lets say a family member has made some major mistakes in their life and does things that muslim boys his age don’t do.
Now I know you shouldn’t care what ppl think, but in your opinion…doesn’t this ruin the rep of the entire family…while in reality the rest of the family is MashaAllah religious and caring. Ppl talk, and they must think if one child does stuff like that (not permitted in Islam), then the other children must do it as well.
How can someone living under the same roof, turn out so different and messed up??
no matter what your family member does, you need to be there for them and support them, while telling them what they're doing is wrong. To punish them is not your job, that's Allah mian's. You need to fulfil your duty as the family member.
don't worry about reputation. worry about how to get him on the right track.
it's tough though and easier said than done but still.
Everyone make mistakes in their life . I think now bigger question is why the environment of whole family wasn't working for this one individual ? This person who committed this sin need your support and guidance or he won't stop . For example if he committed adultery then as a family its your responsibility to guide him towards marriage , and help him to support his family .
I think adolescence is a challenging time period....and sometimes several admonishments are not enough to know better....and one may need to commit the mistakes in order to truly learn from them and grow....trial and error....part of life.
And I think that the "blemish upon reputation" line is weak reasoning when you're trying to understand someone. That just sends the message that they should "behave" for fear of what others think....and not because what they're doing is truly harmful to themselves. I've always found it interesting that siblings.....in spite of being raised by the same parents and living under the same roof...can be so different from one another. But that's what makes us individuals. And various factors need to be considered....rather than put all the blame on the wayward sibling. What's causing the person to act this way? What may be lacking......that's causing the behavior? Is it low self-esteem? Is there something in the parents' upbringing that could be triggering it? Such as lack of consistency, being too rigid or overprotective?
As far as the "log kya kahain ge" fear that parents have...the older I get...the more it puts me off. Often times...the people whose "judgment" you fear so much....have problems of their own in their life that you may not be aware of....their own kids may not be as perfect. They're human like you...they're not perfect. And they will always gossip...whether your family is going through good times or bad. They will gossip till the crack of doom.
It depends what he does. He goes out and kills someone than yeah the family is to blame. He sleeps around with some women, not a major issue. The impact on the family is linked to the severity of the **** up.
Better not to disown imo.. if u do that the person might never come back onto the right path, a lot of the time they end up going even more off the rails.. and besides what people think is not everything..
Like RV said try and find out why the person is acting that way and then maybe try and help him rather than take the easy way out and wash ur hands of him. if ur in the west there are loads of ppl out there who can help.. counsellors or whatever he needs..
there are always some "black sheeps" in a family. In my opinion...sometimes they are the cooler ones.... can't blame the parents or can't blame others...everyone is responsible for their own actions regardless of how many years of Islamiyat they have taken. In the end.... its b/w you and Allah..no one else. Your sin is your own.
Family should support...but not force.... and others (gossipy aunties & uncles) should peace out and let the person make mistakes and learn from them.
a person will be more willing to change bad behavior if support is given without beating up their mentality. they know they did wrong...now just accept it...and let them know that you are disappointed..but you'll support them and hope they make the right choice.
if that still doesn't work...then use my mom's favorite discipline tool... rolling pin or chaapal... thapaar!!!
especaially parents here's a message. "We get it...we know what we did was stupid. OK. and its not b/c you failed as a parent....." so much drama and guilt trip...sheesh
there are always some "black sheeps" in a family. In my opinion...sometimes they are the cooler ones.... can't blame the parents or can't blame others...everyone is responsible for their own actions regardless of how many years of Islamiyat they have taken. In the end.... its b/w you and Allah..no one else. Your sin is your own.
Parents are responsible .. up 2 some extent
If they are giving proper time and guidance from the beginning , a child can hardly be ruined
I have seen my self a Family Fully religious ( so religious that they have Daras at their place ) but still one of their son has turned so bad that he is into every bad thing one can of think about
In my view - you don't have to get tooooooo much busy in your personal commitments that you stop caring about your children.
Being a Parent you need to at least keep an eye on your child until you feel his is responsible enough to carry on from now on.
if that still doesn't work...then use my mom's favorite discipline tool... rolling pin or chaapal... thapaar!!!
^ hmm true…should keep one eye on them somewhat…but if it happens…then no use in making them feel even worse or blame others… when distance occurs…(child goes away to school) meets new friends… sees new ideas etc… mistakes can happen
and idk…i’ve been hit numerous times…and i’m in US :hinna:
hahah no...I said it one time...parents used the reverse psych on me...still got the chaapal :)
yeah..life is moving fast nowadays...phir bhi... w/e happened....happened. and hopefully not again.
i guess real issue is should society always keep worrying about reputations....? it makes for weak relationships in the house if we are constanatly worrying about what others may think as opposed to our parents..or God
:hinna: