I have a important question to ask you all who have gone through the rishta process or are currently going through it. This question is targeted to the girls mostly but guys can give their opinion too.
So girls tell me if your parents were too conservative to let you meet the guy first? I mean some parents still think that the rishta comes for the girl first, then the parents talk and decide amongst themselves and sometimes the guy and the girl dont even get to see eachother or talk to eachother. I mean what if the girl wants to speak to the guy but is scared incase her parents are the conservative type and shes scared to ask them incase her parents think shes being weird (obviously shes not though!) and on top of that the guy goes along with his conservative parents wish to go with the flow without even speaking to the girl?
How would you deal with this situation because some desi parents think its fine for them to fix everything up and either the guy and girl dont get to speak or they speak but dont necessarily like eachother but go with their parents wishes?
My dad was quite conservative when it came to rishtas. I told him upfront that I will meet the rishtas and spend time with each of them and make the final decision, since it's ME who has to live with him and it's MY life's decision. And I will also have the right to refuse rishtas without anyone forcing or pressuring me to change my mind.
He reluctantly agreed.
The girl is scared "in case" her parents are conservative. Either they are or they're not. You'll have to get over your fear and talk to them.
The girl is scared "in case" her parents think she is being weird. You'll never know if they think you're weird until you talk to them. In most cases, and I'm hoping yours is among them, your parents will seek your opinion and involve you in the process even if they decide to meet the guy on their own first.
Have you met the guy and his family? How do you know for sure if the guy will go with his parents or be more proactive and assertive? I doubt his parents will impose you on him without letting him get to meet you first. There are exceptions, but generally it doesn't happen.
It doesn't matter what "some" parents think or what "other" people's parents think. It only matters what your parents think and you won't know unless you talk to them. Also, do you have an older sibling whom you can discuss this with and who can talk to your parents?
Wait....maybe I'm wrong about saying that most parents will involve you and your marzi in the rishta process. Cuz there are exceptions.....like the UK. Do you reside there, or have you consumed UK pani, or been been exposed to the UK air? Trust me, it's a very pressing question thay must be ruled out before we proceed any further in attempting to resolve your dilemma.
Wait....maybe I'm wrong about saying that most parents will involve you and your marzi in the rishta process. Cuz there are exceptions.....like the** UK.** Do you reside there, or have you consumed UK pani, or been been exposed to the UK air? Trust me, it's a very pressing question thay must be ruled out before we proceed any further in attempting to resolve your dilemma.
Yes.....and its not my problem as of yet I think Im a bit far from this but its for a friend. Yes she resides in the UK and she wants some advice and Im absolutely confused as to what to tell her, like you said, too many 'in cases' here.
And what is worng with the UK pani? Please indulge further I'm intrigued.....
It was meant as a joke; deliberately excluding logic. It was based on the frequency of turbulent UK rishta/marriage scenarios on here. Yes, I know they exist everywhere and there are exceptions too. But that's the explanation for the above post. More seriously; I do sympathize with your friend and hope things go well for her.
You have admitted that there are too many "in cases" and I think that would be the first thing you can address with her. You can encourage her to talk to her mom. She can start of with the "simpler" questions such as what day the guy's family is coming...what time...what do I wear....and then lead into the more serious questions like "Will I get a chance to meet him?"...etc etc. I think if she starts off with easy questions, it'll ease her into asking the tougher ones....which are actually not tough at all...but she perceives them as such. Once open dialog takes place, the questions tend to occur easily or automatically even. You can even encourage her to ask an older sibling to talk to the parents for her, but I think it's better if she does it herself because it deals more with her life.
I do find it strange that she has so many "in cases" in her mind. It almost seems as though she does not have an open relationship with her parents. If that's the case, wouldn't she be more certain that they'd exclude her from the process? A person tends to know if their parents will be flexible or not with an issue. If she's unsure as suggested by the "in cases," then there's a chance they will be open-minded.
[HR][/HR]Well...well...well...Islamicaly, its your decision, you get the final say! This is not to say that your parents or family's consent is not important or doesn't matter but remember, when asked Qabool hai? It's **YOU **who will respond and live with that decision not your mother, not your father. However of course in order to have a happy, peaceful life you would want to have your own and your spouse's family's consent.
I have a important question to ask you all who have gone through the rishta process or are currently going through it. This question is targeted to the girls mostly but guys can give their opinion too.
So girls tell me if your parents were too conservative to let you meet the guy first? I mean some parents still think that the rishta comes for the girl first, then the parents talk and decide amongst themselves and sometimes the guy and the girl dont even get to see eachother or talk to eachother. I mean what if the girl wants to speak to the guy but is scared incase her parents are the conservative type and shes scared to ask them incase her parents think shes being weird (obviously shes not though!) and on top of that the guy goes along with his conservative parents wish to go with the flow without even speaking to the girl?
How would you deal with this situation because some desi parents think its fine for them to fix everything up and either the guy and girl dont get to speak or they speak but dont necessarily like eachother but go with their parents wishes?
Ok i am a guy and i tell ya i recently gave this arrange thing a chance and didnt end up working out. I think it is because she was conservative and her parents didnt like the idea of talking on the phone. So lesson learn from now on...i need to know a girl well before and what sort of values she grew up with. These days there are people and rishtays available...but it is just that lying, double face, and all sorts of bad stuff are happening as well. Be it for fellas or girls.
Wait....maybe I'm wrong about saying that most parents will involve you and your marzi in the rishta process. Cuz there are exceptions.....like the UK. Do you reside there, or have you consumed UK pani, or been been exposed to the UK air? Trust me, it's a very pressing question thay must be ruled out before we proceed any further in attempting to resolve your dilemma.
^ Calling people out to criticize is rude. Why are you derailing the thread. Who cares?
Op, you should tell your friend she has to speak up. If her parents are to conservative then find siblings or cousins or someone in her family that can help but does she not talk to her mother about things? She just needs to open up about how she feels. She can ask for the kinds of families that would be more open to the kids talking, it's very common these days. It starts with communication. Once you know of her mothers reaction then you can come back and ask more questions that we might be able to help on here for her. My rishta was handled that way. We talked for many months, but my family doesn't do blind rishtas without the kids talking so I can't really understand why she would be afraid to talk to her mother at least if not her father.
This shouldn't be a big deal. It is imperative that the two potentials spend time talking to one another before anyone getting married. These days people say one thing and turn out to be another. Just have your friend discuss it with her mother, I am sure it won't be an issue. What I can say is that your friend SHOULD NOT agree to marrying anyone without speaking to him first.
Your friend should at least talk to her mother, sister, aunt or a friend who could convey her feelings to her parents if she cannot do it directly. Speaking your mind to your family should not be a problem, whether you get the thing you want or not is another matter. But holding back your opinion from your family in a decent, honorable manner is not a good way.
Also does your friend like someone? Is she is love with a guy? If she is not then stressing too much on developing an understanding NOW will not be very beneficial. Most of the guys she will meet during the rishta process will be very formal and appear to be nice guys. What insight she will gain into their personality with these few meetings? chances are not much. Yes meeting/speaking to a guy before marriage is a good thing but don't expect huge benefits out of these encounters.
