each other BEFORE signing the deal !
A Final deal....NO !.......Fortunately or unfortunately it is not a final deal because in today's day and age we have more awareness of our options and are too impatient to achieve everything we desire immediately than build upon and work for our wants and desires.
Marriage as an institution has lost its sanctity with both parties going into it with "agendas" to be fulfilled rather than the concept of working towards a mutual goal.
It is a contract that resides first in the heart (faith) and then on paper. I would call it a paperless contract in reality.
In good old days, before the independence of Pakistan my father says there were no Nikah documents. Everything was on words given by elders....
For me:
Aag sey naata, naari sey rishta kahay mun samaj na paya
muje kya huva tha, muje iss beywafa per hai muje kyu pyar aaya
Teri beywafai per hansay jug sara, gali gali guzray jidhar se...
It is interesting that somewhere I was reading that a christian person made a comment against the 'contract nature' of marriage in islam. This person's position was similar to what is said in their wedding "for better or worse" and this person took it too far as if huband and wife are made for each other forever and it was a sin to divorce-sort of strict binding. Practically speaking this is not possible as we see on daily basis. Hinduism is even more extreme in this matter.
As much as it is not considered a good thing to divorce, it is not considered sin in islam to divorce for a reason. And examples may be cited where a woman was allowed to leave her husband if she did not like him.
