I am a single mother and alhumdullilah have two beautiful teenagers. Their father passed away and I decided not to get married as they were both young at that time… But what worries me now is that my kids soon will be on their own? Will they ever appreciate that I gave up my dreams for them ? Will they be there for me when I grow older and need them? All my friends with children warn me that this is a new generation and we shouldn’t expect any thIng from them. They will fly away for better opportunities. We shouldn’t depend on them or hold them back because of our needs. So what should a person like me do? Life is already lonely and I can see it getting worse with time. Should I consider getting re-married. If I don’t do it now, I may not get a chance later as life is passing by so fast.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
Remarry. They can appreciate that you gave up so much for them but they also hav ea right to have their own hopes anddreams and follow best opportunities for them. It’s not mutually exclusive.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
Remarry.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
How you treated you own parents and how you brought up your children should be a give away how your children are going to treat you.
Having said that, you should not be reluctant to remarry if you want to. That is your right and your own decision.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
My mother was a young widow too and she raised us all on her own. All her kids are very attached to her. We have always made sure she is taken good care of. We never left her alone and feel it our honor to serve her. She is old and dependent now but we never thought of her as a burden and would never ever leave her alone.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
Then dont be skeptical that your children may treat you bad or not care about you. If they are attached to you then they won’t. Despite that wanting to remarry is still your right.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
The new order of society is that we are the last generation who looked after their parents, you raise children to enjoy raising them and not with the expectation that there is a return or payback at the end of it. If they care for you they will support you. I dedicated my life for them but I don’t see that as a sacrifice because the pleasure of raising them is the biggest reward I can ask for. Firstly I look after myself and hopefully wont need any help, if I doo I would love to be in a senior home. senior homes can have great interactions. Even if my kids are willing to dedicate their life to me, I wouldn’t allow it as I don’t want to hold them back. My wifes sister recently passed away at a young age she had 4 sons and they all said nice stuff but were all away from her in different city, only husband took care of her. If you are happier you can be a better mother also.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
That’s what i fear also. We may be the last generation who looked after their parents and took it as our duty. We are also unique generation in the sense that we not only listened to our parents but have to listen to our kids also. I feel, we were raised differently. We respected our parents more and were not allowed to talk back to them. We also appreciated what they did for us more. The new generation takes a lot of things for granted. They are self absorbed and quite busy with their own schedule. Hardly have much time for others. Although my kids are caring but in their own way. They are just not sensitive enough to my needs… and I worry if it’s going to get worse when they will be more independent and when they will get married and busy with their own families.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
The biggest shock desis will have is they dedicated their life and didn’t look after themselves and most probably when the time comes these kids may not be able to return the favor. I don’t fight forces of change, I adjust to it. Same like the goras my kids started working at 14 and 15 and by 18 they should be fully independent, I looked after my health to not require their help. I made my wife my best friend and companion so I don’t need much more for company. Many are living their lives in delusions and I see people in 40s who have a hard time negotiating 6 steps and seem to be stumbling rather than walking.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
Well, u are blessed that u have ur spouse with u and may u have a long and loving life together. Sometimes things don’t work out as u plan. Sometimes we are too fast in judging people. Those that u see struggling with ambulation may not necessarily be lazy people. They may just be one of the unfortunate ones with health issues that we don’t have control over.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
I basically deal with people and see hundreds in a month and it really is very easy to see patterns, working out, eating healthy, staying active is not a culturally strong suite for us. I see stuff in my family and friends and most ailments are lifestyle related.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
Btw, my husband was my best friend also. Although I always had a big circle of friends but I wasn’t close to anyone in particular. We as a couple were quite social and knew a lot of people but I never really felt the need to make any close friend as my husband was my confidant, my buddy , my BFF … but what I realized later after his death was that it’s better to have more than one best friend ( escually other than ur spouse) so that u don’t feel lost when that person is gone.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
True , I agree most of the time it’s lifestyle related. So very important especially to take care of our health and devote time to physical fitness and healthy eating. Easier said then done.
Re: Considering remarriage !!
At one time I hired an older 69 yr old lady to be our hostess, her mother still lived independently and this lady told me that it is hard work looking after yourself but I guess we need to find time. New guideline is 1 hr physical activity or 10000 steps a day and lots of raw veggies etc. People can improvise. Before I used to sit and watch my sons kayak at training, now I take a boat out myself.