While its obviously good and advisable to consult your elders (parents, older siblings, relatives etc) while making a decision, do you think its better sometimes to trust your gut feeling?
I mean I know elders are wiser and more experienced, but sometimes they think about things from their perspective, which might be different from ours.
I remember how everyone forced me to take subjects of their choice but I stuck with my choice and I am so happy I did not budge. I dont regret my decision at all.
Share similar experiences.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
My dad wanted me to follow in my cachu and oldest brothers footsteps by becoming a doctor. I had everything in place to do so - grades, extracurriculars, relevant work experience and so on. To this day day, my dad thinks I just never got accepted to med school - what he doesn't know is that I never applied! That should tell you my view on consulting elders.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
"Consulting" doesn't mean you HAVE to do what they say. Elders have more experience in life and everyone had their own perspective. I always listen to what they have to say, a) out of respect b) because I genuinely wonder if im missing out on something. After that, it's easier to make a calculated decision on my own intellectual ability.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Here is perspective from the other side. Young relatives asking for advice with no intent to even Consider it. Let alone use it. Other youngsters cozy ing up to us just to get some of their tuition fees paid.
Now we have become quite cynical. And have decided not to bother with respect to giving advice or helping them through sticky situations. Let them struggle on their own and learn through school of hard knocks.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
You can consult them and still make your own decisions.. there's nothing wrong with them giving input.. I don't think elders necessarily have more in terms of life experience though.. Most elders I've come across (esp grandmothers, mothers etc from back home) led quite sheltered lives and their views might reflect this.. For ex many didn't travel to other countries or mingle much with people from different races so they might mistakenly believe that such things are negative.. I remember when I was a kid hearing a lot of elders saying mixed marriages don't work because there are too many differences or that it was too dangerous for women to travel.. Both those things are commonplace now and don't tend to be that difficult.. I think it's very naive to believe that elders always know better..
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
"Consulting" doesn't mean you HAVE to do what they say. Elders have more experience in life and everyone had their own perspective. I always listen to what they have to say, a) out of respect b) because I genuinely wonder if im missing out on something. After that, it's easier to make a calculated decision on my own intellectual ability.
Sorry I worded my question wrong. I am interested in knowing if they make decisions for you, or you do whatever you want.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
My dad wanted me to follow in my cachu and oldest brothers footsteps by becoming a doctor. I had everything in place to do so - grades, extracurriculars, relevant work experience and so on. To this day day, my dad thinks I just never got accepted to med school - what he doesn't know is that I never applied! That should tell you my view on consulting elders.
My family didnt want me to restrict myself by taking business subjects in o level. So glad I didnt follow that logic.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Here is perspective from the other side. Young relatives asking for advice with no intent to even Consider it. Let alone use it. Other youngsters cozy ing up to us just to get some of their tuition fees paid.
Now we have become quite cynical. And have decided not to bother with respect to giving advice or helping them through sticky situations. Let them struggle on their own and learn through school of hard knocks.
If someone asks for my advice, I dont usually care weather they follow it or not.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
If someone asks for my advice, I dont usually care weather they follow it or not.
Good point. And that is how it should be. Ideally.
But things aren't black and white. It is good to learn from experience and gauge whether the person is really interested in your advice. Or using it as a check mark.
If the former, I give it and then don't bother if they follow it. For they r weighing all suggestions and doing what is best for them.
If the latter, it is waste of my time. Because when someone consults you abt complex issues - such as mortgage type and their pros cons - it takes a lot of one's time. So I tend to be careful before investing time over such requests.
In this instance, what I offered is some advice from experience. And I don't care whether it is followed or not.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
i consult my parents and one of my older sibling for advice on some matters. the decision lies with me but their perspective enables me to take an informed and better decision.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
I listen to their suggestions..but since i've had bit of "experiences" with them. I've now decided to listen to their suggestions..but do what i think is good for me. Selfish?..sure enough. Of course, i am not a teenager. Grown man..who is able to make his own decisions.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
My elders wanted me to burn the rubbish in the backyard instead of taking it to the tip. I listened to them and the fire started that burned down my neighbour's car.
After that unfortunate incident, I stopped listening to them.
Just finished paying for the car repair instalments last year.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Definitely consult them but you have to rely on your own instincts too.
Only you know what you are capable of and how much you can take/put up with.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Always consult my parents/siblings if it's something important and I need a second opinion - because these are the people who know me the best, they know my strengths and weaknesses.
At the end of the day;
*Sab ki suno, apni karo
Burey waqt mein khabrana nahi
Achey waqt mein paghlana nahi *
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
depends.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Good point. And that is how it should be. Ideally.
But things aren't black and white. It is good to learn from experience and gauge whether the person is really interested in your advice. Or using it as a check mark.
If the former, I give it and then don't bother if they follow it. For they r weighing all suggestions and doing what is best for them.
If the latter, it is waste of my time. Because when someone consults you abt complex issues - such as mortgage type and their pros cons - it takes a lot of one's time. So I tend to be careful before investing time over such requests.
In this instance, what I offered is some advice from experience. And I don't care whether it is followed or not.
If its time consuming and they dont even bother paying heeds to what you say then I understand!
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Thank you!
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Not anymore, not ever again.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Another aspect..i wanted to bring forth was that more often...desi parents' in general..do emotional blackmail on their children. Say..if they are making their own decision. In particular, marriage, or career decisions. For example, " hum tumhay kuch nahi dengay apni jaidad say". OR We will pay for your education..if you wanna become doctor..if nocot then..you're on your own.
So as i stated, consult elders and listen to their point of view..to see if you're really missing out on something. If not then, meh!. Just don't get into all emotional blackmail drama.
Re: Consulting elders vs making your own decisions
Oops double post