The biggest problem is DISTANCE and its creating insecurities.
Fix it :)
NO it's not. my engagement was in distance too and my hubby NEVER EVER EVER EVER said this crap. Even after we're married and we've been apart at times, something like this has NEVER come up. So no it's not distance. it's the psychotic freak who's a problem here.
It is bad advice, but I guess I had a moment of annoyance with the whole situation ... if people can get themselves into such situations they should live with it, or deal with it to get themselves out. If one intends to marry in Pak they have to remember that they need to understand that they will end up supporting the male for a while, in some cases for a long while, before he can get his feet in this environment. That is why generally speaking girls are more likely to seek spouses here first. I did say do du'a so in that respect it could be a good thing. If there is no rukhsati then there are less complications also, but it is family then the friend probably is not looking at the politics that the whole thing will cause if the marriage drops out.
The friend may get pushed away for interfering too.
I know many couples who actually do that, and while they may have their arguments and lil insecurities that pop up.... what 's been described so far is very out of line. The way the guy is behaving tells me that whatever the circumstances were, he'd make her life hell like that. Like someone else said, the D-word should NEVER come up between a couple if htey truly respect and care for each other.
These new facts you've added are HIGHLY worrisome.
Tell your friend to get out of it before it's late or she'll have to cry for the rest of her life.
To say that this guy has issues will be putting it very mildly. This guy is a total freak and I'd feel very sorry for your friend if she or her parents do not take a serious action to save her life.
Let her tell each and everything to her parents honestly without hiding any bit of it. Let her tell them exactly what he said that no one will ever believe you. And since he considered to be a 'religious' person, that is even more dangerous about this whole thing.
SAVE YOUR FRIEND!!!
......
The thing with this guy is that he is so sweet to everyone no1 wud evr blv that he is like that, this is the reason that she hasnt told her parents
Her sister did speak to him and he denied everything, he evn sAID TO MY frnd u tell every1 no1 will belv u every1 will blv me
The thng is that he is 5 waqt namazee and apparntly religs so her parents thnk that he can do no wrng
Re: CONFUSION
Will this guy come and live with her in teh Uk or will she go and live in Pakistan after the rukhsati? IEither ways, its much better to opt out of the nikah now then later. He is not the sort of person anyone would want to sepnd their life with.
My frn being upset every other day and hardly taking to any1 (which dus not mean that she is growing up) and telling me all these things(there are loads of thngs that I havnt written) is how I know that there is a problem.
It is very easy to say that she shud try an get herself out of it, but it is very easy sitting there and reading about it but whn u are in a situation only u knw what u go thru.......
I am not interfering , I have just said to her make her own decision, but havn a lil input jus to say that watevr she dus ppl are here to support her will help
Peace dil cheez
If your friend trusts your concerns then she should do something I agree. And I also agree with Ambassador1 that the information makes it seem this man is a runaway threat artist. I can't understand how the marriage has already happened without any of this being noticed before. Can it be that a person just changes after marriage ... with a click of the fingers?
He is wrong about his threats may be your friend is concerned that she may not be able to marry because she has had a divorce. However, if he has not touched her then she is still considered 'Kawari' so she should not concern with this. Also there may be very considerate people still in the picture.
It would be interesting for her to record on tape something he says one day and play it back to her parents. Then it will be a real show!
I am on the side of fairness that is why I stayed away from saying yes ... divorce ... but if it really is that bad then gather some evidence and present it wisely.
On reflection, I do believe that i overlooked the fact that to even mention divorce is very wrong. It's good that several people highlighted the fact. It is a serious issue, bcos if one day he happened to say "i divorce u" that would be construed as a proper divorce. If he happened to say it 3 times in a row (as pakistani men r want to do) then the pakistani mullahs would mostly construe this as an irrevocable divorce so she cannot re-marry him again.
Would it be worth the trouble to go thru all of this, just for it to be ended in such a way bcos of him?
Can u please tell us if she has told her parents yet? She needs to.
Re: CONFUSION
ur friend shudnt be afraid if he wants a divorce give it to him i know that sounds harsh and i know all the complications and heartache with a divorce but its much better then entering a relationship and then having to take all that abuse. if he is like that i dont think he will chnage at all when they are eventually together in fact he will probablky think he has more control now and she will do as he says as then she will be living with him . its crazy men these days especially form pakistan think their all saint as do the girls there.
your friend really seriously needs to take a decision she needs to tell her parents and his parents and then decide .
good luck
Re: CONFUSION
They're just too oppositte people of the spectrum, one in out-going liberal and independent in her thinking, the other from what i read seems a control freak, he wants to mold her into being similar to him, of course with marriage comes consideration, understanding between both, i hope they can work out their differences and come to a happy compromise.
Re: CONFUSION
I honestly don't understand why western families go to Paksitan for marrying their kids. You should drop him like a hot potato. Chances are he will calm down after shaadi and moving to the UK but it seems he has some inferiority complex and is not very well accomplished in Pakistan. If you don't mind living the rest of your life with a lozer then by all means continue with it.
Re: CONFUSION
He sounds like a very immature piece of a person. I know it may sound hard at the moment but she should get out of it now. And no its not too late yet, it really isnt.
Re: CONFUSION
Going through all the posts by dil cheez my observation is that this guy is a kid at heart and he is playing with his wife. He thinks that she is his doll and he can play with her in any way he wants . If she breaks in the process all would do is say oops I did not know that if I mishandle this toy it will break. This guys is not mature enough to get married .
He is an example of a kid who know that whatever he does , mama will save him as he is her little angel.
I agree with brother Psyah's advice , she should record his conversations and let her parents and his parents listen to them. That is the only way to get out of this quagmire.
By doing so she will come out a winner and will gain a lot of self confidence too. It is not very hard to record phone conversations , there are hundreds of gadgets available in the market to do so.
Re: CONFUSION
Mirch bhai jaan, is this your way of doing "ibaadah" as you have so eloquently explained in another thread? tallaaqain dilwaao? lol
Mirch bhai jaan, is this your way of doing "ibaadah" as you have so eloquently explained in another thread? tallaaqain dilwaao? lol
Are you reading between the lines , I did not say go and get a divorce , I have been saying all along that the parents should be gotten involved and this guy needs chittar tay littar. Once she has proof of his stupidity she can help straighten this kid of a man out.
Hey Peeps
Well I showed y frnd this thread and she is going to tell her parents........
Thanks for all ur advice.......... I think that she knows that thisso called marriage is just a joke......
I mean it has almst been two weeks and he hasnt spoken to her.....
Anywz thanks again, will gives u an update
xxx
^ please do =)