Re: Confused
Regardless of caveats it is certainly not a just and fair solution to the dilemma. The problem arises due to the brother in law, but the real issue is why don't the husband and wife deal with it instead of one "complaining" and the other "not listening".
Regardless of caveats it is certainly not a just and fair solution to the dilemma. The problem arises due to the brother in law, but the real issue is why don't the husband and wife deal with it instead of one "complaining" and the other "not listening".
Of course getting the BIL married (and that too without considering his feelings) would not be just. If the BIL got married (out of his own happiness)....naturally he would become more busy. I don't think anyone is advocating an imposed marriage here....or has such intentions. As far as the "complaining" issue is concerned, that has been previously addressed.
Re: Confused
This is definitely ur husband's fault. When your OWN husband does not care abt ur feelings, why should a third person even bother? I think u need to play a lil tough. Tell me him straight him as long as his bro is in the house, he can cook for him cuz u will not be doing that. Stop taking care of ur BIL and tell ur husband its his responsibility. This might make him appreciate you more if he actually puts time n effort into taking care of his bro's needs.
keep in mind though, do not do it if ur husband is of the kind that will kick you out in the middle of the night with the baby in ur hands and the other 2 kids trapped inside... wouldn't want that to happen... =/
Im sorry you’re going through all of this. 
You have a few options:
-Get your BIL married as a few people have already suggested. Those who say its manipulative need to understand that you’re not going to tie him to a goat…you would obviously find a decent girl for him and he would have to approve the union as well. 
-Apologize, ignore and deal with it.
-Invite your own family and friends over ALL the time just so he can get a taste of his own medicine. Its your home too. If his brother can come and just pretend like you run a charity then you can invite as many people as much as you want as well! Be casual about it but DO IT. Dump the kids on him as much as you can and have your own time. So far, you’re the only feeling the inconvenience of your BIL being in your home. In order for your husband to get it, he will have to be inconvenienced a little bit as well.
Personally, I find it a little shameless that your BIL just stays for weeks at a time at your place. I want to say to him “sharam nahin ati hai?”
Agar aap apne shauhar ke bhai ki complain karogi to apke hubby kya apko mithai khilayenge? “begum, shabbash…kitni pyari baatein karti ho…aur karo”. NOOO! Never ever ever ever complain about your inlaws to your hubby…its useless. Apne payr pe kulhari marna.
:k:
Im sure once they’re together, you feel like the outsider and the babysitter. Well, do something about it.
Leave the kids with him and BIL a couple of nights a week. I dont care what you do while they’re watching them…drive around in circles but do it. Say you have to tend to your parents for something or your friend needs you. SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
Re: Confused
DAAS-if i were you, i would stop all the complaining and change.when he sees that you dont carenag sit waiting patiently like a good lil housewife for him, he will start taking notice.....get a hair cut/makeover anything to look different, start enjoying yourself with friends/cousins your own family, and let go......
show him you dont need him, he will sit up and notice then.....
With reference to getting his brother married off:
CM, is it manipulative? Yes, in the sense that the BIL is not himself taking the initiative to look for a wife. Why should he? He;s got his SIL to make his life nice for him!
As far as whose best interests are served, dont you think it would serve the interests of all? SIL will have a new SIL to share the work and lighten the atmosphere, a new addition to the family. BIL will have a wife so will be less dependent upon his brother for company.
And she would not be making the decision for him....he of course would have every right to refuse yeah? And as far as whether its her business or not...isnt this what family is for? To care for and about each other? The BIL is a bachelor. Families usually like to see everyone happily married and settled. If they need to get involved to help make this happen, then thats usually what is done isnt it? The BIL sounds like he's a lonely guy dependent upon his brother for company and upon his SIL for her cooking and home-making. He likes to have a settled family life without the responsibility of having his own. He borrows his brother's!! He needs a wife (in my opinion). But no one will be able to forcehim into a marriage, they can just make it easy for him to find the right one.
Hmmmm…you actually have a point there…
I would try this too.
:k:
Re: Confused
Has anyone seen that episode of Grey's Anatomy where Christina is peeved off at Burke for letting O' Malley stay over at their apartment for an extended period of time? hint hint
The BIL sounds like he's a lonely guy dependent upon his brother for company and upon his SIL for her cooking and home-making. He likes to have a settled family life without the responsibility of having his own. He borrows his brother's!! He needs a wife (in my opinion). But no one will be able to forcehim into a marriage, they can just make it easy for him to find the right one.
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Mamaof3 I am amazed that you got to the bottom of the problem so nicely. This is exactly what I am dealing with. Bro in law wants comfort of family and borrows his brothers. He is a sad, pathetic guy who has a total disregard for our family and our privacy. He has no jobs, no degree, no family. So its really hard for him to find someone. Although he is quite desperate. He comes uninvited and unannounced to our home and stays for weeks. He sounds envious and jealous of our life. He is full of himself and ha opinion on everything I do. How should I raise my kids, etc etc etc.
Its really hard for me not to feel resentful. I cannot treat him like a guest if he is staying for weeks. I have a full time job and young kids to take care of.I have been quite patient and sympathetic to his situation for years but, now I am sick and tired of this nonsense. When he is not visiting he is calling and talking on the phone for hrs. The whole situation has affected my relationship with my husband